Ask my cleaner about their health?

[Ahfiddlesticks]

We've had the same cleaner for 5 years - reliable and does a pretty good job. No concerns about their work.

However every week we seem them they look increasingly jaundiced. Today was just alarming, really really yellow. They rarely mention their health but do talk about other personal issues and we have a good relationship generally.

WIBU to ask after their health? Or even mention I've noticed they are jaundiced? I'm genuinely worried rather than being nosey.

I'm sure if you've noticed it then they have, or other people close to them. I think you risk coming across as nosy sorry.

I would certainly say are you ok? You’re looking quite unwell. I’m a nurse though so it wouldn’t be too weird. Hopefully they’re already under investigation because jaundice is rarely ‘nothing’

‘I’m so worried about Susie. She has just been diagnosed with xyz. She felt absolutely fine and her only symptom was that she looked yellow around the eyes’

Yes I'd ask her

I’d ask and then encourage her to go to a doctor
it is not a good sign at all!!!!

None of your business. They won’t appreciate you pointing it out to them, they’re already aware of their appearance, and it has nothing to do with you or the job they’re getting paid for.

You could ask how she is ? She might need some time off work but scared they can't afford to.

I personally wouldn't ask them, other than the usual "How are you" type enquiry. If they want to share with you, they will. Unless you're a medic and can actually help them, that is. Have they got access to healthcare?

I would ask if she's ok in a sensitive way, not saying anything directly - just ask how she's doing. I had a long illness and my cleaner would ask if I was ok.

I think I'd be kind of worried it was fatal liver disease or something, and it might be really upsetting for her to talk about it. I would ask her how she was feeling though. But she may not feel comfortable discussing it.

I would just go in with a “and how are things with you X, health and everything ok?”

GP here, OP; honestly, I think I would say something - simply because jaundice is one of those things that is often noticed by somebody else before the person themselves has realised it. Worsening jaundice is potentially really serious and would usually need hospital admission, so it seems unlikely she would still be working if it was being treated. You can phrase it sensitively.

Mixed responses here. Hmmm. Not sure.

We do talk about other life stuff - like I know their kid is having behavioral problems and they've had SS involved and they've had a pretty serious relationship breakdown etc. So I do think they'd mention it if they were aware of it. I'll have a think.

Also, showing casual sexism is alive and well!

Say something! Jaundice is serious.

i had this a couple of years ago w a friend’s partner, and I DID say something (in the end several somethings) and it was not well received at all. He was cross, and defensive (polite but not pleased). In the end he couldn’t ignore it any more amd was hospitalised w pernicious anaemia. Totally treatable, but he’d been so afraid it was cancer he’d been unable to act.

maybe you could tell this story? He has been restored to full health and he looked like death before…

I would say something in case they haven't been to a Dr about it. DH had a colleague at work who came in completely yellow one day and other colleagues told him to go home and call the Dr immediately. He had just not realised he was so unwell. He had a liver transplant within a week as he was very ill.

you can ask if shes ok as doesnt seem herself. I can’t believe people would rather say nothing in case it’s ‘rude’.

So your cleaner is a man? Why not just say so rather than make snippy comments about sexism? The vast majority of domestic cleaners are women.

How about’Dave, I hope you won’t mind me mentioning this but I’ve noticed you might be a touch jaundiced recently. I know it can be one of those things you don’t notice yourself so thought I should say something as you might need to see a doctor. If you are fully aware then my apologies, I absolutely know it’s none of my business.’ Text message.

I've had jaundice and when I had it, looking in the mirror was really bloody alarming and I also felt like a walking sack of death, so I can't really imagine anyone having it without noticing. I'm pretty sure your cleaner knows something's wrong.

Is your concern coming from just being curious about what's up with them so you can express sympathy, or from suspecting that they might not have seen a doctor? If it's the latter, then I would certainly say something.

Tbf most cleaners are women, you didn't specify, why don't you ask the guy if he is alright instead of being snippy on the Internet.

Worried they've not seen a dr. They have a lot going on at the moment and I suspect their own health is at the bottom of the pile

Just ask them if they are alright say you look a bit "off colour" Is he maybe a drinker can you smell alcohol on him?

So I did mention something to him and he's now in hospital with sudden onset edema and having tests. Suspected liver failure.

Oh poor man. So glad you said something. He clearly wasn't realising himself.

Oh poor man. Glad you said something as it sounds very serious x

Well done for saying something- he's in the right place now