Feeling left out

[WineBeforeWhine]

I have friends who I’ve known over 20 years, the husband died recently and his ashes, at his request, are to be scattered at a place special to him. I thought she would probably take them and go on her own like she did with her parents, however it now seems that eight of them are going. His old college friend and wife plus another couple and 3 of their friends. I kind of feel I’m not really that much of a friend because I was not asked and I would like to have gone too. She would always say we’re like sisters. I’m feeling hurt tonight and thinking we’re actually not as close as I thought we were. Am I being unreasonable to be upset that I have not been asked? There isn’t going to be a funeral he had a direct cremation.

Are the friends who are going mainly his, rather than hers? Or have more of a history with him, IYSWIM?

How close were you to him? Would you say you were close friends if you take out his wife? Would you meet up with just him?

There’s a strong possibility they are his close friends not hers.

The two couples were his friends. The other three her friends.

I would imagine this is because you are her friend and the ones going were more his friend, or more equally friends of them both perhaps

Crossed post! If youre like sisters could you ask her if you'd be able to go

I know you feel left out but remember her husband just died. Her headspace is just working overtime to deal with this grief. She's bringing people who had a connection with him. You need to step away from this. Trust me this isnt about her not seeing you as a close friend. Those three people might even have said do you need support, we can join you. You just dont know. When dh and I burried our twin babies 2 years ago, I didnt even notice the people around us, I just felt lost and so sad. I definatly wasnt weighing up who was my close friends and who wasnt. I was just grateful to be standing upright

Ella31 I’m so sorry for your loss.

I should have explained that though they were married it was for convenience and they weren’t ‘a couple’ in the true sense of the word. Having said that I do appreciate what you say about her headspace. I didn’t say anything to her when she was telling me.

Oh @Ella31so sorry. Huge hugs to you 💛