Apologies - this is an extremely first-world problem, and will be long as the background is relevant. Looking for opinions as I have a slightly difficult relationship with my dad since he left my mum when I was 18, and I don't want to put my foot in it/ make things worse as I'd say we're now ok, just not very close. As in we speak every few weeks on the phone and see him a few times a year. I love him but distantly, and don't have much trust in how much he actually cares about me, though I am sure he thinks he does.
For context, he is very wealthy. Not in the private jets league but owns several houses worth at least £1m, and I think could relatively easily put his hands on several hundred thousand pounds at any given time with fairly short notice.
I have never asked him for any money but he has given me some over the years. He supported me financially through my undergraduate degree (because he had to - my mother got it written into their divorce agreement), bought me a car, and gifted DH and I £10000 towards a deposit for our first flat. When his father died he also passed his amount of the inheritance directly down to my brother and I, as he said he didn't need it, which was around another £10000. I also think he's put some money away in savings accounts for my DC, though I have no idea how much. I'm aware all this amounts to a substantial amount of financial help and is a lot more than most people get, but would also like it to be clear that it was very easy for him to do - not quite 'small change' but certainly non-significant amounts for him.
Last year he told me (apropos of nothing - I would never have asked!) that he and his wife have wills set up so that their estate would be divided equally between me and my brother and his wife's two sons in the event of their deaths. I didn't fully follow all the ins and outs, but I think it's set up so that if one of them dies first, the surviving spouse keeps half the estate and the other half is divided four ways, with the remaining half divided four ways upon the surviving spouse's death. Tbh this was a bit of a surprise as I'd always expected that the whole estate would go to his wife when he died (assume he will predecease her as he's a good decade or so older), and then in all likelihood would all go to her children.
Now, the crux of the issue is this: I cannot get life insurance. Or rather I can but I cannot afford it. Even insurance which excludes my several pre-existing conditions, which frankly are the things most likely to kill me prematurely, is extortionate, thanks to said conditions. I have no plans to pop my clogs imminently, but it is something I do worry about, as we have 3 DC, two with additional needs that mean DH absolutely couldn't continue to work full time if I died. And frankly even if he did he would really struggle to afford everything on his salary alone.
So - WIBU to ask my Dad that if I predecease him, he pays off the mortgage for DH? Or, failing that, helps him to continue to pay it? I am fairly sure he could do either pretty easily, without impacting his or his DW's lifestyle in any way. And he should then obviously count it out of my 'share' of the eventual estate. I assume he's arranged it so that my share would go to my DC if I predecease him, but frankly I feel like a roof over their heads and a Dad able to be with them more would be of greater benefit to them than money in a trust fund. And even if he hasn't, and my 'share' would just go back into the estate to be eventually divided between my brother and stepbrothers, I still don't think it's an unreasonable ask, and would leave a lot of extra still floating around for them.
So, is this unreasonable? I don't want to sound greedy or like I'm after his money, but it does seem like a way I could get this nagging worry about how DH would manage if I died out of my head!! For the record I would never even have considered it if he hadn't told me how their wills are set up!