To be triggered by DS sometimes

[romawater]

Feels so mean typing that. He’s four, nearly five.

He is lovely but definitely ‘in your face’ and especially in mine. Things that are an example … putting cream on him tonight (he has eczema) and he’s shoving his face into mine, tries to lick me ( 🤢) grabs my hair.

He also does it to his sister (she is 2) he’s stopped doing anything majorly inappropriate but always seems to be grabbing her, touching her, patting her belly or whatever.

Apart from being so irritating it also means I feel repulsed sometimes and end up recoiling.

Not a part of motherhood I expected. Is it just me? And how do you deal with it?

It's not just you, it's sometimes referred to as being touched out. I just gently redirect my DS and say I don't like people touching my hair or face, if I'm having a cup of tea I can use that as my reason for not having a cuddle but tell him I will have one later.
Not many people like someone in their face, there's nothing wrong with teaching him about personal space. Let him know he should take a step back and only come close when you both agree to a cuddle. It will benefit him in the long run, children at school will also get anoyed with him if he hasn't learnt about personal space.

Good grief @OP. He's so young. He is trying to get physically close to you, he probably senses/sees you recoiling and so tries even harder. Why do you feel repulsed by him? he is your ds. He's not doing anything wrong. As for his sister, small dc like playing with baby siblings, you need to teach him the appropriate way to play with her. Nothing wrong with patting her belly at all. There must be more to this? the way you are feeling is not normal.

Do you have trauma related to touch?

Totally normal to feel overstimulated/touched out! His behaviour also sounds really normal for this age, could be a combination of sensory seeking and looking for connection.
Totally fine to set some boundaries around personal space/touch and healthy to model this to him. Make sure to give lots of physical touch/connection and sensory input at other times.

Thanks. I don’t have any trauma I’m aware of … I just really hate it when he shoves his face into mine or grabs / snatches at me. He can be really rough sometimes. Problem is sometimes the more you try to redirect him the more wound up and silly he gets.

YAB a bit U to refer to it as "triggered" because that implies you have some extra special reason not to like people being in your face but YANBU to find it all a bit much at times. As others have said, take a break from it, give him something else to do/hand him off to dad etc.

I don't think that's normal behavior for an almost 5 year old. It wouldn't be acceptable for him to do that to anyone else so shouldn't be OK with you. If he doesn't do it at school then you know he can control it. It's probably his misguided way of showing affection or getting attention. It sounds sensory seeking to me. Look it up if you haven't already, the good news is there is lots of information out there and lots you can do to help him. It's ok to tell him you don't like it and it makes you uncomfortable. He is old enough to understand and respect personal space. One analogy I've used is the concept of 'bursting my bubble', we all have an imaginary bubble around us and when someone bursts it it can make us feel sad or angry. He is making you sad by bursting your bubble etc.

It was the use of the word triggered and that you are disgusted by your child. Oopsie.

Please don't say you are triggered unless you have ptsd. It is a very specific thing to experience and isn't at all the same as being irritated, however seriously, by one of your kids.

If you have no trauma , why are you triggered?

Your just ‘touched out’ I think.

My emotions are triggered. I’m not really sure what else I should have put, to be honest. Generally speaking I don’t really like my language being policed. It makes me uneasy, uncomfortable, it triggers those sorts of emotions in me.

@Dontlletmedownbruce i have but he does tend to get even more worked up and daft then. It is frustrating.

Its perfectly okay to love your child, and want to show your child physical affection and receive physical affection from them, and also get exhausted by being touched all the time, no matter who it is. Posters on this thread need to remember we all have different thresholds.

Also 'triggered' is used widely in mental health treatment and discussions by professionals, not just in PTSD, so im not sure why posters are saying its unacceptable to say - can anyone advise as Googling isnt saying any different.

Triggered referrs specifically to ptsd in the same sense as a child's tantrum is not the same thing as an autistic meltdown. It's not policing language to point out when someone is misusing a term and it's actually quite offensive to those who do suffer ptsd when people claim that trivial annoyances are 'triggering.' They aren't.

If you had experienced being triggered, you would understand. Its like the worst panic attack you can have. It feels like it's happening all over again. Like you're back in that moment that it happened and the fear is literally choking you. An annoying child getting in your face is not triggering your non existent trauma. He's just irritating you.

Being triggered specifically refers to having flashbacks of previous trauma which are triggered by being exposed to something which brings those feelings and emotions back. It is horrific and leads to panic attacks and is a really severe health condition/disability. Using it to refer to other things really minimises the severity of ptsd for people who suffer with it and means that when we actually need to use the word 'triggered' to explain why we can't access things, people don't understand how serious the problem is.

Use it if you want but it really does have an impact on other people myself included.

Agree with previous posters, it sounds like he is a sensory seeker. I have a child who exhibits sensory seeking behaviour, I only learned about the term when he started school, but it explains a lot of his behaviours. I have never felt repulsed by him, though I do agree that getting in your face is annoying. My child used to do this but he has started to learn about personal boundaries and has stopped this, but he still sensory seeks in other ways.

Look up sensory seeking behaviour, there are things you can try /buy that may help him to regulate.

Kind of in the opposite direction, if you have a child who can be aggressive, I've been told "oh do you find his behaviour triggering?" No I bloody don't it's just horrible to be hit! I'm not a special snowflake or have any PTSD related to people shouting and my child shouted at me. It just hurts and everyone is entitled not to want to be hit.

I would wrestle him down onto the bed a bash him over the head with the pillow a few times. Sounds like he is just craving some rough and tumble. Does he have an outlet for this? School is far too kind hands, no running, indoor voices, etc etc for it to happen there.