AIBU to call a halt to babysitting?

[NotSoFunThis]

I have no children but I’m a semi regular(sometimes regular) babysitter for friends and I have been for 20 plus years. But I still have friends who have young children and are still having babies and I want to call a halt now.

I’m disabled and I have increasing pain and sensory issues and I am now not very fond of children. I’ve worked in childcare too so I feel that I’ve done my time.

AIBU to say that I’ll honor any commitments I’ve already made but that from next year I won’t be babysitting for anyone short of a genuine emergency e.g childbirth, hospital stay, sibling or parent goes to hospital etc?

She's a dick.

TBF, it doesn’t sound like this person is a genuine friend. More like someone who is only interested in what you can do for them.

I really hope you’ve been charging the going rate for babysitting for these last 20 years otherwise, you’ll likely find that your friends are nothing of the sort and are your common or garden cheeky fuckers!

What? What an utterly self absorbed 'friend'.

No no no!

You take care of you! You dont owe her to babysitning. She is ridiculous.

It isn't fair of your "friend" to expect you to babysit the child she decided to have. Definitely call it quits and make sure you stick to your emergencies only rule. There are plenty of users who will try to get around your boundaries.

Oh come on, you can see she's being silly here. You are not obliged to offer your services to anyone!

Does this friend, or any of the others, help you out if you need it?

Do we need a bloody thread, it’s as simple as “can you babysit?” “No sorry i’m busy”. Use your brain OP

Well she wouldn't be my friend any longer with that attitude. Absolute knob.
I'd remind her that you are a person, not a commodity being passed around the group. It's not her turn for a go.

Wow some ‘friend’ - get them to pay for their own babysitters like most people do

Uncalled for 😡

That is not a friend. I don't think any of them are your friends if you feel this hesitant to stop doing something for them that harms you! Get a grip and stop now fgs

@NotSoFunThis
What??
20 yrs of babysitting would be enough to make anyone "now not very fond of children"
I'd create a group message for everyone you babysit for and include your friend who thinks you're being unfair.

"After 20 yrs I'm finally hanging up my babysitting cap! Happy to honour any
commitments already made but from 31st Dec 2025 (or whatever date suits)
I will no longer be available.
I'm sure you'll understand as my health isn't as great as it once was.
Lots of love Notsofun xxx"

Then don't back down when a CF decides it doesn't / shouldn't apply to them, practice saying this:

"Sorry, I don't babysit anymore, hope you get sorted"

I very much doubt that your 'friend' is only having a baby now because it was contingent on your being able to babysit. Nobody can EVER rely on having an automatic babysitter (even grandparents could become ill or disabled and unable to do it), so I don't think your withdrawal of services will make any difference to her at all.

Enjoy your retirement from a fairly thankless task.

Exactly. Ask her to spell out exactly what her complaint is based on: does she reckon that all childfree women are de facto at the service of those who choose to bear children?
She’s a twat and she’s ridiculous, and she certainly isn't your friend.
Stand up for yourself, for Heaven’s sake.

Thanks all. I generally don’t get paid but I’m not too troubled about that however I did feel bad for the first time Mother momentarily but it should be a favour not an expectation.

As several of you have suggested I’ll not mention emergency babysitting and then if a genuine emergency does occur then I can offer my services if available, otherwise I’ll be inundated as you all mentioned.

I’m grateful for your advice.

Just to add a slightly different perspective-it is crazy for anyone to want someone in failing health to watch their children-and someone who has said she is finished.

What kind of parent foists their child on an unwilling babysitter??

Draw a VERY firm line @NotSoFunThis. what if your failing health resulted in you not being able to properly care for child or there was an accident?

Exactly. Anyone would think there’d been a formal contract of employent (plus a salary).
OP needn’t say any more than that she’s no longer doing any babysitting.
If this circle of grasping friends can’t think of any reason why OP might take this decision after all these years, she still needn’t engage in explanation of attempts to soften the flipping message. Rotton lot.

Good idea. Very much better and effective than any announcement.

They just want free babysitting and don't care that your physical and mental needs really need to be your priority now.

I'd give notice to any current arrangements notice that you're stopping in a month due to health issues, give them a firm date, and they need to find new care. No ifs, ands or buts.

No good deed goes unpunished. Now your "friends" feel entitled to your free services.

Don't offer anything. You'll be up to your eyeballs in "emergencies".

With physical and sensory issues, you're not in a position to provide quality care. Add in you dislike kids, and you shouldn't be doing it any more.

@NotSoFunThis

You sound like the kind of lovely person who is taken advantage of.

She expects you to continue babysitting until you die?!?!

That person will simply have to find their own babysitter. Life sucks, sometimes right?!?!

If pressed you could add, ‘It’s true I used to enjoy it but now I get the urge to slap the little buggers.’

Youve been a mug unfortunately if free babysitting has become an expectation. You are retiring henceforth. Enough.

Cheeky mare!

She doesn't have god-given rights over YOUR time.

Prepare a "statement" for want of a better word, and practice saying it in your head, so it rolls off your tongue. Stress your health and it's getting too much for you now to do it regularly.

So your 'friend' feels ENTITLED to your free labour for her benefit? Wow!

It sounds to me as if your entirely reasonable decision to no longer be available for babysitting will sort out who is an actual friend and who is an entitled arse.

So she wants free childcare, and doesnt give a flying fudge if you like the activity! You should do it for her benefit.

She isnt a friend.