Swearing, Youtube, phones…6-8 year olds

[Saywhatthehecknotwhatthehell]

Wanting to see how common this is and if i’m being too uptight.
Dd is 7 and plays with two friends locally, one is only 6 and has a mobile phone (parents say it’s ok as only has games and YouTube on (not kids Yt )
Other child is 8, no phone, but a tv in their room where they can watch YouTube (not kids) and Netflix etc.
We only let Dd watch YT occasionally if sat with her and something sensible is chosen, was noticing she gets completely addicted to some things and it was all such junk.
We let her play a game on our phones sometimes and sat next to us/supervised. She’s never had an ipad/tablet etc.

She ended up watching Yt with her friend at her house and being frightened by something and I had to contact the mum and say she wasn’t allowed on her phone
This week, Dd came back from her other friends house and said they were watching Yt in her friends bedroom on the tv…silly Bluey and all these other ones that can be dodgy. Do I contact this mum too? 😫

Dd has also started putting the middle finger up and finding it funny and says a kid at school keeps saying ‘What the fuck’ and shit.
Dd didn’t know any of this before.

Do your kids around this age swear/know swearing words? How do you deal with it and do they watch phones, Youtube etc?

Am I being too uptight in not wanting Dd to be watching things at their home and going on about swearing words?

No no not normal. Mine got banned from going to a friends house - they had a 3 yr old and 6yr old with TV each , I pad , unrestricted tik tok and YouTube. The 6yr old behaviour was vile swearing at parents throwing self on the floor bad attitude. It definitely impacts their brains negatively. Nothing you can do about hearing swearing and middle finger at school but just say it’s not appropriate and not how we behave. I am not giving in to peer pressure and my youngest was 1 of only 2 in year 6 without a smartphone - I am the one responsible not other parents friends.

I have a 6 year old. I wouldn’t encourage him to play with children who had TVs in rooms or own phones at this age - those parents are being negligent. Don’t send your DD there for play dates again.

Tell DD off for the bad language/finger. It’s not her fault but she needs to know it’s wrong.

My DS (6) doesn’t know those words or gestures. We don’t allow TV after school, we don’t have YouTube or a phone/ipad for him and he doesn’t have a screen in his room.

I really dislike YouTube and we don’t use it at all. My son is 8 and doesn’t have a phone or access to YouTube. He has just started asking for a
phone saying everyone in his class has one and they have a WhatsApp chat, I laughed as thought he was joking! Maybe not..

He has an iPad though for games. He has recently started to hear swear words from school too but is yet to repeat them (in front of me anyway). He knows I don’t approve and it’s not language we use.

Normal youtube, I have blocked most of those videos you are talking about
Everything in moderation is my thinking,
Because they need the code to access it they probably get it about three hours a week if that

For anyone who’s interested
https://www.smartphonefreechildhood.org

You’ve distanced your kid from someone because they have a phone? My kids weren’t allowed phones until secondary but to distance from someone because they have a phone is crazy. Why don’t you just go and get some more bubble wrap .

I don’t think it’s crazy at all! It’s v sensible to not want a young child to spend time unsupervised with a phone and another child whose parents clearly don’t care about sensible, age-appropriate content limits.

All it takes is a moment for OPs child to see something awful which will stay in her brain for life.

My DD is 10 and I would still be unhappy about her spending time with children who had unrestricted access to YouTube.

Not because they have a phone, but the fact they’re on it a lot and my Dd was on it at their home unsupervised and watching scaring things. Their 6 year old is left to watch it for hours

This is awful OP and if this is the level of their parenting, I’d also worry about what else was happening in their home.

Playdates at your house or in the park from now on, and if the child is at yours I think it’s absolutely fine to ask them to leave their device in the kitchen!

This, basically.

OP, you've asked if it's OK to message other parent to give boundaries etc. but honestly, you'd be wasting your time. You've seen their level of parenting and it isn't yours and they are more than likely going to think "nah, my house my rules" about any requests you make.

