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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

2tellornot2tell

12 replies

2tell · 06/11/2025 11:47

I have a family member whose BF fathered a baby with someone else. Family member has 2 young (1&3yo) DCs with him. BF hasn’t worked for over a year, but is pretending to go to work every day. His family has been supporting him, paying rent, mostly. Now everyone has found out about an additional baby, his parents are very upset, said, they will not support him anymore (it was under his promises that he will pay them back, anyway). I spoke to a wronged girlfriend today about the money situation and about rent being unpaid for 2 months already (bf received money from his parents, but did not pay). Their landlord is my neighbour and spoke about the rent to me yesterday.
GF parents are thinking to move to the other side of the country and offered their daughter and her BF to move with them, but BF is ‘reasoning’ that he has a job here (which is not true) and she is reluctant to entertain the move.
Now, that I have found out about this new baby with another woman, I am torn if I should tell the GF. BF is pretending that everything is ok, GF today was telling me how hard working he is and how little time he spends with their children 😡, I was just sitting there on a verge of tears and almost spilled all the beans.
AIBU not to tell her anything? Or should I? I am not worried about him, I am thinking about her and the babies. Although, she was OW, who broke his first marriage, I still feel sorry for her and think she would be much better moving with her parents away from him.
What would you do in my place?

OP posts:
DaisyChain505 · 06/11/2025 15:51

Of course she needs to know.

No child should be a secret.

Abracadabrador · 06/11/2025 15:52

I don't really understand what's going on. The mistress of a man has now chosen to have 2 kids with a him, who's a layabout, proven liar, who has a secret kid, and she wants to move the kids far away?
It's up to the parent who moves away to transport the kids for contact with the other parent.

She knows he's a liar, her kids deserve to know their half sibling.

Soozikinzii · 06/11/2025 15:53

Yes she needs to know so she can make informed choices

VanillaImpulse · 06/11/2025 15:54

Where does he go everyday?

Itiswhysofew · 06/11/2025 15:55

Yes, she needs to know he's done it to her now.

How have he and his family managed to keep his lack of job and their financial support a secret for so long? Incredible 😲

PixieandMe · 06/11/2025 15:56

I would tell the boyfriend that I know about the baby and the lack of job. And I would tell him that he has 2 days to tell my relative before I do.

Then she can decide what she wants to do.

monkeysox · 06/11/2025 15:56

She needs to knoe he's a cheating waste of space

Abracadabrador · 06/11/2025 16:04

monkeysox · 06/11/2025 15:56

She needs to knoe he's a cheating waste of space

She knows, OP wrote she was the mistress who broke his marriage.

QueenClinomania · 06/11/2025 16:05

You should tell her

Goditsmemargaret · 06/11/2025 16:18

Of course you need to tell her. This isn't a fumble you unfortunately witnessed at a Christmas drinks event - this is a secret family. Tell her. They all sound awful by the way.

Pugdays5 · 06/11/2025 16:21

I would tell her so she can make the choice of a new life with her family .
But I would only tell if I was completely 100% sure it was true
And I'd remember people always shoot the messenger ..so id expect to loose the friendship.
But I'd always do the right thing where children were concerned

Zempy · 06/11/2025 16:24

Tell her

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