To ask for your tips on how to be a good conversationalist

[redskydelight]

Inspired by another thread where people are talking about family members who are doing some or all of the following:
-not talking at all
-firing off a stream of questions and not listening to the answers
-talking non-stop without allowing anyone else to get a word in
-constantly talking about the same dull conversation topic on repeat
-not even engaging in social niceties such as saying hello and goodbye and asking how someone is

I wonder what the art of making good conversation is? Clearly many people have never learnt it, but it's a frustration to others.

I was brought up in a family where no one really talks, so I've had to learn things that are obvious to others like asking people about themselves (which is in itself a mine field as you need to be interested but not intrusive).

If you find conversation easy or know someone who does, what are your top tips?

Hi, how are you? Often a good way to start a conversation

There is a book called How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes which is useful for this. Some of the tips are a bit OTT but I just used the ones I felt comfortable with.

My top tip is: if I’m meeting up with someone I write down a list of 5 or so things I want to talk about, in case there are lulls in the conversation. It could be something in the news, asking them if they’ve seen a recent film or sport, absolutely anything that would give us something to talk about and is appropriate for them. I like this because it takes the pressure off and makes me feel more confident going in.

My mother used to say that we have 2 ears and 1 mouth for a reason - we should listen twice as much as talking.

People love to talk about themselves. I often leave a taxi knowing all about the driver's life, down to the number and ages and kids and what they are worried about today.

I think the key is a) genuine interest in other people and b) listening.

People often listen to respond rather than listen to understand - they're thinking about what they're going to say next instead of listening to the person speaking. I think if you concentrate on what the person is saying and properly listen you often have a better conversation.

Asking open questions is good, rather than questions with a yes or no answer. And take it from there. So asking people where they're from or where they grew up, asking if they have kids, how their day has been so far etc generally starts a good conversation. I once had a complete stranger in the queue at the supermarket tell me about how her husband had gone off with her best friend because we started talking about marriage in response to something the woman behind the till said. Woman behind the till confessed that she was sleeping with her ex husband, who was with someone else. It was very interesting!

I find a specific question followed by open questions works quite well. So ‘Where are you going/did you go on holiday this year?’, opens up a whole conversation about did they like it, would they recommend it, what did they do there, what was the food like. Then on to ‘Was that your best ever holiday?’ Where would you love to visit?’
But not an interview! You have to share a little about yourself too.
But I agree with pp, people love to be listened to.