DS might be kicked out of college

[Angeliog]

DS is 16 and I've struggled with his behaviour for a while, he constantly struggled with his anger at school and got into fights all the time and in the end he was permanently excluded and was sent to a PRU. This was year 9 and he stayed there until he left in year 11.

He started at college in September and it's honestly gone much better than I expected, he really knuckled down and gets his assignments done on time, he's not missed a day (school refusal was a common theme) and he seems to enjoy it. His behaviour is better at home too.

He made friends with another boy on his course and he's struggled with making and keeping friends, over half term I found out the friend is actually a bf, I don't have any issues with that. The boy has selective mutism and communicates with DS by typing on his phone.

However, with a few people on their course he doesn't do this and today DS said they were on a free period and some of the boys came up to them and asked DS why he's hanging out with a “freak” and kept trying to get the other boy to talk, DS told them to leave him alone but they kept going on. The other boy ended up getting up and going but DS got into a fight with them and college are now saying he might be kicked off as they have a “zero tolerance” for fighting. They said they'd investigate what the other boys were doing but it seems DS will be the only one kicked off.

I'm not saying he's perfect because he isn't but college seemed like a fresh start but now he's saying he doesn't care anyway if he's kicked off (after previously enjoying college).

I don't know what to do, it just seems like a repeat from school

But it’s not a repeat from school, he stood up for someone. While fighting isn’t great, he shouldn’t be punished or tarnished because of it. Just stand by him op, if it doesn’t work out there he’ll find something, he was on a good road.

So lads were taunting etc. Did ds throw the first punch? Did other lads hit back?

Ask for cctv if there is any.

I would argue for a short suspension if ds hit out first

Contact the college and advocate for your son. Go in person if you can - ask for a meeting. Email them now what you've written above. Help them see that they were helping him and he needs to stay. Ask them to contact the other boy. Be polite but firm.

Make a fuss and do not let kicking out your son be the easy option. Make kicking him out the hard option. Ask to see the principal and email them as well.

Don't be rude or aggressive, praise the college for how they've helped him and help them to see they've made the wrong call.

Good luck!

I think you need to give the college context and hope they relent. Explain how he's really turned things around. That he was responding to homophones and ableist bullying, albeit inappropriately.

Separately you need to back them them to the hilt. They and your son need to know that you do consider hid behavior unacceptable. I mean for goodness sake- fighting at 16, in college? He could be done for assault.

Your son needs to know to grow up!

That’s really hard, just when things looked like they were getting better. If it was me, in these circumstances, I’d lay it on thick with college about disability hate speech or something from the other boys (Maybe see if you can find one of their policies to quote at them). Does sound like it would be so much better for him to stay. As an ex PRU student hopefully they can find some way of giving him another chance 💐

Are you in touch with the parents of the other boy? They might be able to support him to provide evidence to back up you case. Do fight it. It seems very unfair that your DS will be punished for sticking up to nasty ableist bullies.

Homophobic bullying and bullying due to disability is as bad as fisticuffs they all
should be reminded on how to behave they are adults now if that’s excluded so be it with the caveat that your son sees a therapist for his ongoing struggle that will really help unpick why he is how he is
have you considered your son may have extra needs such as Autism or some such and of course as he is exploring his sexuality he was also threatened caused alarm and distress and if Autistic then he would of had an anxiety attack reverted to how he usually deals with the situation as he has no other strategies hence counselling would be a benefit
in a nut shell you play the homophobic disability bullying with possibly undiagnosed Autism/spectrum and go from there

feel free to punctuate it for me…

I thought what you said was quite clear.

Homophobic bullying and bullying due to disability is as bad as fisticuffs. They
should all be reminded how to behave - they are adults now! If that’s "excluded", so be it, but with the caveat that your son sees a therapist for his ongoing struggle. That will really help unpick why he is how he is.

Have you considered your son may have extra needs such as Autism or some such? Plus, of course, as he is exploring his sexuality, he was also threatened (caused alarm and distress) and if autistic, then he would have had an anxiety attack and reverted to how he usually deals with the situation as he has no other strategies, hence counselling would be a benefit.

In a nut shell, you play the homophobic disability bullying, with possibly undiagnosed autism, and go from there.

ETA a "d"

Damn - I wish I'd taken the liberty of adding "nearly" to your sentence "they are adults now" @DarkNanny.

Nearly is a tuff one isn’t it as childhood is a social construct and by 16 most children were working yet we know the brain and body of males are not mature till after 21 yet we will be conscripting children ready for WWlll soon saying they are adults 🤷‍♂️ hence why the voting age is getting lowered to 16
you did a great job there thanks 👍🏻

I also attended college for A levels straight from school. I also completely flunked the first year. Hardly turned up to class and sat down to my first year exams, looked at the papers, reaslised I didnt know anything and walked out.

I then switched colleges during the summer break, took a Btech in a subject I was passionate about and got distinction.

Then I did a hnd and converted it to a degree. Which I also found I hated and then switched uni's and started my first year again the next year in a different subject. Then I got a high 2:1 and now have a great career. (I also switched careers twice).

I am saying this as I don't think there is much pount in flogging a dead horse. I found the btech suited me better, it was one subject that I was super interested in and more hands on actual stuff you would do in a job. A levels were dry and boring in comparison.
There are many paths and potentially the A levels he has chosen are just not for him.
What about drawing a line under this year, going through course catalogues and choosing something new that he is really interested in to start september.

The choice of either do these Alevels you clearly hate doing or get a menial job and forget it, is not giving him actual options.

I would say I worked part time all the way through college and uni, and this was extremely valuable experience, so a part time job I would recommend.but on top of that, help him find what he is passionate about

I thought I wanted to do A levels, but I quickly discovered that I did not want to do another two years of heavy book work and the subjects lost their appeal once i started them.

Did he get kicked out op?