Today is my birthday…

[BlueOrange99]

I am a FTM to a 4w old DS, so didn’t expect to go partying or do much for this year anyway.

For context, I did the 5:30am feed, expressed and didn’t get to back to sleep until about 6:30am. I was hoping to have a birthday lie in, but was up at 9am again as DH didn’t set an alarm for his turn to do the feed.

I then asked DH for a bagel for breakfast, but that’s as eventful as my morning was. I also suggested we go for a walk, but again, it was me initiating. Nothing was done FOR me.

All now, I haven’t received any gifts, or a card, or any sentiments. Nothing. But he hasn’t forgotten, and did wish me a happy birthday as the clock struck 00:00.

I’m not usually one to expect things and certainly wasn’t expecting much this year. Maybe I am being hormonal, but I just feel there was no effort from DH to even make today feel at all special - my first birthday as a mummy! It would have been nice to have had SOMETHING. Literally a Cadbury’s chocolate bar and a card would have made me happy.

When I told him how I felt, he said he didn’t consider a card as he’s “not creative”, and that what he ordered for me hadn’t arrived in time. I had no knowledge that he ordered me something, and asked him why he didn’t mention it. He replied “because it wouldn’t have made it any better”. He is now moping about, saying he knows he’s ruined my birthday, as if I’m supposed to feel sorry for him.

What makes this worse is we are both gift givers, and pride ourselves in celebrating each other’s special days, so for him to do nothing is highly unusual. I know we have a 4w old, but is that an excuse?

AIBU to have wanted/expected a little more from DH on my birthday? Should I cut him some slack?

Yes - I have received messages and calls from friends and family, which I’m grateful for.

I am so sick of men like this. It's not hard to make an effort.

Just do the same for his birthday, order something to arrive late, say happy birthday after midnight the night before and nothing special on the day he can just do his usual day.

Then have a discussion on how it's going to be for both of you going forward.

If you make his first birthday as a dad super special then you are the fool. He will only understand how you feel if he gets the same treatment.

I would also discuss how you are both going to go about christmas, as it might be the same thing, you get all night garage flowers and he gets a heap of thoughtful pretty wrapped gifts.

Either way is fine, me and H barely acknowledge our birthdays, neither of us care, but the kids do so we get a present from the kids for the other one, have a takeaway and cake. Some we know have endless streams of meals out, cocktails, presents, oh the list is endless. So either way is ok. But uneven levels is the issue.

Did he actually order anything?

I just love the DARVO

How somehow youre at fault now for MAKING HIME FEEL BAD! How rotten off you, you must immediately do something to rectify this situation IMMEDIATELY!

manbaby with the emotional intelligence and self awareness of a slug.

This. I'd be hopping hopping mad.
You told him and he still didn't rush out and do anything.
Lazy selfish man.

Happy Birthday OP.

Get your phone out now and order yourself a lovely bunch of flowers... A nice takeaway and a birthday cake from where ever suits you.. Get all the deliveries coming in and enjoy them. Don't mention a word about it in advance either... just let the deliveries keep coming under his nose ... set up the candles.. blow them out and then cheerfully offer him a piece of cake, having paid for it on the joint card of course! Humming Bird Bakery do Very big birthday cakes.

You have a birthday , even if he isn't willing to give you one. Sulky git.

He’s not a great dad though, he forgot to set the alarm, so didn’t do the feed!! That’s a shit dad. BS did he order you a gift, and BS he’s an uncreative fuckwit (well fuckwit is true). And then he has the audacity to take the hump with you. On the plus side you now know what to expect for the rest of your marriage, so either accept he’s a belligerent orifice, or get those quackers 🦆 in a row and make an exit plan.
Many congratulations on your new baby, and happy birthday for yesterday .