If you like the children just not their environment then, as above, playdates at yours or out and about.

swearing yes I even remember it when I was that age at school, YouTube yes (you can watch it on a regular tv in the family living room no different to any other channel only a problem if they’re in their bedroom watching it on their own device)
phones at age 6-8 no that’s way too early for that

Quite common nowadays - most kids seem to have a smartphone by the age of about 9 and loads of kids seem to have access to you tube. My niece and nephew hate you tubes kids they say it is for babies but my sister refuses to allow them on normal YT - they can't watch half the stuff their friends watch as they are only allowed on YT kids.

Sorry OP, but I don't think this child is from a 'really good family', a really good family would do what you are trying to do, and that is to protect their young children from tech for as long as possible, either by not allowing phones, etc., by putting appropriate controls on them if they do have them, or sitting with them while they use them. These parents have obviously given into pressure from their child to allow YT on his TV, and are clearly happy for him to spend time away from them, watching TV and the YT that's on it. Of course it depends on how you rate a 'good family', but I sense that maybe they're a good family in your mind because of their financial position in life, rather than being good parents.

You’re not uptight. Let’s have some standards. I think 6-8 year olds let loose on YouTube, swearing etc is pretty disgusting tbh. My kids can have screens whenever they want but they’re not allowed YouTube, anything with swearing, not allowed to watch gamers (they are allowed to game themselves though, lots! Locked down though so they can’t talk or play with randoms), don’t have phones or personal devices - any devices they’re on are in common spaces so we can see what they’re doing. They’re 10 & 8.

I don’t think I’d be happy leaving a child that small in a house where they have unfettered access to you tube or phones. It’s just not safe. Could you have them at yours?

This is something that I’m dealing with a lot now that my eldest is 13 and many, many parents who seem so great and responsible in other ways just leave them on phones and internet with no restrictions at all or oversight to what they access,

But when they are smaller you can control it. I just wouldn’t let them in those houses.

YouTube is masses different from kids TV channels. For a start there’s no regulation and a lot of the videos are utter shit. So much shrieking and over stimulation.
Then there’s the issue of using child creators to make content when they can’t consent.
Then there’s the fact kids can suddenly be shown totally inappropriate stuff - even on YT kids.
Just a whole host of questionable child protection stuff, used to entertain kids. Ick!

My ds is 6 and he knows swear words but has decided that swearing is bad and so he won’t swear. I’m pretty lax about swearing, we’ve had conversations about it where I generally put a negative spin on swearing (ds is the type to do it more if I make a big thing of it).

YouTube is a massive problem. I’ve come downstairs to ds watching grown men talking about gaming, etc. I realised he was starting to talk like them, act like them, only ever speak about them obsessively. I decided to put a PIN code on the YouTube app so he can’t access it. I don’t allow YT kids either. It worried me that he was watching fast paced programs with no plot line. His attention is so much better since. He was bought a tablet by the ex-in laws for Xmas and he goes through phases with it and then sometimes it gets “lost” for a while and he forgets about it for a bit. His attention span and behaviour is so much better without it all.

He still gets exposure it it all through friends’ houses, his dad (my ex), and surprisingly the childminder. I leave it be with that as I know at least he’s not getting constant exposure at home with it.

Hi op bit too young for this behaviour. I would not let her go to either house and I would stop her using your phone if she’s behaving this way explain how bad it is and if she got caught doing at school her teachers would be very upset and she will get in trouble and sent to the head teacher. Most kids are terrified of the head or even their own teachers. Nip it in the bud and if other kids parents ask why she can’t come over tell them straight. They might be ok with this but you’re not.

My 8 year old son has YT on his TV and he has learned so much from it about the world, animals, space and the different planets. The channels he follows on it are great for learning. Occasionally he might watch some cartoons on it too but I do spot checks and have never seen him watch anything I would see an issue over. I suppose it depends on what settings people have. I wouldn’t hugely appreciate someone criticizing my approach in my own home, so I agree with previous PP if you don’t want your child watching anything YT then keep them home with you and have the other children at yours and then you can make the rules. I don’t think you can dictate what other people do in their own homes.

But that is clearly v different from letting a 6 year old sit somewhere else in the house away from you, unsupervised, scrolling away for hours

Oh gosh yes! The 6 year old with the phone is a no chance for me! But the 8 year old with it on the TV then that would be similar.

Swearing I would hope not but unfortunately they do hear stuff at school. I just always explain not a nice word and not to be repeated.