To be upset by this comment?

[flambebiscuit]

NC’d as I’m upset.

I have 3DC, youngest my DH is the biological father of. He’s been in our lives to the other two since they were young, he’s closest with DC2 out if the 3 of them. DC1 and him get on well but DC2 calls him dad, they’re best friends, have days out just the two of them etc. You get the gist. Anyway, it usually works really well all round. This evening, we’ve fallen out over a miscommunication and I tried to talk to him about it. He said not now, I’m trying to make dinner for YOUR kids (they couldn’t have heard it, other end of house). AIBU to be really upset by this? He always refers to the three of them as ‘our kids’ and has such a special bond with DC2. He has always loved our family unit and missed the older two DC terribly when they’re away to see their dad, he gets really low as he misses them. It felt so nasty the way he said it.

That is horrible but if its a one off and he was under a lot of stress I can understand how things like this can slip out are you doing your fair share with kids,house and work?

My guess is he was pissed off. Most of say dumb things when we are stewing.

He was making their dinner, assume because he was happy to do so?

I would leave him be for a while.

@flambebiscuit what was the miscommunication you've fallen out over? Something to do with the kids?

He is clearly annoyed, so said something in the heat of the moment, perhaps to reflect how he is feeling at the moment.

I would therefore wait for an appropriate time to discuss whatever the issue was.

Cheap shot, he knew it would upset you. Forget it, assuming it doesn't become a thing.

Sounds horrible but if it's a one-off, it could be put down to just being irritated, maybe hungry, tired, had a bad day or whatever. Obviously, if it happens more than once, it's a different issue.

My mum would refer to my brother and I as "your kids" to my dad, when she was up to her eyeballs in it. It didn't mean we weren't hers too or she didn't see us as hers, to me it's a turn of phrase. All be it a clumsy one given the circumstances

That's mean and you're not wrong to be hurt - that was entirely the intent of it.

Step away and give things time to simmer down, then go and talk to him, tell him how hurtful that is not just to you but to the children. Ask him how he'd have made amends if your 2nd had overheard that comment, how difficult it could potentially be to walk that back. If he's any sort of decent he'll be mortified and contrite!

If he's not, or gets defensive or doubles down then you've got a problem. But give him chance to cool off and realise what a dick he was first.

The miscommunication was over a DC. He thought that I was saying he had to do something that would be inconvenient, which I wasn’t but he didn’t let me explain, just got annoyed and walked off.

I said that the comment he made was so low and he said that’s fine.

YANBU. That’s an awful comment to make to you OP.

Wonder when he’ll apologise.

Thank you everyone. We’ve never had one blended-family issue before until now so I wasn’t sure if I was BU or not. You’ve all really helped.