Need a reset

[Aibusadandhormonal]

The kids (9&6) don't listen. I've realised I've started shouting way too much and now so have they. I just want a way to reset us all to be a family team but I'm so exasperated with their behaviour (not horrendous but just suddenly really inconsiderate of us and of each other and they just don't listen. Or what they want takes priority every single time) that I ask patiently 12 times before roaring at them. I have taken away toys and playdates and it doesn't seem to make a difference. I've been in tears and that makes them stop to apologise but then carry on ignoring me. I don't know why but it wasn't like this 6 months ago...

They're old enough for a sit down conversation so call them to the table and make sure there's nothing to distract them (no tv, nothing to fiddle with). Tell them their behaviour is out of control, tell them that you're shouting and you don't want to shout, ask them why they think their behaviour is a bit crazy and if they want there to be less shouting.

Think of something you can all do as a treat, a big thing like a trip to a special park or activity or event that's about 2 weeks away. Then tell them in the next 2 weeks things are going to change or you won't be going. Give them each 2 targets to reach so one needs to use their manners more and the other needs to raise their voice less for example. Give yourself 2 targets too, shouting less and walking away if you're too 'upset', then coming back to talk when you're calmer maybe. Then do a nice activity together like make a milkshake or have some ice cream and see how it goes. It's hard but you need something to really shake you all up and start again

Thanks. I've tried that conversation but less formally so maybe we need that sit down together and all agree. The 6 year old is very young for her age so its tricky. She might need a star chart but I like the idea. Thanks