Cooking

[Xmasweappee]

Not sure if I am getting grumpy with age , live with dp who is car nut and spends hours making things and prides himself in being able to do anything . Am going out tonight and said maybe you can just make an omelette for your dinner , apparently that is too complicated for him , last week when I went out I said just fry a pork chop , that was too much too , god knows what he did in the 45 years before I meet him . Aibu to think he is a grown adult and should be able to cook ?

He clearly can but doesn't want to. If your out anyway I don't understand why its your problem. I would expect DH to sort himself out, if he can only bothered to make a sandwich that's up to him.

I wouldnt have even suggested a pork chop, hes a grown adult, if he can't decide a meal and cook it (or buy it) he has serious problems.

Step back, let him find his ability, stop being his chef, maid, organiser,...

Im off out Thursday.... see you later

No mention of - what will you do for tea, no mentioned of - theres a pork chop in the fridge, I took it out for you yesterday.

Does he manage to tie his shoe laces and go to work? He can source food

What did he do before you moved in? Have you never stayed over, been hosted in his house, how was the relationship?

No one can tell you how he managed for 45 years before meeting you but what did you experience with him before you actually moved in!

Keep reminding yourself that what your DH eats or does not eat is no concern of yours. You don't have to think about what he'll cook for himself while you're out, you do not have to have food in the fridge for him to cook and you certainly do not have to prepare something for him before you go out.

He can, he just doesn’t want to. Which is fine - not all of us enjoy cooking. But it’s unreasonable to expect someone to make you something just because you can’t be bothered and feign ignorance. And if he really has no clue - what’s wrong with a sandwich?

Yep. Can but doesn't want to.

Why are you worrying about what he's going to eat when you're not there anyway?

He can have a tin of something like beans then, on toast. As much as he likes. Shops sell these things.

My DH doesn’t cook at all either.

However, he will sort out ALL his own meals and lives mostly off salad stuff including coleslaw, hummus, breads, various cheeses etc. He can also microwave a ready meal.

If he doesn’t want to cook, that’s ok. I’m not bothered about that BUT I don’t cook for him either. He’s not interested in food at all so eats his simple meals alone.

We’ve been together for over 25 years and this is how it’s evolved. I cook only for DS and myself.

Why are you telling him to make an omelette or fry a pork chop? He’s an adult, he can decide for himself what he eats and cooks.

When you are not there, it's not your problem.

But if you are bored and tired of being the one who makes dinner for the both of you all the time, I completely understand that. DH can't cook. Doesn't care. If I don't cook, he can rustle up some sort of food that will fill everyone up and not even be unhealthy but it won't be great. 99% of the time I'm okay with this as we have lots of different ways to split our efforts. But every now and again I think, "wow, wouldnt it be nice to come home and have DH plate up something that is actually really delicious and quite appetising!"

He obviously managed to feed himself before you got together so this is not your problem to solve.
If you're going out - it's not your problem. He can buy a ready meal - phone for a take away - whatever. it's not a big deal if he doens't cook.

I agree with pp's. He isn't a child, just go out and leave him to it.

Why are you telling him what to eat? Bit odd for a grown adult. Telling him that you’re going out and won’t be in for dinner should be sufficient and then he can decide on his own whether he wants an omelette, something else, a takeaway or nothing at all. It sounds like you’re dealing with a young teen!!

I am not sure I would be telling him about the pork chop or the omelette, part of the good of going out for me is not having to plan what to cook.

Does he expect you to cook for me before you go out or do you feel you have to? If not I would not let it bother me and let him crack on with eating whatever.

My dp doesn't cook, I've done the cooking for the 18 years we have been together, however, if I go out he can still manage to feed himself - pop something in the oven/microwave meal/takeaway

I wouldn't have even given dp any suggestions, just go out and let him fend for himself he is an adult

he expects me to cook if I am there , will be going to a class and he expected me to cook when I get back but

haha. He can go do one. My DH, bless his heart, is genuinely surprised and grateful every single time I cook. It wouldn't occur to him for a second to insist that I cook or to expect me to cook. If I am not cooking, and he is hungry, he will find something to eat. And he absolutely would never expect me to cook if I'd been out and came back late!

And when he expresses this expectation, do you ever laugh in his face??

Like hahahha why would I do that, haven't you eaten? why ever not? waiting for me to cook? why? am I your mother? are you incapable? am I your chef?

The answer is no. If youre waiting for me to cook then you'll be going to bed hungry. AND DONT COOK.

So don’t. He’s not your manager.

I would tell him where to stick his expectations!

As I said in my earlier post, my DH chooses not to cook so I don’t cook for him.

If your DH chooses not to cook for you both, then refuse to cook any meals for him from now on.

He’ll either step up or he’ll decide he still can’t be bothered.

Accept he’s just not interested and instead focus on doing your own thing. You can’t change him but you can change your response to his behaviour.

My DH also doesn’t like eating in front of other people so won’t go for meals out. It’s a shame but I find other friends to enjoy that experience with instead.