To wonder if you treat your kids like Cinderella?

[ChoresChoresChores]

4 kids aged 17, 14, 11 and 9. What chores are reasonable for each age range? Do you even give your kids chores? I feel like it all falls to me and I worK full time!

My 17yo just does whatever is needed, hoovering, cleans the bathroom, sticks on washing, cooks for everyone a couple of times a week. Whatever she sees really, she works part time and is at college.

My 15yo has a couple of disabilities so can't manage a lot, she is in charge of her room, and she will do the odd thing when she is able to.

My 10yo does her washing, she is in charge of hoovering the stairs, she cooks once a week (very basic meal and I supervise) and keeps her room tidy.

My 8yo does her room, she puts the recycling out and unloads the dishwasher a couple of times a week.

The younger 2 get pocket money for their chores.

My dd has always helped out, she helps with washing up, hanging washing out, run the hoover round, take the dog out etc.

Shes 19 now but has done the above since 12yo.

They certainly think we treat them like Cinders.

Our ten year old is responsible for everything in his room apart from school clothes as he needs them, but if his favourite shorts are dirty as he hasn’t put them in the basket and he hasn’t given them to us when we ask for his washing then tough. He has to hoover, tidy and dust his room once a week.

Whole house wise we all take it in turns to load and unload the dishwasher, take the bins out, hoover etc. We don’t give pocket money for chores as they won’t be paid to clean and tidy their own homes as adults.

My children have never had “chores” but they have always been expected to keep their rooms clean and tidy and help in the house whenever asked.

So when asked do hoovering/dusting/put out the bins/do dishes/laundry/cook etc

They are fully trained in every household task not because they had regular chores but just because over the years they have helped as needed.

Everyone who lives in the household contributes to the running of the household as appropriate.

My four year old has chores. He puts his own clothes in the wash basket and sets the table for dinner. He turns five in a few weeks and we’ve agreed some new chores. From five he will also take his own plate to the kitchen and make his bed.

In the school holidays, dog walking, any tasks reasonably requested (generally emptying dishwasher), cleaning own room, dressing room, en suite etc.
During the school week, nothing beyond keeping her room tidy because she leaves the house at 0700, returns at 1915 one day, 1830 one day and 1715 the other 3 days while we work from home.
When my husband worked away and I was FT in the office, more was expected.
In our family we very much deal with what feels fair at the time - ie if she’s off and doing nothing but we are working, more is expected than if we can comfortably slot things into our day and she’s out all day at school. Husband and I are the same - we don’t have set jobs, whoever has the most time picks up the most domestically day by day.
Works for us and we build it on mutual respect - ie nobody is running around like a blue bottomed fly while someone else sits on their backside eating peeled grapes.

I never gave my kids chores. My eldest is naturally very tidy and my youngest likes to cook and do a bit of gardening so that was it really. They both live away from home and are very capable.

And this is what we have always done too - amended to be done by who has the most spare time day by day but all are capable of almost all tasks.

I don’t treat them like Cinderella. I treat them like people who live in the house and contribute to the mess so should contribute to the tidying.

Well I always managed to magic them up an outfit and means of getting to the party

Both my children contribute to the house.

12 year old, cooks, vaccums, does laundry (washing, drying(either on the line or in the tumble dryer) and folding and putting in appropriate owner piles for putting away) and tidies. Will also change bins when asked and do other chores like mopping the kitchen and is responsible for keeping his room tidy.

9 year old vaccums, puts own laundry away/brings laundry down into the machine, will help fold and peg out ect, tidies, dusts, water plants, cleans the toilet regularly because he cannot aim.

Both put out milk bottles and recycling for collection

I do not have children to wait on me, but they are expected to do their bit age appropriately.

Edited do add: litter picking the front garden. We live on a busy main road with a shop two doors down. They love this job because they get to use litter pickers 😂

No chores, I don't agree children should do these things. They'll have long enough having to do them once they move out. I find it easier to do things myself anyway. Life is too short and I don't want home to feel like work. I don't want them to learn to be transactional through earning pocket money for doing household tasks.

