I moved for work and met a man and we started dating. 9 months later I found out I was pregnant. We had already discussed getting married and starting a family soon and had met each others families. Looking back, there were a few red flags which I questioned - such as him not having much disposable income despite both of us having a great job (I once paid for several of his parking tickets and paid more than my share of a holiday). He explained that he had some debt due to a mortgage on his country house but as soon as that was dealt with, he’d be in a much better position. I really had no problem paying half on everything as I also had a good job. Things were okay once we found out and he said he wanted to go ahead with it (after the initial shock which lasted a day). We were quite happy and spent time together the first three months during which we kept it to ourselves. Once his parents found out, things started to go wrong.
firstly, when we went to give notice of our intention to get married, he informed me 5 minutes before our appointment that he had been married before. Something that he had hid from me - he had bought a house with her and despite me asking several times, didn’t say they were married but just in a long term relationship. They had divorced after just 6 months.
then, he informed me that he wanted a prenup. I wasn’t happy with this but my father said I should agree if it was reasonable. He took the next 3.5 months to provide a draft which meant things couldn’t proceed. In this time I told him my concern was that I wouldn’t have or be able to afford a place if we separated and therefore the prenup should make arrangements for housing for me and the baby should we separate - solely because I would be stuck in his country if we separated. He owns about 3/4 properties - all highly mortgaged though. He wasn’t happy about this and said a few times I just wanted “free housing”.
then his father told me I couldn’t move into any of his houses (as planned) due to the risk of it becoming a matrimonial asset. And we should jointly purchase another house or rent. I have a good job but didn’t save enough for a mortgage and didn’t want one. I had no issue renting but the way it was all said made me not want to. I should add I would be on maternity leave and paid half and in any event, he earned 4 times what I did.
he then produced the prenup which was awful - it basically excluded every dime whether from the past or future, all salary, property. Everything. With no time limit. I refused to sign it.
I then left the country to give birth and now live with my parents. He and his family now want us back but I don’t wish to go back. They have apologised for everything and come to visit few times. He no longer wants a prenup or anything and wants to get married “without any conditions”. I don’t trust him to have my interests at heart. But this all means I will raise my child alone, lose my job and have to settle somewhere else find a job and live life without him. My child will not have a father.
overall I think this is the only option for me really. How can I go back now after everything. Will my son understand when he grows up?