Toddler bullying

[marzipanoranges]

DH has picked DD up from nursery tonight and they have pulled him to the side to say DD, who is a young 3, has been taking toys off a particular child and calling her a baby. I feel so upset, she is actively singling out a child and being mean. Is this normal behaviour for a 3 year old? She hasn’t got to grips with sharing yet although we are obviously reinforcing this through play.
What do I need to do? Am I worrying over nothing or do I need to be concerned? By the way she is usually a lovely happy girl but not without her tantrums!!!

YABU - you are being unreasonable to worry, normal toddler behaviour
YANBU - you are right to be worried, not normal toddler behaviour

Bullying is a strong word and I wouldn't use it in this scenario.
At home, you need to act like another child. So for example, play with her but be a bit more opinionated wjth what you want to play with, play alongside her and with her, take thjngs from her and demonstrate how to do that kindly and how to ask.
With animals or character toys, role play snatching, asking kindly etc.
There's also lots of books. I just got two from my local library, one about snatching and the other one about not sharing. My 3 year old is loving it and my 6 year old loved it when he was that age.
Also, have a light & short conversation about would she like to be called a baby.
Use it as a teaching opportunity.

Normal toddler behaviour. Definitely not bullying. Try modelling turn taking and sharing at home. Play with her and ask for turns with whatever the toy is. Board games are also really good.

I wouldn’t get too hung up on the baby comment. I would guess that the child is in nappies or uses a dummy or something like that and she’s only repeating what she’s been told e.g. if you’ve said during potty training that big girls wear knicker and babies wear nappies. Nursery would have told her in the moment it wasn’t kind. She’s too little for you to pick up the discussion after the fact.

It's pretty normal and I wouldn't call it bullying at that age. Think of it as a learning opportunity - have a conversation with her about childx and say that when you're mean to her and call her a baby and take her toy, it makes her feel sad. It's not nice to say mean things or snatch toys.

Do you have any friends with children the same age? Can you arrange some playdates at home? Toddlers need plenty of opportunity to learn how to interact with peers and play fair - in a one to one situation at home, you're able to direct and shape their play behaviour and teach turn-taking and sharing. It doesn't magically happen without giving them lots of opportunities to socialise and practice.

Bullying is a ridiculous word to use.

You need to correct the behaviour and teach your child (the teaching is not immediate).

I'm not voting because i hate your choice of words

She's 3 and I don't think a 3yo is capable of bullying.

Does she have friends to play with at nursery? Do you do playdates or any activities with her outside of nursery time? I would ask the nursery staff to encourage her to play with children that she gets on with. I would imagine she is copying the behaviour from another child, or it's an attempt to play which is going wrong because she doesn't have the skills to suggest a game to another child.

How's her speech? Clear and understandable outside of the family?

Thank you for all your comments, appreciate all your advice.

I agree, bullying is the wrong word but I was just a bit shocked when DH told me.

She does get plenty of socialisation so guess I just need to carry on teaching her through play and ask nursery to do the same, which I think they are doing already.

It was more than it is one particular girl I was worried. I think if it was all the children I wouldn’t be as worried if that makes sense.

Her speech is ok I would say, not as advanced as some of her peers but understandable most of the time.