How to be a lovely DIL

[frillsandtulips]

I have THE most brilliant MIL. On here they’re always getting the flak - but I feel I’ve genuinely struck gold with mine. She’s helpful, sensitive, not overbearing, and her and my FIL are always so supportive. They love spending time with their grandchildren and I love having them to stay! So here’s my question…. She has 3 boys and I’m conscious that without daughters I don’t want her to ever feel sidelined and like all her boys have their own wives and lives etc now. I also now have boys so maybe I’m looking into the future 😅. So, how do I be the best daughter in law possible - like tips I might not have thought of?! Things maybe you wish your daughter in law would do??

On the whole I feel I’m fairly attentive - Christmas/birthday presents, whatsapping photos of grandchildren, spending Christmas/Easter and other big occasions together. Inviting them round. Having a good gossip over a coffee etc! The only thing I’m not particularly good at is phoning and chatting for ages, but she’s not particularly into that either I don’t think.

any thoughts?

You sound lovely and that you’re doing everything you can to be a lovely DIL.

Just continue being you and she will continue appreciating you as you are.

It’s lovely to read such a nice post.

My MIL had 4 sons and I was probably the DIL she was closest to. I would do things like -

buy her favourite foods and drink when she came to stay (she liked full fat milk which we don't normally have, cream in her coffee, peanut butter and jam on her toast etc) and cook her favourite meals.

Buy pretty bedding and make up the spare room with fresh flowers and nice toiletries, fluffy towels etc

Buy her little treats when she was travelling like travel sweets/mints & magazines.

When she was in hospital I bought her new dressing gown and pyjamas and brought books, nice drinks and food treats for her.

I met her when I was just 17 and she was kind and looked after me when I was quite ill after my 2nd baby, I never forgot that. I miss her ❤️

I agree with above poster, you seem like a great dil x

My DiL and I have our career in common, so we understand that stress and I know how busy she always is, because it’s how I used to be.

What I most like and appreciate about her is that she loves my son and they have raised two grandchildren I love.

I try hard to find gifts she will enjoy and she does the same. Photos are what I most appreciate and spending time with them. They don’t live nearby, so we’re not together that often, but I cherish the times we are.

Just make it really obvious how much you like her. Nothing nicer!

Thank you for all the replies! ❤️

I get gifts for mil. She loves shawls and absolutely adores anything in pink so I try to keep a look for her.

Spend time with her - ensure she gets to spend time with her son, you and her grandchildren. My stepmother has two sons and their families spend much more time with their wives families - because the DIL organise the family social life around their DMs & DFs. It makes her sad.

This is all lovely and you so sound lovely so I would say carry on as you are for sure.

But I have a HUGE BUT.

Where are the men in all of this? Particularly the post right above mine by snowgirl. Why are we still expecting so much more from the DIL than the son?? Why does being the man mean you get to opt out of making arrangements with your family and rhe wife gets the blame.

Don't mean to bring the thread down. You sound like you are both lovely and get on well. So no reason reason feel anything other than happy abour that.

I mean why should any woman have to ' ensure she gets to spend time with her son, you and her grandchildren'. Why is the son treated like another child of the house?

I wish my DiL was as thoughtful you. We didn't get an invite to their wedding/after party, neither did her parents. Just the young people & siblings. That's the way she wanted it. Very hurt at the time😔