To think most people are too easy to read?

[ThatIcySwan]

I don’t mean it in a smug way but I often find that people are more transparent than they think - their insecurities, motives or attempts at “cool indifference” come through clearly if you’re paying attention. It’s almost like everyone’s running the same emotional script, just with different scenery.

AIBU to think that most people aren’t as mysterious or unreadable as they imagine themselves to be?

Tell that to the Celebrity Traitors

I'm a 'my face definitely says it it even if my words don't' person so I'm sure I'm very readable lol.

Steady on Sherlock, not everyone has been gifted with your unmatched powers of deduction

While I disagree with the title, I do agree with your broader point. Many people are indeed more transparent than they realise and reveal a lot more than they think.

Sounds more likely that you are really judgemental, and other people aren’t as bothered about your opinion as you think. Who are all these people that you think are trying to be mysterious and unreadable?

Do most people imagine themselves to be particularly mysterious and unreadable?

Also I’d imagine it’s very likely that there have been times you’ve thought “oh it’s so obvious what they’re thinking!” and you’re totally wrong, you just never find that out.

Not really about being judgemental, more observational. You start to notice patterns when you work with or around people a lot. I don’t think most people are trying to be mysterious, I just think they underestimate how much they reveal through tone, timing or body language.

I’m sure I’ve misread people before, we all have. I just mean that in most day to day interactions, people reveal more than they think through tone, phrasing or timing. It’s not about everyone thinking they’re mysterious, more that many assume they’re harder to read than they are.

I don’t understand why you think people are trying to be discrete though, plenty of people during normal working interactions aren’t overthinking everything that much. Do you think you are mysterious?

Nope, I’m a fantastic manipulator. I played a murder mystery game with my DH and kids last year and conned them all every time.

I think it very much depends upon the situation and the type of person. Most people couldn’t care less if you read them or not so have no pretence about how they come across.

many assume they’re harder to read than they are

It’s really nothing I’ve ever thought about, and I don’t think I’m particularly harder or easier to read than anyone else. I just don’t think most people have much of an opinion on how readable they are.

But I still think you have no idea how accurately you’re reading people. I have an anxiety disorder and regularly have panic attacks. I’ve been in situations where I’ve been on the verge on a panic attack and when I’ve mentioned it to a close friend/colleague afterwards (someone I’m close to who would tell me the truth, and I haven’t asked because I want to know how it came across, I’ve just mentioned that I was struggling) they’ve been surprised because it didn’t come across. You’ve no idea what is going on in people’s heads that you aren’t picking up on, and most of the time you will never know, so it just makes no sense to me to claim everyone is easy to read.

Not so much about people trying to be discreet - more that a lot of communication is unspoken, even when people aren’t consciously aware of it. I just find human behaviour interesting, small things like pauses, tone shifts or phrasing can reveal more than people realise. And no, I don’t think I’m particularly mysterious, I just notice patterns easily.

I don't lie to people. My face usually says it all. Do I care you think I have insecurities. No. You have double, perhaps triple and made a thread about it on a place like this

But why do you think people are trying to hide anything? Unless you work at MI5, why are the people you interact with just not being themselves?

Yeah you are over thinking it, most people aren’t bothered about giving away the tiny things you’ve mentioned you think you are good at spotting. You’ve backtracked from your mysterious comments in your OP too.

I agree with you. Look at the relationship boards and see how many men “follow the script” or how abusive men choose a partner.
I think we all follow scripts to some extent and all have different degrees of a select number of traits.
If people pick up on it then it could be easy to read someone.

I don’t necessarily think people are trying to hide things, most of the time they’re just being themselves. But even then, how people speak, react or hesitate can reveal more than they realise. It’s not about secrecy, more about how much of human communication happens beneath the surface without us thinking about it.

Im going to kind of agree with you, on this basis.

At work, they do a company wide anonymous survey. I know, due to working in the area that organises it previously, that it is 100% anonymous. I have seen multiple pieces of evidence, including contractual documents with the third party supplier who do the survey, that it genuinely 100% anonymous. On the survey and all the communication about it, it says its anonymous.
Every year, people grumble and say its not anonymous.
'Well, my manager has said things that made me think they know it was me'
We communicate largely via Slack. Your manager has literally thousands of examples of the way you write, and has meetings and 121s with you.
If you write on the survey in the same way you do in the survey, and/or talk about the same things that you do in your work life, then obviously that might lead someone reading the comments who knows you to figuring out its you. Not rocket science - but people refuse to believe thats possible, that they could be identified by these kind of clues, it MUST not be anonymous....

But your point in your OP was that people ‘aren’t as mysterious or unreadable as they imagine themselves to be’ which is different.

I agree with you in part but I think some people do realise.

In the last 5 years I have made a point of trying to not hold back all of my emotions at work (and at home) and be more vulnerable and authentic.

I often think people in work situations may think ‘oh that’s annoyed her a bit’ because previously I would hide any annoyance. I don’t blame or shame at all as a leader but I don’t hide emotions as much now. I had a boss who was impenetrable but would bitch behind people’s back and I noticed it created an awful tension and paranoia.

It was a trait of mine to gloss over mistakes and always want to make people feel better but I’m more balanced now.

It’s definitely been for the better for my team (proven by all the usual measures) and I am heavy with praise and quick to defuse, relieve any issues or tension.

Until you make a massive mistake.
Please, OP, don't become content in that decision.
Some people put on brilliant masks.

You might be right to some extent but I think it's good to be open to the fact you might be wrong sometimes, might actually be projecting and don't really know what's going on inside people's heads.

It can be quite intrusive and frustrating when people ascribe a feeling or intention to you when it's not true, especially when they are completely convinced and self-satisfied about it to the point of trampling over your actual thoughts and feelings, especially if your emotions don't "present" in a way that most people's do.

That said, yes people probably reveal more than they realise sometimes through micro-expressions etc.

The thing about being judgemental is most of the time you are correct.

I agree with PP. You don't inhabit anyone else's head so your interpretation of their behaviour can only be projection. You may be correct on occasion but unless you ask every person to confirm your assumptions you will never know. You have no way of finding out if you are wrong unless you want to spend your life alienating people with intrusive questions.