Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Where can I point her for help ?

2 replies

grumpygrape · 02/11/2025 20:57

Lost track of how many times I’ve written this. It could be a three volume novel but there’s too much ‘froth’ and I only have one side of the story. However, I want to support someone by pointing her towards people/organisations where she can get help.

She moved in with her partner about 13 years ago, both working, but living with his mother.

Move on to now, he has ‘left’ her and their two children, daughter 10 and son 7 (son has some extra needs). The thing is, she and the children are still living in his mother’s house and she is almost full-time carer for mother who now has many health issues, and, of course, is looking after the children and house. She doesn’t work and would probably struggle to find work to fit round the needs of the children and his mother.

He is paying her some money which they have worked out using the CMS calculator, but he drops in as and when he likes and takes the children when he likes (day time shift worker) and of course, his mother is happy to see him, as are the children…. Who doesn’t like Mc D, cinema, toys, pets ?

I am concerned she has no formal stability of accommodation, apart from anything else, because if anything happened to mother the house would be his outright. He also seems more interested in taking their daughter out and about, not the son who needs more support. He also seems to have been discussing money with his daughter who has asked her mother if she’s going to get a full time job so he didn’t need to give her so much money and could have more money for himself and them.

Where can I point her to get help ? Women’s Aid doesn’t seem appropriate, and she will struggle with anyone as formal as a solicitor unless she has other support. I want to help but haven’t the capacity to ‘take her on’, as I have my own issues to deal with.

OP posts:
Silverbirchleaf · 02/11/2025 21:02

Are there any benefits she can claim?

She shouldn’t be afraid or ashamed to ask for help from a woman’s Aid, Shelter etc. Also the council housing department.

She should contact adult social services for help with his mother.

grumpygrape · 02/11/2025 21:19

Silverbirchleaf · 02/11/2025 21:02

Are there any benefits she can claim?

She shouldn’t be afraid or ashamed to ask for help from a woman’s Aid, Shelter etc. Also the council housing department.

She should contact adult social services for help with his mother.

Thanks, I wasn’t sure about Women’s Aid but I guess they can only say No and signpost her.

I’m pretty sure she gets a Carer’s benefit even if only for the NI Conts and I think she’s applied for UC. I don't want to get too embroiled in the money side or I'll get sucked in with helping with claim forms etc.

My hard baked self wants to suggest she gets out and finds somewhere to live on her own with the children and blow him and his mother but I realise there’s a lot of emotion there. She’s also invested a lot of time in the house and it’s hers and the children’s home so the idea of moving would be monumental.

I can’t take her under my wing as a ‘project’, but I will take the suggestions from here and try and get her to approach organisations which can help her, even if it’s only to give her ideas if things get worse.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread