To go on girls trip or not? Anxiety/irrational fears

[Babybirdmum]

I’ve been invited to Amsterdam by my friend (she is going with her 2 other friends who I know distantly). I have always wanted to go to Amsterdam (I live in the UK), but I feel a bit nervous. I have 2 young kids 1 and 4. They will be with their dad, I’m sure he’ll be fine with them. I am worried about dying in a plane crash despite knowing statistically it’s safer than driving. I don’t like the idea of dying doing something selfish or unnecessary. That’s why I don’t enjoy roller coaster and j wouldn’t want plastic surgery, yet a really risky op is have the attitude “if I die I die” because the op is necessary. I do believe in God but it doesn’t help me in this situation for some reason.

Take the train. Nicer than flying and better for the planet too.

I’d stay home. You sound too anxious and like you might not relax and enjoy yourself.

I wouldn't go in your position.

I think you should seriously consider therapy as that can not be an enjoyably way to live.

I get anxious if I’m flying and my kids are not. But I’m a widow - there is no one else but me.
You know your anxiety is too much and stopping you from enjoying things. Don’t go if you think you will be anxious the whole time, but consider talking to someone about this.

OP please go and chat to someone about that level of anxiety, you are young (maybe!) have friends inviting you away, assuming you are fit and able.

We only live once the kids will have a fab weekend with dad, you’ll have an amazing time away. But you maybe need to get some support and help with your thoughts and anxiety so you can see the alternative life, the fun, drinks, enjoying the sights and laughing.

DH and I pulled out of attending a friend’s wedding abroad when my kids were 1 and 3. I was terrified of dying because I’d been selfish and left them. I don’t actually regret that decision, my friend understood and it was evident that I wasn’t ready to leave them yet.

I mean you’re clearly not going to die on the trip, but I don’t think it’s crazy to be anxious about leaving a 1 year old! It’s OK to not go.

OP you don't sound well at all. These thoughts are not natural or normal. Most people would be jumping at the chance to go on a fun trip to. European city.
Have you always been like this? I suspect not. So what started it?
You cannot continue life like this - it will become unbearable and limiting for you (and others around you). Please seek help.

I'd say go, because your fears about flying are irrational/out of proportion, but the more immediate question is addressing those fears, or whatever is fuelling them. FWIW, the flight to Amsterdam from most UK airports is pretty cheap, very frequent, and very short. If you really can't face it (and can't get therapy to help you), then the ferry from Newcastle is not too expensive either, and has a very good restaurant. I understand the pressure of an irrational fear, but when it's something that has as large a potential impact on you as this, then getting help to address this would probably give you the greatest relief.

I understand you but I’d do all that I could to go because it might just be the lesson or the moment that you need once there and even once home again to think do you know what I did this, I did it for me and it was great cause you deserve that in life. I suffer with anxiety too and my god it hasn’t half took good opportunities away from me before. Maybe reach out to your GP and get some further support! X

Thanks guys. I’ve always been like this. Day to day I don’t feel anxious but I overthink trips for some reason. I come from an acious family, my mum is anxious over all the small things, if I tell her something like we’re going to a bonfire she’ll then start saying “make sure you do this” or “don’t do that” even though I’ve heard it all before. My sister has OCD. I find it annoying and I’m certainly not like that day to day, but I see a bit of that tendency in me here. I have turned down trips in the past because of this, school trips, one of my friends invited me to Las Vegas and I didn’t go. Weirdly I don’t worry when I go away with my husband or family but it’s the idea of being semi independent that adds a different level of responsibility here.

And again day to day I’m very independent

Im sure giving birth is more dangerous

Eurostar! Fear of flying no issue there.

Although it looks a little crazy to see it written down, I do sympathise. DH and I (both of us, so worse!) have gone on holiday a few times over the years without the kids and fleeting thoughts of plane and car crashes whilst the kids were home with grandparents has certainly crossed my mind (seen enough superhero origin movies!) but the difference was I didn’t let that irrational fear control me, we went and we had a great time.

Plenty of people do choose to not do this because they worry about something happening, I totally get what you mean about it happening doing something ‘selfish’ but I’m not putting my life on hold for 20+ years. I’m a more interesting and happy person pursuing my own interests and I’m happy for my children to see me doing that and I hope they opt to do the same for themselves. I don’t want my kids to grow up thinking being a parent means being a martyr. If anything did happen to us, I hope they would one day understand that. But mostly I hope I don’t die in a plane or car crash.

Get a train or a coach. But regardless it is an extremely short and low risk journey.

note my any of here can say can get rid of irrational anxiety without it being something you are dedicated to work on. That starts by doing things even when your brain is giving a million nonsense scenarios.

let the cycle of fear and worry end with you rather than passing it on another generation.

I’d go, when anxiety is stopping you doing something you want to do you know it’s become a problem.

But it’s not something you have to accept. It’s not genetic. You learned how to be anxious from a very anxious mother. Seek some help.

And I find your idea that it would somehow be worse to die doing ‘something selfish or unnecessary’ concerning. Going away for a weekend, or seeing friends, or doing things that don’t involve your DH and children isn’t ’selfish and unnecessary’.

If you had a firm guarantee that you would return home unscathed, would you be able to relax and enjoy the weekend? Or is it likely to be a miserable experience for you and and the other three as they deal with someone who visibly wishes she hadn’t come?

sometimes we're so into motherhood that it feels like the end of the world if we do something for ourselves. but your fears indicates that you might need to talk to a therapist or a coach. you need to dig deep to know where this fear is coming from.
regarding your trip, if you're that anxious i thing you wouldn't enjoy it much. so maybe start by doing something smaller, go shopping, treat yourself in a different way that doesn't require much time being away from the kids. step by step.