I usually spend Christmas with my parents, but this year my uncle invited us all to his house. It was meant to be just family, but I later found out that my aunt (uncle's partner) invited their ex son in law after we had already accepted. My cousin told me because she knows we don’t get on. I’m really close to my cousin, and he treated her horribly during their relationship, even getting physical. The one time I intervened (he was verbally abusing and shouting at her in front of their daughter while I was there) he got in my face and called me all sorts of names, including a fat cunt and slag. I haven’t talked to him since, and he’s never apologised.
Anyway, my cousin forgave him, and they’re on amicable terms for their daughter’s sake. My uncle and aunt are the same. Apparently, my aunt only invited him so the little one could have dinner with them as it’s his year to have her. I totally get it and told my parents I’d put on a happy face and be nice for everyone else’s sake. There will be enough people there that I could probably avoid talking to him anyway. But there’s definitely going to be an elephant in the room, and I’d rather not spend Christmas being “fake”, but it is what it is. My parents aren’t thrilled and think my aunt shouldn’t have invited him after inviting us, as it’s put us in an awkward situation. They feel it sends a message to him that he can treat our family however he likes and we’ll just be friendly regardless. I told them we can’t control who my aunt invites to her own home, but I understand their feelings too. They’re just looking out for me after all.
So, we’ve decided not to go, but we’re not sure how to tell them. Should we just be upfront about it? Are we being petty for not going? It’s a shame because we were really looking forward to it.