Another money owing one & vanishing man

[Tink3rbell30]

Scenario: In a relationship with someone for over a year. Known him since high school, fully trusted him. One day out of the blue he vanishes and doesn't respond. Around 12 weeks later after no responses and a lot of worry, bits of info start appearing that he's moved into another woman's house. It turns out to be true (2 streets away!). To this day he has never actually admitted it or apologised. He also owes money (£900). I have never bumped into him to have it out with him, he deleted all social media, changed his number and the one person who has seen him that knows us both he couldn't get away quick enough.

I've told 8 family members/friends, 7 told tell me not to drop it, 1 has said to drop it. WWYD? I don't want to drop it personally but at a brick wall of how to sort it.

AIBU = You'd let it all go
AIBU = You wouldn't let it go and would keep trying to find a way to get your money back, call him out or both (how?)

I'd pursue him through the Small Claims Court.

I would be minded to say he’s not worth the mental space if it wasn’t for you being owed the money. I’d go round there if you know where he is or at least pop a letter through requesting the money back. Consider small claims if he doesn’t pay up.

What a fucking bastard. You will bump into him when you can ask him for the money (publicity).
Honestly I think you have no chance of getting the money back, I've been in your position b4. Now I don't lend money to romantic partners.
You had a lucky escape.

Drop a letter through the door giving him 14 days to pay up and say you’ll then be going to Small Claims Court if the money is not received.

Keep it factual and don’t add in anything else.

My ex owes me 4k but I know even if I got a judgement via small claims he still wouldn't pay so I've had to write it off - gutting as its a huge amount of money for me.

But equally I'm so much happier without him and his bullshit so I try to reframe it as a win 🏆

Just send a "Letter Before Action" with proof of postage to his new address giving him 28 days to repay the £900 he owes, otherwise you will take him to court for the money.

Don't say anything else in the letter. Just demand the money.

If he doesn't repay it in 28 days then take him to the small claims court.

Thank you all. I saw small claims court being mentioned after a quick Google but don't know too much about it or if he could get away with still not paying me back. I haven't seen her anywhere either or I'd politely tell her about it and to pass the message onto him. She doesn't know who I am even though he was clearly seeing her at the same time. Such a shit situation!

Are you in the north west by any chance?

900 is a lot of money. I'd apply to the small claims court, even if I knew that he didn't have it to pay back.

Sounds like your draft for a crap work of fiction

He is a snake, never lend money again. I don't think you can force him to give it back.

No I'm in the south! He definitely has the money as he has a good job. My friend said that to me that it's like something out of a crappy book! 😂 wish it was. It's pathetic really but glad I posted here.

It's really easy to go through the small claims court. I did it once and the person settled before going to court as they knew they didn't have a leg to stand on.

Do you have evidence you lent him the money? If you do, I'd definitely go through the court.

So what possessed you to lend him £900 if he was so financially sorted?

He wasn't at that time and I earned more and had more savings. Now he earns more and has the cheek to do this! I've never lent anyone money ever apart from him as I stupidly fully trusted him.

And yes I have evidence in messages about the money, what it was for, how much, when he said he'd pay it back etc.

How long ago did the relationship end?

If you have evidence then take him to a small claims court. You will win. They will give you various options to get money back one is he pays in installments.

He did his disappearing act around 9 months ago. Probably thinks he's got away with it as his game of hide and seek is going well. I'm looking into small claims court now as it seems I do have a chance of getting it back that way.

So 9months ago he ghosted you.

Have you done anything to get the £900 back? Surely you knew where he lived and popped around when he suddenly terminated contact?

Small claims court.

Look online. Plenty of guidance available. You write him a formal Letter before Action setting out your claim and inviting him to settle it. Plenty of templates available online. You can write to him at his home address, cc email and his work (& work email) addresses so that he can't claim he never received it. Any physical post, send recorded delivery so you have proof. Keep all email records and copies of all correspondence.

If he doesn't pay up within the time specified in your letter before action (usually 28 days), you issue the debt claim at court. It's a service called Money claim online (MCOL). Court fee will be minimal for a £900 debt.

It's a pretty simple process that non-lawyers can use fairly easily with just a bit of research. Don't feel intimidated, and don't let him off the hook. Lots of people will cave shortly after you formally issue proceedings, so don't be afraid to do so.

And make sure you claim interest on the debt, and your costs, in any letters/the statement of claim.

Yes multiple times, nobody has answered the door. I thought I would have bumped into him too but I haven't.

Thank you for this! Really helpful, this is what I'll be doing now I know it's an option worth trying.

Overdone cabbage overdoing it again

@Antigny86 doing their usual. Contributing… zilch