Should I have been asked, even though I wouldn’t have gone?

[feedmefudge]

I’ve just found out that my two sisters and their husbands are going away for one of the husband’s (my brother-in-law) birthday. Think a weekend away at a luxury lodge. I haven’t been invited.
I’m a single parent and as a person, I’m menopausal and not very sociable 😂 I’m not a big drinker either. So in some ways, the opposite of them. But I’m still good company and fun! I probably wouldn’t have gone, not least because I recently took on a weekend job to boost my income.
But it would have been nice to be invited, right?
Or does one really need a man for these things … 🙄
I wouldn’t invite one sister to something and not the other. It just hurts a bit, I guess. And I found out through my dad, not them. But in a way - if I’m being 100% honest with you - I’m relieved not to have to go.
Freud would’ve had a field day with me 😕

You should still have been asked, just so you could decline.
Its the assumption that hurts and the fact you've found out through your dad.

I don’t actually think they’ve done anything wrong. They’ve correctly surmised you’re not into socialising or drinking so a weekend socialising and drinking in a luxury lodge isn’t your thing. No they don’t need to go through the motions of asking, knowing you’d decline, just to maintain social niceties

Maybe they correctly felt that you not only wouldn’t go, but wouldn’t even want to go, and decided not to bother with the fake “we know you don’t want to but would you like to come?” and go through the motions of you saying no, them saying are you sure, you saying yes. Very tedious if everyone involves knows you don’t want to go!

I can understand why you feel hurt but try and focus on not wanting to go anyway! For me, it would be more hurtful if the brother-in-laws weren’t going and you’d not been invited on a girls weekend.

It sounds like the BILS are friendly enough to have arranged this (or suggested it) themselves and as a single it would have meant another bedroom, so more expense, plus you’d have been “the spare” or third wheel (twice over). It’s rubbish when it’s like that - when I was first single I didn’t get invited to anything even though as a couple we’d gone to loads of stuff - it’s like couples don’t know how to involve or entertain a single person.

You know you won’t be missing much in all honestly - the weather’s crap, someone will argue or be a twat, they’ll drink too much and be hungover, someone won’t pull their weight cooking / cleaning up and everyone will be gritting their teeth til they can leave!

These things are usually better at the planning stage than the reality stage! But it hurts to have not been invited even though you’d not have gone - I totally get this, being similar myself. The fact you’d not have gone isn’t really the point, it’s the principle of it, but I think it’s a BIL thing this time and not your sisters.

This is an utter nonevent don’t let it be a thing. You weren’t invited to an social do you’d not enjoy and would decline
Adults should be able to exert preferences and choices about how they spend their social time without going through pretence of inviting you. Feigning surprise when you decline
You don’t want to go, they know that and didn’t invite you to an event you wont enjoy

Fake manners, social etiquette and well you’d think are all unnecessary and don’t add to human relationships

They have done nothing wrong. you have done nothing wrong
No need to invoke Sigmund

I’m not sure it’s fair to expect to have been asked. Firstly you’ve admitted it’s not really your thing. Secondly, I don’t think people should be forced to invite everyone to everything.

I’d find it really odd if every time my family arranged to do something the invite had to be for everyone. There are plenty of things we do together but realistically we all have different hobbies or interests. I don’t see anything wrong with people who enjoy the same thing getting together.

How often do you socialise with them all? How would the finances worked when splitting costs? By 5? 3? What about taking turns to cook and tidy?
would you have been happy taking a turn and doing a meal on your own for the other 4?

Thanks everyone - it’s good to get different perspectives! Even if it does seem IABU 😁

You’re being unreasonable yes. Do step this down, no need to phone the Tavistock

It's ok to feel hurt as well. If your relationship with them is otherwise good, i would think they just assumed it wouldnt be your thing. But its ok to feel a little left out too.

I think it would be up to the birthday boy. So in this case I’d assume his invited BIL and his wife. Rather than looking at it as the sister inviting her sister.

Now if it was your sister’s birthday event and you’d been snubbed I’d get the issue.

As an adult, do you expect to be invited to every, single, outing your siblings go on and do you always go as a threesome? Are you triplets and/or physically attached and conjoined? 🤔

I appreciate you feel left out. Surely though its the BIL's choice who comes to HIS birthday. 'Shall we invite your menopausal, not very sociable, not much of a drinker, opposite of everyone else sister, who also works weekends to come to my birthday weekend away???'

Surely they'd also need to hire larger lodge to fit you in? I can understand them not inviting you.

Why not invite your sisters out to a luncheon or something else?