To feel guilty about treating myself to expensive items

[166lady]

I’m a 29 yr old mum of 20 month twin boys.
I am currently a SAHM but luckily and through hard work before I had the twins, I saved up a lot and have a good base saving (£45-50k).

I am starting work again part time and through the last 2 years I have gone through many low points with post partum motherhood and twin stress!

I always try to buy cheaper versions of everything (beauty/ clothing/ shoes etc) but there’s a few good quality items I want for clothing and beauty that are expensive for me (e.g. single clothing pieces around £100) but I feel so guilty and bad to buy them as I’ve always been brought up in a frugal mindset.

Am I being unreasonable feeling so guilty or should I be willing to treat myself?

I think it comes down to your budget, projectes expenditure etc. It's human nature to want to treat ourselves now and then. So just think about what you can afford

You have nothing to feel guilty about OP. You’ve worked hard and deserve to treat yourself every now and again. Don’t bring your boys up to think you don’t deserve nice things.

And besides, good quality clothing and makeup lasts a lot longer and makes you feel good when using them. Being frugal is good but you only live once!

I think if the more expensive items of clothing are items which are timeless and won't look dated in a short time then actually they are an investment. Only if you forsee that you will only want to wear them for a few months and would I regard then as an extravance.

I would regard routinely spending money on expensive beauty items rather a waste as I think some of the cheaper beauty items are probably just as good as the overpriced ones. But buying the occasional more expensive item as a treat seems reasonable.

I think it's important to do things to make yourself feel good. And so long as you have enough money to do this without leaving the family budget short then thats fine.

I think it depends.

Can your family easily afford them, or are you having to cut back somewhere else in the budget?

Are you spending more for quality? For example I spent £160 on a winter coat 10 years ago which, at the time, was a huge amount of money for me, but the coat is still going strong and may well last another 10 years, so it was a good buy. Spending that much on a coat that would last me one winter I'd consider wasteful.

It depends on your long term plan. You have good savings, so it sounds to me like you can afford it.
Saying that, I am the same as you and have decided to go with it. I had a period of living in poverty, and I have never snapped out of my frugal habits, but I always wear clean and tidy clothes, my house is always warm and I feed my family well. I don't think I'll ever feel comfortable spending a lot on clothes or beauty items, it's just not me, and that's fine too.

In the long term it’s more cost effective to invest in better quality long term use items than cheap ones.
also well done on the saving that’s very inspiring.

If it makes you feel better I'd probably ask family etc for them at Christmas.

Have you got a partner or generous parents ? I’d get the item for Christmas also / I tend not to buy anything but for Christmas I feel I can have the nicer version

YABU to feel guilty. Everyone deserves their own treats and there's no reason not to buy them as long as you can afford them. And, as others have said, it's often cheaper in the long run to buy nicer/better quality if it lasts longer as long as you're not spending extra for the sake of it, because often, cheaper items are also perfectly decent (more expensive face cream etc often isn't objectively any better than much cheaper alternatives).

If you review your household budget (not sure if you're a single parent or have a partner) but in any case, look at all money coming in, pay for essentials and savings for annual and irregular joint costs and an emergency fund. Make sure your pension is on track, considering your part time working you may choose to pay in extra over the standard contribution for your salary.

Any money leftover can be used for personal spending money for you and your partner if you have one and available to be spent, guilt free on personal items that you want or need.

Good quality clothes will usually last quite a bit longer than cheapies. So as long as you aren’t the sort of person who always has to have the latest fashion, it can often make sense to buy ‘good’ things.

Give yourself a break, and just buy it. Life is too short.