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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think she’s cheating?

14 replies

AnxiousAF · 02/11/2025 20:55

Rough patch last year. She cheated after a night out and went to her ex boyfriend’s, had unprotected sex with him. Said she regretted it, confessed after 48 hours. Did 3-4 sessions of counselling, morning after pill. STI test etc.

Almost a year later. Not much intimacy in the last few months. Lots of talking, she’s feeling down and doesn’t want to be intimate which is ok, we all have periods of life when it’s not the main thing on our minds.

Recently she’s been coming home with bruises on her inner thighs. Could be work related as she’s started a physical job, but there was some before this job started which I asked about but was told she bruises easily and she probably walked into something. I accepted this but this week there was another in a similar place. Then tonight her son said I know mummy’s secret, it’s a secret boyfriend. Then laughed and said it’s my daddy (separated 5 years and living 50 miles plus away).

Im paranoid, I know this. She did apologise for cheating and we separated for a hole and I came back, but I don’t think I’m over it. I didn’t get the heartfelt apology I wanted and she’s laughed at me for crying about it after probably 3-4 months. She’s apologised on message and a couple of times face to face but I’m having a very hard time getting over it. Maybe I’m just paranoid, but a lot of things are leaning to me thinking she’s cheating again. She works and has a kid under 10 so not sure when she would find the time but I can’t help but thinking it.

OP posts:
JazzyM96 · 02/11/2025 21:01

L

WhatAKnob47 · 02/11/2025 21:01

You don't trust her. You need to
end the relationship. She's betrayed your trust. She's belittled you. She sounds nasty. I don't know why you would stay.

HedwigEliza · 02/11/2025 21:22

You sound miserable and the trust has gone. We’re only on this earth once, and our time here is short, so don’t waste any more of your precious time trying to make this work. You can’t do it by yourself, and she’s obviously unrepentant and unwilling to put any effort into the relationship, so draw a line under it now and move on. Be happy. You deserve better than this and need to go out there and find it. Don't accept this as your lot in life. You don’t need to settle for it.

Tagyoureit · 02/11/2025 21:22

Leave, life is too short for this kind of shit

FuzzyWolf · 02/11/2025 21:33

I also think this relationship is over. I bruise easily and my inner thighs only ever bruise during rough sex.

Bearsmumma · 02/11/2025 21:54

Why would her son say that to you? Maybe there is some truth in it.

JudgeBread · 02/11/2025 21:58

I'd love to know what sort of physical job would leave bruises exclusively on the inner thigh. Is she a professional jockey?

To be honest whether she's cheating or not she sounds horrible and you don't trust her. A couple of counselling sessions isn't enough to recover from cheating, it can take years and a lot of work on the cheaters part - which it doesn't sound like she's done.

What's keeping you with her?

FullOfMomsense · 02/11/2025 22:58

She's either cheating, or she's not and she just doesn't give you any reason to trust her. Get out of this, life's too short to be with someone miserable who has no respect for you

Terrytheweasel · 02/11/2025 23:06

I don’t like the sound of her. I think you should move on - this isn’t healthy and you can do better.

RoamingToaster · 03/11/2025 20:03

Agree with others that you should leave.

DiscoBob · 03/11/2025 20:05

If you don't trust her you need to spilt as the relationship has no hope of being healthy.

CrystalSingerFan · 03/11/2025 20:39

@JudgeBread "I'd love to know what sort of physical job would leave bruises exclusively on the inner thigh. Is she a professional jockey?"

Or a polo player? I'll ask my polo-playing niece.

Or a usability tester of particularly badly designed Ann Summers prototypes?

Gilgogirl · 03/11/2025 20:49

AnxiousAF · 02/11/2025 20:55

Rough patch last year. She cheated after a night out and went to her ex boyfriend’s, had unprotected sex with him. Said she regretted it, confessed after 48 hours. Did 3-4 sessions of counselling, morning after pill. STI test etc.

Almost a year later. Not much intimacy in the last few months. Lots of talking, she’s feeling down and doesn’t want to be intimate which is ok, we all have periods of life when it’s not the main thing on our minds.

Recently she’s been coming home with bruises on her inner thighs. Could be work related as she’s started a physical job, but there was some before this job started which I asked about but was told she bruises easily and she probably walked into something. I accepted this but this week there was another in a similar place. Then tonight her son said I know mummy’s secret, it’s a secret boyfriend. Then laughed and said it’s my daddy (separated 5 years and living 50 miles plus away).

Im paranoid, I know this. She did apologise for cheating and we separated for a hole and I came back, but I don’t think I’m over it. I didn’t get the heartfelt apology I wanted and she’s laughed at me for crying about it after probably 3-4 months. She’s apologised on message and a couple of times face to face but I’m having a very hard time getting over it. Maybe I’m just paranoid, but a lot of things are leaning to me thinking she’s cheating again. She works and has a kid under 10 so not sure when she would find the time but I can’t help but thinking it.

Once a cheat, always a cheat. This is the truest statement ever. People who cheat have no morals or integrity. If your for forever loyalty from her, it’s not happening.

Gilgogirl · 03/11/2025 20:51

Gilgogirl · 03/11/2025 20:49

Once a cheat, always a cheat. This is the truest statement ever. People who cheat have no morals or integrity. If your for forever loyalty from her, it’s not happening.

Looking for loyalty, I mean

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