DH & football

[luce0]

So, we have 2 kids. A newborn and a toddler.

DH plays a football match every Tuesday night for one team, he has training every Friday night for a different team and then a match every other Sunday.

I'm all for him having hobbies/exercise but this weekend his sister and BIL are coming to us (they live 6 hour drive away) so we only see them 3 times a year, they’ll get here at around 10pm Saturday night as my BIL works Saturday’s.

Sunday, I’d planned to cook us a big roast and spend a nice family day together, they adore our kids and I get on really well with them so I’ve been looking forward to it.

DH has just told me he’s playing a match on Sunday even though he played last weekend, I said that it’s every other Sunday but he said sometimes it falls 2 weeks in a row, I asked if he can tell them that he can’t play Sunday as his family are here for dinner. He won’t. So now he’s going to be out of the house from 12:30-4:30, I think it’s really rude to his sister and BIL and I’m really annoyed about it.

I asked why he can’t just say that he cannot play this one weekend (I never ever ask him not to go) and he said he enjoys it too much, he likes spending time with the team, he’s part of a team that he has a commitment to and I’m like well you’ve also got a family which is a commitment too? It’s one weekend out of the whole football season.

He told me I’m picking an argument and he’s going so that’s that. Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed that he’s still going?!

As it's his sister, I would make him ring her and explain why unfortunately they will have the cancel this weekend and to come an alternative weekend when he's home. How rude of him to leave you to entertain his family while he swans off to have a kickabout with his friends.

Wondering what hobby of yours takes you away from the house for "you" time, 3 times a week for multiple hours.... 🤔

First post nails it. I would be limiting how many football sessions he has as he's massively taking the piss when you have a newborn at home.

He thinks he's irreplaceable to the team but he's not. People miss matches for sickness, holidays, weddings etc. Telling you that he enjoys it too much to miss one match is frankly insulting to you and his family. I'd have the lovely lunch without him. Tell him Sunday roast is not at DC bedtime.

expecting dinner on the table, a nice roast dinner to come home too as well as entertaining his family

I agree, 1st post nails it. If he won't call the sister, I would, and say you can't do it as your husband is playing football.

In this case? you tell your DH that since he is not going to be there when his sister visits, you are going to put her off until he will be there to host his own sister.

And then you sneak out of the house without the DCs before he goes to football. Just because.

Football is a religion in our house, we all play multiple times a week, but no way would either of us choose a game over seeing a sibling who has driven six hours to visit.

Thanks everyone

I really don’t want to put them off as I love them to bits and miss them now they’ve moved so far away and our DD adores them too and knows they are coming (newborn obviously too young to understand) I’m just really upset by his selfishness.

and I don’t leave the house any night of the week for me time other than once every 6 weeks I go for microneedling and a facial and every 10 weeks I have my hair cut and coloured.

Well he is not a child you can order around if man tried to limit a woman from doing a hobby she would be told he is being controlling and I presume he was no different to before they had the first now the second child, why would he change now?

sure women will go on to say 'well my partner should drop everything and do what I say' but real life does not work like that people are who they we dont have to agree with what he is doing but it is who he is same as women who go to the gym or do whatever hobbies they do

If you still want them to come, it’s him that should be embarrassed, not you. Have Sunday lunch together but I wouldn’t make him a plate up, he can just have whatever is left.

well maybe you should, being a martyr is not the right to go about it

he said he enjoys it too much, he likes spending time with the team, he’s part of a team that he has a commitment to

He has basically told you his football, his team, and his pals are more important to him than you, his children, and the rest of his family.
He should have stayed single.
His commitment should be to his wife and his children.
I wouldn't feel the same about him after this admission.

This
You cannot tell him what to do
You can tell him you will separate if he continues to act in a way you don’t want him to,but you have to be willing to see that through

Well start leaving. As much as he does. Yes, it will be sad not to have family time. But in the long term, the only way he will appreciate what you do, is to do it. And if you have a less lovely family member, invite them for the weekend and bugger off.

BTW I’d plan for divorce. Selfish, childish, stupid men are not people I’d be in a relationship with. And I know one of these. His wife is miserable and he’s never stopped. The kids barely know who he is.

Can I just make it clear that I absolutely have never had any problem with him playing football 2/3 times a week. He’s a hands on Dad, he works hard, he helps around the house, he doesn’t take the piss and I think it’s good for his physical and mental health to be out getting exercise and enjoying it with friends. We had a second planned baby knowing full well that he played football that much and I wasn’t expecting him to just drop it. Although the first 2 weeks after our baby was born he didn’t go to any football so he could be home to support me/baby/toddler.

What’s upset me is that he can’t miss ONE game when his sister and BIL are staying with us and we see them 3 times a year.

Presumably your SIL and BIL visiting has been planned for a while? It's not something that's suddenly been organised without your husband's knowledge? In which case, your husband must have known he'd be playing football this particular weekend, so why didn't he say something to you, so it could have been rearranged? He's now sprung this on you, and seems completely indifferent to the fact he will be missing a large part of his sister's visit. He only sees his sister 3 times per year, yet plays football multiple times per week. His priorities are all wrong. If you don't want to cancel your SIL, then don't buy you need to tell your husband that he needs to tell his sister that he won't be there for a proportion of Sunday. It's not down to you to do his dirty work for him.

I'm going to be honest, on my first date with my husband I asked him if he plays football, watches football, cycles or golfs. If the answer to any of those had been yes there wouldn't have been a second date, for this very reason - these are all consuming hobbies that men so frequently prioritise over their family.

I agree with the first poster who said if he wants to go he has to call his sister and cancel. Tell him he has to because you and the kids have just taking up rambling and will be out all day Sunday embracing your newfound hobby.

I think his sister and BIL would be disappointed. Very selfish of him. Imagine if you buggered off out if your family was visiting … I’m sure he would be thrilled.

In a nutshell. He’s being so rude and ridiculous.

https://inews.co.uk/inews-lifestyle/no-time-exercise-husband-runs-marathons-3434548

What a selfish arsehole. I would be furious too and I wouldn't be saving him any dinner either. The twat can sort himself out.

There is probably an article on how mothers turn into martyr's also

Are you bonkers? I used to have a very very consuming hobby but if I was expecting a relative for the weekend, it would just have had to take second place on that occasion.
She isn't saying that he shouldn't play football; she asking him to be there for a family, his family, event.
👿

You need to tell him that spending time with his sister is more important then spending it with friends he sees all the time, and tell him he is being very selfish.