Mine didn't have set chores either but they were expected to be part of the 'team' when it came to doing stuff. And they were.

Both now live independently and they are fully capable. I've never done everything for them because learning how to look after themselves was something it was my responsibility to teach them. So they've always done everything.

When my eldest was 6, he could use the washing machine. It was then his job to teach his sister when she was 6 (he was 13). They both loved putting the washing machine on and doing laundry. Odd children.

At the moment OP, you have given yourself the Cinderella role in your house.

But you have to teach them how to take care of themselves. How to work a washing machine, how to mop a floor and so on.

Your doing them a massive disservice.

Mine are 12&14. We are trying to instill a mindset that its all teamwork since we all live in the house and we need to work together. So if Person A is emptying the dishwasher, Person B van be getting the washing in while Person C is cooking. But if Person A is finishing their homework for example while Person B is cooking, that is OK as well... Person C can still be helping. Next time it might be the other way round.

Everyone is responsible for making sure their own clothes reach the wash basket, their bedding is changed, their floor is hoovered etc... its just the communal areas that are shared.

In reality I still do the majority of stuff but we are working on it. I don't consider this to be trating them like Cinderella... just a case of I only have 24hrs in the day and needsome of them for sleep. (Plus work, ferrying them around, eating and occasionally doing something for myself).
DH works away incidentally, which is why he isn't mentioned. He pitches in when he's home.

I voted you were unreasonable as you have got to this stage and are doing everything. My 14 year old washes both cars each week and cleans the insides also every other week. Daily we all pitch in with cooking, cleaning, laundry. Why should I work full time and then do everything at home. I always say our home is a working ship it is not a cruise liner with guests.

I wasn't given set chores, I was just expected to contribute as someone who lived in the house.

Generally that involved keeping my room and bathroom tidy, doing my own laundry, helping prep dinner and/or wash up, setting the table, vacuuming once a week or so and emptying the bins when they were full.

I think it served me pretty well, as an adult I just get on with things and keep a clean and tidy home without any stress or drama.

My children are all on the spectrum and youngest a has severe learning difficulties.
My 16yo does own washing, cleans her room and takes full responsibility for her pets.
12yo keeps his room tidy and puts his clean clothes away.
10yo feeds her fish and keeps her room tidy.
They are all expected to do things like putting clothes in the wash basket and taking used plates etc to the kitchen and rinsing them.
I do tend to do everything else as it’s just how I was brought up.

No I disagree, there's plenty of time to teach them if they really need it once they own a washing machine or a mop, no need to start in childhood these things are not so difficult to learn that they need 10 years of practice. I want my kids to have fun and play. Home is where they can escape from being told what to do at school, not another place of responsibilities and expectations. Adulthood is plenty long enough to perfect the skill of hoovering or dishwasher stacking without needing to have wasted precious time as a child doing it.

But how will they know how to or what needs doing if you haven't taught them?

How do you enable them to become independent adults and to take responsibility fo themselves and their environment if they haven't been taught?

It'd actually beneficial to their development and self esteem to know that they are trusted, capable and can do stuff.

Mine didn't have chores but they certainly joined in and enjoyed doing it. It made them feel good about themselves to know that they could also do things we did.

Mine (all secondary) don’t really do enough. Empty and pack the dishwasher, hoover their room and the stairs, bring their dirty washing down. They need to do more really.

DS is 17 and the only thing he’ll do off his own back is tidy is own room. If I ask him to hoover/do the dishwasher/load the washing machine/take out the bin he will do without much complaint, think he knows how good he’s got it compared to his mates

Nobody is saying that hoovering or mopping takes 10 years of practise.

But you're doing your kids a massive disservice by not teaching them to pitch in with the running of the home they live in and enjoy.

No we have magic fairies in our house.