To think “office culture” is just peer pressure with a payslip?

[QuietRebelNewt]

The after-work drinks, the “team bonding”, the forced birthdays - it’s all social compliance disguised as community. AIBU to think introverts and quiet workers after often penalised just for opting out?

It’s the “socialise outside of work” thing for me. I’m only entitled to the time of my employees that I’m paying for.

They’ve got kids to get back to, lives to lead, things to do. Expecting them to socialise at 7pm when they evidently don’t want to is just rude IMO. They can if they want, but if they don’t want to - I’m not owed their evenings.

I'm an extrovert ,a massively social person.
However, i have zero interest in socialising with work colleagues outside of work and forced fun in work time!

To be fair I didn’t socialise because I thought it would be good for my career,I had no idea about that
I was young free and single and happy to socialise ( free drink helped )
I do think some people don’t understand it can all help your career,and in some ( not all ) jobs/ companies just doing a good job is not enough

OP not returned then?

I think you're on the wrong website - try LinkedIn...

I’ve worked at some places where it was forced/imposed and some places where it was a pretty natural thing that found its own level. When it’s genuine it’s great.

Thankfully I work in for a very small company. We have a relaxed work lunch on last friday of every month. We're all quite introverted so we have a nice meal then go home for the day.

I think I’d rather drinks on teams than going to some place where the music is too loud to think never mind talk. Mind you doing a French exit might be more awkward.

Totally agree.

didn't socialise much when my kids were younger - frankly wanted to spend time with them rather than socialise with work colleagues.

I work somewhere where socialising is completely optional and no promotions are dependent on it. Now my kids are older I do try and go along for a little while but generally they are on a Friday night (and I totally understand why that's the best night for the majority) but I have commitments on Friday nights so leave at tea time.

i drive as I live a distance from my work and it's ideal as the drunkenness is only kicking off when I leave

Maybe for those who hate socialising with colleagues but in all my jobs I’ve enjoyed my friends there and loved all the socialising. Now I have my own business I do plan stuff but make it very clear that it’s totally up to them if they want to come. Most come but those that don’t do not get any grief for it, they also don’t get the free hospitality but that’s not what they want so all good

Depends where you work. We have a team member who does not attend most team events for religious reasons and nobody cares. We also have people who simply rarely socialise as they don’t want to and once again - nobody cares.

All our collection cards (typically for departures, marriages and parental leave) are online so easy not to sign if you don’t wish to.

Sounds like a very judgemental place to work, ironically. You might support none of those things or all of them - how are you supposed to prioritise which cause to devote your non working time to ? Sideways glances all round and virtue signalling in its true sense - all surface, no action.

'It’s the enforced ‘you’ve got to join a network’ thing that irritates me. I can’t just go to work and do my job. I’ve got to show allyship (horrid word!) with one of the employee networks'

I know exactly what you mean, and sod that quite frankly. Like you, I treat everyone decently but that's enough for me. I would consider joining our women's network but of course they allow men to join too! So not actually a women's network at all 🙄

Just ignore it if it’s not for you.

I do the bare minimum these days. Considering missing the Christmas party this year even though it’s fully paid for and somewhere really nice. I would rather have a fun evening with DP than spend even more time with work colleagues.

I loved work social events when I was young. I worked with fun and interesting and likeminded people, and the company would lay on drinks and snacks which were welcome as we were all skint. My best and closest and longest friendships came from 2 workplaces in my 20s and 30s.

I don’t work in an office anymore but I doubt I could be fucked with work social stuff in my 40s. Does anyone really want a bunch of tired middle aged people there anyway? I’ve always assumed work socials were an optional perk for the young, energetic and likely single, and nobody actually cares if you don’t go.

I think a lot of MN introverts tend to take things very literally and personally, and feel coerced into ‘social compliance’ when someone asks if they’re going to something, or says, ‘hope to see you there!’

But it’s just a platitude and nobody gives a toss. Plus nobody actually wants you there if you’re just going to sit in a corner with a face like a slapped arse feeling anxious and resentful.

Different offices (and roles) have different cultures. Some are absolute torture for an introvert or homebod. I’ve worked somewhere where client schmoozing was expected a few times a month at a minimum. Hated it. Some are a bit better. My current company is better but still expect you to show your face at the Christmas do.
Thankfully having small children has given me excuses to miss them or go home early.

Couldn’t go back to all now. I do also think a lot has changed since Covid. With more people working remotely a lot of the drinking/socialising culture has gone- sometimes for the better, sometimes the worse.

Not all work places. I’m an introvert, I hate all the socialising I find it draining. I happily turn down the invitations and people know that’s just how I am. I still have a great relationship with my colleagues.

I will make an effort to attend charity events if I can and anything arranged as a thank you/well done as a manager I feel it’s important to reinforce the message of thanks and support the giving back to my time. Otherwise my perfect night is being home with my daughter and my dog!