Snapped at husband on Halloween

[makaila58]

This past Halloween, I was sick with a cold. I was feeling really miserable, so I asked my husband to carve the kids' pumpkins as I really just didn't want to do it. He's not usually involved in holiday activities the way I am, but he happily agreed. I started setting up things outside, came in, and my husband was washing and drying pumpkin seeds. My son was sitting there patiently, but he was waiting for my husband to carve the pumpkin for him. I had told my husband I wanted to go trick or treating sooner than later, and it was nearing 6 pm. When I saw that he wasn't doing the one thing I asked of him, I got really irritated and started carving the pumpkin myself. He tried to calm me down and told me he would get to it, but this is not the first time this has happened where I stated what needed to be done, and he ended up doing some other non-vital task. It's like he loses any perception of time when the weekend comes. I know he doesn't have ADHD, but sometimes he really acts like it. He has no issues completing tasks at work, but when he's at home, he takes forever to do a single thing I ask of him. I may have jumped the gun by reacting to the pumpkin not being carved, but I was so tired. We haven't spoken affectionately in a couple of days as I am still sick, and I don't feel like I owe him an apology. I feel like he doesn't listen to me when I tell him EXACTLY what it is I want or need.

You are being a bit unreasonable. You have a fixed idea of what should be done when, rather than handing it over completely to someone else.

I’ve long had to accept that when other people do things, they do them their own way.

They are not extensions of your arms, but autonomous people!

If you have something specific in mind- the pumpkin needs to be ready by 6pm- then you need to be explicit.

Your son wasn't upset, your husband was clearly in the middle of pumpkin based activity, and you came stropping in and had a huffy tantrum.

But did you fart as well?

It’s fucking irritating watching someone do a task not in the same way as you do it - it really is. I despair watching it all in slow-mo. Sadly, you delegated a task you would normally take care of - and that is what you get. It’s not worth the battle. Leave people to it - “let them”.

If I'm sick and dh is well I let him get on with things and don't get involved. I'd have binned off trick or treating and stayed in the warm!

You delegated to DH - why did you then have to wade in and get involved?

On the plus side finding the energy to snap is a great sign of recovery. When I'm ill I just don't care enough to comment

Why delegate a job if you're going to try to control the person doing it?

Saw this earlier, feels apt

I'm sorry are you his wife or his boss? Difficult to tell since you're micromanaging him so hard.

. We haven't spoken affectionately in a couple of days

sounds a bit of a shit atmosphere for your children. All over Halloween

Carving a pumpkin isn't a 'task' it's a fun activity to share with your DC. You weren't well enough so your H did it instead. His way. I completely get if you'd asked him to do an essential job that had to be done a particular way and he messed up, but kicking up fuss about the way he goes about a minor ritual for an equally minor bit of family fun seems OTT to me. You've now got a two day long cold atmosphere in your house. Does that seem reasonable over a slowly carved pumpkin?

Is this a reverse?

Why on earth didn’t you take yourself off to bed and leave them to it?

You should have delegated trick or treating as well and gone off to bed.
Then they could have done it all in their own time.

What's with the novels people are writing on here lately? Full of unnecessary details and asides that bulk the tale out, the sort of stuff you put in to make sure you hit a word count or something.

All these unnecessary little details just drive me barmy it's like reading a GCSE English story

Nobody ever died from an uncarved pumpkin.

If DH asked me to do a “fun” activity he had planned with DC and then came and snapped at me for not doing it quickly enough, I’d be pissed off. Especially if the reason he asked was that he had a cold but was planning on going out trick or treating, so really just couldn’t be bothered to do the pumpkins when he was the one who wanted them done.

For context, we went trick or treating but didn’t carve pumpkins and DDs still had a great time, so if DH had been desperate for pumpkins to be carved, I’d have wanted him to do it!

Don’t ask someone to do something and then get huffy and irritated because they’re not doing it to your precise schedule. Who made you his boss? If it’s so incredibly important, do it yourself.

Carving pumpkins was completely unnecessary. I'm sure your son didn't actually care about them being carved and cares much more that you completely lost the plot over something so unimportant to the extent you're still not properly speaking to his dad. Great atmosphere for him I'm sure.

Also I find it hard to believe you're so unwell that you couldn't carve the pumpkins if it was important to you but you could put up decorations and go trick or treating.

no wonder so many parents are knackered these days , what with working , keeping a home going and then being expected to do all these add ons with kids, be it dress up for Halloween or school book day or this that and the other - it seems constant - I can honestly say I don’t think I ever had a pumpkin carved or constant ‘activities’ when younger - I’m not a misery, can see it’s probably fun for kids and ‘some’ parents too but I do think there’s an awful lot of expectations all year round on ‘doing stuff’ packed agendas and often adding expense too

It won’t be fun for these kids because they will be aware of their parents arguing and then the next couple of days the air thick with tension between the pair of them

but yes… a pumpkin will have been carved!

This would make brilliant inspirational wall art.

Or perhaps inspire a new plot line for Midsomer Murders.

Midsomer Murders have probably already done it!

DRYING pumpkin seeds isn’t carving a pumpkin with your child!!