I am heartbroken by the thought but it's just gotten too much.
I never had a problem with p*rn before but
a) it's A LOT
b) he's tired all day the next day after a binge so less quality family time
c) I'm sure I get less affection as a result of the fatigue
d) he suppresses his sexuality with me because he doesn't want to get triggered but then still goes on the internet to get his kicks
Means I now view it as cheating. Whereas he views it as an illness he's trying to recover from and doesn't own that it could also be cheating the most he says as acknowledgment is "I suppose it can be seen that way".
I feel conflicted. He's in a 12 step programme and having therapy but every time he "loses his sobriety" I feel like it's another paper cut.
His "max sobriety" has been a month and it's been 1.5-2 years since he was in these recovery programmes, 5 years since the addiction started.