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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do you know anyone with a p*rn addiction? What are they like? Did they ever kick the habit? AIBU to leave?

34 replies

NameChangeforMarriageQun · 03/11/2025 19:22

I am heartbroken by the thought but it's just gotten too much.

I never had a problem with p*rn before but
a) it's A LOT
b) he's tired all day the next day after a binge so less quality family time
c) I'm sure I get less affection as a result of the fatigue
d) he suppresses his sexuality with me because he doesn't want to get triggered but then still goes on the internet to get his kicks

Means I now view it as cheating. Whereas he views it as an illness he's trying to recover from and doesn't own that it could also be cheating the most he says as acknowledgment is "I suppose it can be seen that way".

I feel conflicted. He's in a 12 step programme and having therapy but every time he "loses his sobriety" I feel like it's another paper cut.

His "max sobriety" has been a month and it's been 1.5-2 years since he was in these recovery programmes, 5 years since the addiction started.

OP posts:
DickDewey · 03/11/2025 21:15

He sounds like a tw*t.

Fargo79 · 03/11/2025 21:15

DiscoBob · 03/11/2025 20:50

I've not heard of twelve steps for porn. Sounds like bullshit?

If it's spoiling his ability to have normal sex than it's not acceptable.

Though he has a right to masterbate in private to an extent.

The whole point of the thread is that it's gone way beyond "to an extent". Did you actually read what she wrote about the way he behaves?

NameChangeforMarriageQun · 03/11/2025 22:30

RebeccasPants · 03/11/2025 21:10

My DS was. Horribly. He overcame it a few years back. And has been clean since. He feels such shame and didn't like that it fully consumed him.

Good on him! How did he overcome it?

OP posts:
NameChangeforMarriageQun · 03/11/2025 22:32

CrystalSingerFan · 03/11/2025 21:14

As promised, here's a ChatGPT response to the OP. Terrifying:

🎵 “The Ballad of the Broadband Blues” (to the tune and tone of Lehrer’s “Smut”)

I do not mind erotica,
In moderate exotica,
A tasteful glimpse of hosiery
Can brighten up the day—
But he prefers variety,
In troubling sobriety,
He’s surfing like a sailor
Who has lost his moral way!

He’s clicking through the night again,
With tissues as his only friend,
While I’m in bed alone composing
Forums posts at three A.M.—
He claims it’s not adultery,
It’s “illness,” “neurochemistry,”
But pardon me, that’s splitting hairs
(And heaven knows he’s trimmed all them!)

He’s joined the twelve-step fellowship,
But still he takes his pixel trip,
And every “slip” means Netflix nights
And zero marital bliss—
For when his “sobriety” does fail,
Our romance goes completely stale,
And I get none of his attention—
He’s too busy cleaning… his browser history.

So AIBU to pack my bag?
To drop the mouse and wave the flag?
Perhaps not cruel, but commonsense,
When love’s been cached away—
For though he swears he’ll one day stop,
And keep his cursor from the top,
I think I’ll leave him to his laptop…
And log out while I may! 🎵

Good luck OP (from the human.)

Omg this is hilarious and brilliant and totally changed my mood 🤣
I love the finding hilarity in it

OP posts:
RebeccasPants · 03/11/2025 22:33

NameChangeforMarriageQun · 03/11/2025 22:30

Good on him! How did he overcome it?

He told he realised it wasn't okay to continue this way. He realised how deep he got into and just deleted it all and stopped watching

NameChangeforMarriageQun · 03/11/2025 22:33

Fargo79 · 03/11/2025 21:15

The whole point of the thread is that it's gone way beyond "to an extent". Did you actually read what she wrote about the way he behaves?

Exactly. Thank you.

OP posts:
NameChangeforMarriageQun · 03/11/2025 22:35

RebeccasPants · 03/11/2025 22:33

He told he realised it wasn't okay to continue this way. He realised how deep he got into and just deleted it all and stopped watching

Yes I keep telling my husband it's a choice he needs to make to get sober whereas apparently in the 12 step he's being taught people are helpless over their addiction so he doesn't feel like he's making a choice

OP posts:
CrystalSingerFan · 03/11/2025 22:51

NameChangeforMarriageQun · 03/11/2025 22:32

Omg this is hilarious and brilliant and totally changed my mood 🤣
I love the finding hilarity in it

😀

RebeccasPants · 03/11/2025 23:05

NameChangeforMarriageQun · 03/11/2025 22:35

Yes I keep telling my husband it's a choice he needs to make to get sober whereas apparently in the 12 step he's being taught people are helpless over their addiction so he doesn't feel like he's making a choice

DS feels deep shame that many secondary schools years were absorbed and obsessed over this. He's so happy to be past it now

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