To hate when people say “That’s just who I am” to cover up for being rude

[Mrsquestions]

Just that really. I understand not changing yourself to fit in. I understand everyone has traits. But I don’t think it’s fair when people are rude or insensitive to others and rather than apologising, they turn around and say “Well that’s just who I am”

Just had a right old falling out with a friend, I’m sick of her being flakey, not caring what comes out of her mouth. We’ve only been friends for just over a year met at a toddler group. We got close really quick, pretty much became best friends within weeks.

Though I love most of her, I feel like she can continuously give me unsolicited advice and be rude/hurtful. Every time I tell her that what she said is over the line all I get hit with is “that’s just me”.

I’m the problem apparently for getting too upset over things that she says. Apparently, I need to man up a bit.

Another thing that bugs me is “men will be men or boys will be boys”

You love a friend you met at a toddler group a year ago?

Misses point.

Doesnt sound as if she likes you that much

Some people are more direct, and others are more sensitive. Doesn’t make either one wrong. If you clash on communication style, it might just be that you’re not suited as close friends or that is a friendship that needs more working on.

As a friend, yes. We’ve pretty much gone through maternity leave together and I really appreciate that she was there for me.

Would you tell someone in a one year relationship that they were not allowed to romantically love that person?

The trouble comes when the direct ones can only take it going one way--not towards them!

I’d agree that this is most likely the case.

Although I feel like there is a difference in direct and insensitive.

She sounds rude and small minded throw this one back

You're just being obtuse.

Romantic relationships are entirely different from friendships.

Bit weird to love a friend youve known for a year who barely likes you and is constantly criticizing you. What is to love about her if you're making threads about her ao early on in knowing her

Yes, the 'tell-it-like-is' brigade are arseholes. No-one wants your opinions love, no-one asked for them, and no-one needs them. Go away!

I HATE people who think telling it like it is, is some kind of strength. It's not. It's mean and spiteful. Unless someone ASKS you for your opinion, don't give it.

Ah, the "If you can't cope with me at your worst, you don't deserve me at my best" brigade/aka "That's me, I say it like it is".

Yawn.

No-one cares and you are just being rude.

Classy.

Well yes of course they are! I didn’t want to give too many details but it’s close to 2 years just don’t want to be outing.

The issue is, she isn’t like this all the time.

My thread is more discussion about people who are rude to others but then claim it’s just who they are rather than apologise

Yep, this is what I was getting at in my thread xx

Yes this!

But if this woman is so rude, then why are you friends @Mrsquestions and why do you 'love' her? Are you sure she is good for you? She seems to be chipping at your self esteem a bit.

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I think it was just a figure of speech tbh

Exactly! Reply in kind and they can’t take it…

So you reacting to her disrespect is you being too sensitive - manipulation at its finest I’d say.

She’s not “covering up for being rude”, she’s saying she doesn’t care if you find her rude because she’s not going to change her behaviour for you.

She’s being very clear, it’s up to you to decide whether you still want to be friends with her.

It’s just how OP is.

When people say ‘that’s just how I am’, and you don’t like how they are, you don’t have to be friends with them.

They’re telling you they’re not bothered if they hurt your feelings.

You can’t make them be bothered if they’re not. 🤷‍♀️

If you want your feelings not to be hurt by these people, stop spending time with them.

It really can be that simple, particularly if this is just a friend you’ve known for a year.

Hmmm - remember the old adage that those who profess to "tell it like it is" or claim to be "brutally honest" actually enjoy the 'brutal' aspect, but hold a mirror to their face and they are the ones most unlikely to appreciate that which is reflected back at them!

When these people say ‘I just say it how it is’ I say ‘oh me too!’ and they get it right back now!