Rude SEnco at meeting

[Strangecat]

Hi,
I had a parent consultation meeting with SEnco and teacher for my DS. Both were sitting opposite me. The teacher was lovely, very present and explaining things. Whilst she was talking, the SEN lady was looking behind her shoulder a lot, out of the window. It even distracted me as I tried to see what she was looking at. I found it extremely rude of her as if not that interested or even bored. We get 15 mins. Toward the end, she got up abruptly and said oh I am conscious of time.. I had notes which I didn’t get to look at. I said just one minute, let me see if I there is anything in my notes. She just stood there.
Iast year, when I approached her for an EHCP assessment, she initially agreed. After several months, I asked her for an update, thinking it was all sorted. She didn’t respond to my email. I saw her at the school gate and asked her. She then tells me, we decided not to apply.

Now, I am raging with her behaviour at the meeting and feel like I should have said something. Should I send an email and include the headmaster and highlight her behaviour at the meeting?
AIBU - forget about it!
AINBU - Rude behaviour- Send an Email

It feels like you need to get to the bottom of why they decided against the EHCP? Presumably that's the main issue, her lack of clarity or communication about that? Saying 'she kept looking out of the window' probably won't achieve much.

What is it you need for your child from the Senco and what do you want them to do to improve the situation in order to help your child in school? You could approach it more along those lines?

Apparently they have enough provision for him that they don’t think an EHCP plan will be needed. DS struggles with anxiety, ADHD and ASD. In the past, school refusal. Because he is doing “well” apparently. Yet, she said if we strip the scaffolding we have put in place, then he won’t cope.
I want to address both issues in my email. It felt like she wasn’t bored during the meeting and not that engaged in general.

What was the sim of the meeting? I would wait you get the notes. It’s tricky because of course she shouldn’t have been rude. However you need her on your side as your child is staying at the school. Your alternative might be to get an advocate involved if you can afford it. It takes a lt of pressure off you and she’s bound to pay more attention when external prrdons are involved. There are charities who can help too, like SosSen.
Also think about applying for the EHCP directly.

Ahh she sounds like the relatively new one in my DS’s school, wouldn’t be surprised if it is at all… The previous one would sit with me for ages explaining things, she was quite warm and welcoming and seemed to have all the time in the world for a chat. She left about a year ago and the new one just rushes me in and out of the office as quickly as possible. She puts on a really false facade like she’s heavily invested and cares but forgets I’m educated to a higher level than her and can see through it. Also tried to get in touch with her about something a few weeks back, took her days to call me but I was working so couldn’t answer. Still waiting on her call back.

Anyway, rant over. Hit and miss with SENCO staff I guess. I would let the school know how dismissive she was.

You need to pick your battles and where to focus your energies so personally I wouldn’t complain about her behaviour in the meeting as I’m not sure it’ll accomplish much - I’d focus on what can be done to move things forward for your child. Focus on applying for an EHCNA yourself-don’t wait for the SENCo. Check out the IPSEA website.
Some people can be rude- getting angry about it generally punishes you not them. Maybe she could have been more attentive but we don’t know what is going on in her world- maybe she is getting ill, is stressed etc. Sadly there are bigger battles ahead if you are going for an EHCP.

Sartre - it’s exactly that! She puts on a fake smile but I can clearly see through her. The previous SENco I was dealing with was definitely warmer and understood as she herself has SEN kids.

This is the thing, I know I am going to need her so I don’t want to create a negative relationship. I have started the EHCP assessment request form but find the whole process so overwhelming. I have two DS with SEN.

But an EHCP can remain in place until the child is 25. So just because currently the school thinks that they can support your child isn't the point.

SENCOs are very busy. Maybe she didn't want to be there and felt it wasn't necessary (which it probably wasn't if she didn't have anything to say). Did you insist on her being there? I think it can be very frustrating for school staff to have to deal with pushy parents whose children have low level need when they have lots of children with significant need who require their support.

You arent going to make her politie or warm by complaining.

What you actually need from her is to do her job, so focus on that bit, make sure the scaffolding he has is well documented and isnt removed and make sure you have evidence if this.

To be fair to thd senco it is possible they can support him without an ehcp as actually the expectations of what a school should do without an ehcp are very high. But its not always the case at all.

But you can apply for an ehcp yourself if your child might need one and having it all documented helps with that too.

Could you follow up by email confirming what has been agreed and ask if you can schedule a review meeting.
I think you are probably better saying in person eg when she kept looking away - are you ok Mrs Smith? If she says what? you say oh I noticed you were very distracted looking at playground we can reschedule if you are needed urgently elsewhere.

Your child doesn’t need an ECHP. He’s doing well at school and the low-level support they’re giving him is enough.

I don't think her behaviour was that bad, I think you just don't like the outcome.

My DS is on the SEN registry and has a EP in place. therefore when there is a parent consultation, they send you a separate link to book this meeting. Also, as explained, my DS experiences high anxiety, gets aggressive, high ADHD and Autism and school refusal. He make plans to escape from school due to his anxiety. Trust me, I haven’t been pushing enough unfortunately. Mentally, I am exhausted.

I think if the support he has isn't enough, you need to go on ipsea, and follow thier advice on requesting a ehcna (there is a model letter)

It is exhausting unfortunately.

But you will have more success if you can evidence what they are doing already and that its not enough because he is still aggressive school refusing etc.

You dont need come up with the solutions as thsts the point of the needs assessment.

In terms of escape plans, are they risk assessment worthy? Are we talking suicide ideation, or just leaving the site at lunch and walking home, or blowing up the school? No need to answer, but something to consider

I will contact them to seek help.

He is in primary school. I have told the school of his plans and they have had talks with him.

He just looks for opportunities to leave the school grounds.

Generally, it’s for the parent to request assessment for an EHCP. It absolutely IS overwhelming, I’m not going to lie. Have a look on the ipsea website, they have standard letters you can use. The bar for assessment is pretty low. In my experience (I have 3 children with sen 🙄) primary schools are very reluctant to have ehcps. None of mine were assessed until it became urgent except my 3rd child when I’d finally cottoned on that the school did not gave his best interests at heart.

When the school puts a child on an individual plan they can claim extra money for them but this money can be spent anywhere. But an EHCP is a legally binding document and the needs with MUST be complied with or the school can be taken to court (in theory, I’ve never known this happen).