I’m so sick of myself

[flossie72]

There are so many things about myself that I’m sick of but can’t seem to change. I am overweight. I desperately need to lose about 1.5 stone minimum. I saw a photo of myself tonight at an event I thought I looked ok at and just recoiled. But no matter how much I promise myself I will eat better, I never do. I just repeat the same bad habits with snacking, wine and not sticking within calories.

My house is overrun with clutter. Every cupboard and drawer is filled with crap. I have joined threads on here and promised myself I will make a start on it but just never do.

I work part time but the rest of the time I have my toddler with me and never get the chance to just crack on with things uninterrupted. By the time they are in bed I’m spent and have no motivation for anything other than sitting in front of the TV with a glass of wine.

I know I need to make some serious changes and I do have good intentions but actually putting them into practice and not falling into my usual shitty habits is proving so hard. I’m sick of my lack of willpower. And I wish I just had a small amount of time without work or dc to just crack on with things.

It's definitely tough with a toddler, especially when working as well.

You might find if you can get the clutter sorted, you'll have more motivation to do other things too. Try setting a timer for just 10mins, and doing 10mins if tidying just one area, or pick one drawer. Work through it like that and it might not seem so overwhelming.

Or, if you can get out for a walk, even just 20mins, you might have more energy for the 10min tidy.

Break things down into much, much smaller chunks and they become more manageable and you'll start to feel like you're succeeding, instead of like you're failing.

Do you earn enough for your child to go to childcare for a bit when you're not working?

I think this is the issue, I’m so overwhelmed with everything that I just keep putting it off. I promised myself I would tackle a drawer a day and I haven’t even managed that.

The eating and drinking is purely down to lack of willpower although maybe if I had a bit more free time I’d have the opportunity to meal plan a bit more. I do have at least one short walk a day. I feel constantly busy but like I’m not achieving anything.

Are you tired? It's very hard to change if you are tired. Fix this first of you are. Then you need non negotiable routines for the things you want to change. You need to prioritise what you want to change first and work on one thing at a time until it becomes an engrained habit. Maybe start with exercise. Can you incorporate some physical activity with your toddler? This would help with stress and weight loss and make you feel more positive.

Also try pomodoro method. Changed my life!! Are you neurotypical?

I have no advice but I read your post and thought I must have wrote it. You’re not the only one. Solidarity 💕

Same as poster above who said about small chunks. Is there a bit of the house that drives you especially crazy? If you started somewhere small and saw that cleared it might help. I will say remember it’s your home and so there will be stuff and mess because you have a child!

I wonder if being nicer to yourself might help, for starters? You’re combining work and a toddler, that’s a lot. It’s not a crime to want to have part of the day to rest and relax.

Personally I might be inclined to shelve the clutter for now and deal with it when DC is a bit older and less demanding. If you’re feeling stretched already and want to prioritise one change (which is likely to be more achievable than changing everything), I’d pick weight loss over clutter, just because being overweight is bad for your health (and I say this as someone who needs to lose the same amount as you and has not been getting anywhere with it. BUT in the last year or so I did actually get somewhat on top of my long term clutter problem, which is huge for me).

Pick weight loss as the one change you want to make for now, really focus on it, and if you manage to crack it who knows, it might help give you motivation for all the other stuff.