Am I wrong to feel hurt?

[Min75]

I am a single parent with one child who is a teenager. We go on short breaks alone, with my mum or with a cousin. My brother has a child three years younger than my son and they go on lots of holidays with his wife's family including his wife's young nephews. They never invite us, in the sense that they never ask if myself and my son would like to come to any of their holidays or trips. I feel quite hurt about it because we can feel quite isolated and excluded from the group. There has never been a dispute or fall out of any sort, so there isn't really a reason why they would exclude us. Apart from this excluding, we are otherwise on good terms and I have even expressed to my brother in the past that it would be nice if we could do something together as a group, but he doesn't really pass any comment and just changes the subject. Maybe it has something to do with wealth, as they are quite well off as a family and we are not so well off. Am I being unreasonable? I wish I could just put it out of my mind, but it continues to bother me, particularly since my son has also noticed that they never ask us if we want to come. How shall I handle my feelings and deal with this?

It’s probably just that his wife organises the trips with her family, presumably she’s close to them?

I go away sometimes with my family (my DH comes as well) and it wouldn’t occur to me to invite my DH’s brother. It would be a strange dynamic as although he knows my family he only sees them occasionally.

Oh this is a bit hurtful. I imagine the holidays are organized by his wife and are about fostering relationships with her own blood family. Your brother probably doesn't get a say in these arrangements so just changes the subject when you bring it up. She is unlikely to change, so you just have to see it as her being a bit insular and selfish about these things and look elsewhere for your social network. Would they come if you invited them to something like Sunday lunch along with your Mum? At least that way your son gets to spend time with his cousin.

Agree with this.

I get on well with my in-laws and enjoy spending time with them. However if I'm arranging a holiday or break I always invite my family not my husbands. I've been honest about that to my in-laws and said we would love to go away with them but they need to either invite us or prod my husband to. They now do that and we've just had a lovely break with them all.

Be proactive and honest with your brother, rather than being silently offended speak up and give him a chance to adjust.

Do you invite your brother and his wife's family when you go away?

As another poster mentioned do you organise and invite them along? why should it only work one way?

How well do you get on with your SIL and her family? It's not that usual for a sibling to go on holiday with them and their inlaws - if that is what you meant and how you post sounds (to me). Is that the 'group' you mean? Maybe sound him out on going for a break with you and just them - not the group and not just hinting.

TBH in our family we've had lots of family holidays with parents and/or siblings but no-one has ever gone on holiday with a sibling plus their sibling's inlaws.

Edited to add: good point @slashlover and @PollyBell

Invitations work both ways. Have you invited them to holiday with you?

Some people have asked if I invite them. The answer is that yes, I do often invite them to places. For example, there used to be an annual fireworks display at my son's school and I always invited them to that and they would join us. I invite them to day trips and not only that, one Summer, I suggested we plan a short break together, but they went ahead and made their own plans with his wife's family. So, I have tried, but now just given up on it. Still find it quite upsetting. We all have our own lives and do our own thing, but still feels hurtful to exclude one side of the family and this has been the case for 13 years.

Do you get on with his wife? It sounds like she organises everything and he just goes along with her plans so she's the one to befriend if you want to be included or invited to stuff

I do get along with his wife. There isn't any dispute or rift between us. I just think they prefer the company of her family and her siblings etc.

Would you be able to afford the holiday?
does your dsis/ her family pay etc

i wouldn’t feel hurt, I would assume dsis just naturally wants to spend more time with her family 🤷‍♀️