He is going through a divorce and had a two year affair whilst married. He is convinced no-one knows of this affair. The affair partner ended the affair and remains with her husband.
When we met up he was open about all of it. I was 6 months out of my last relationship. Both of us still friendly with exes (him the affair partner not the ex-wife). We live in a rural area, you bump into people. Both said yes we'd have a chat with them. Still get the occasional friendly message. No problem. Had the are we exclusive conversation. All good.
Went on our first holiday. Five months into seeing each other. A big birthday for him, a message from her. I asked are you really over, asked to see messages. Most were of friendly nature. But a few crossed a line for me. Discussion about havig not seen each another in ages, but they must have crosssed paths - he said about her top that she looked pretty.
Also in the weeks leading up to our holiday. Some discussion of changing cars, not seeing her around. That he misses her and the good times thay had. He said it would be good to catch up over a pint. Lots of banter about his birthday and referring to a date they had on his previous birthday.
Soooo.. wasn't happy at all. He asked to see my messages with my ex of which there were more messages but all very platonic. No kisses, hearts etc.
Half of me thinks I should have ended it there and then, he crossed a line. The other half thinks they show they hadn't met. No I still love you's. No plans to meet. Her messages back were cooler in tone if anything.
We managed to enjoy the second half of the holiday. We are now four months further down the line. But I seem to be unable to let it go and will be triggered by something and feel the need to end the relationship, want to check his phone (he has allowed me to do this, but I hate myself for wanting to check). He agrees the messages were overfriendly, says he's embarrased her, himself and is very sorry for hurtring me. Says he was and idiot and that there was no intention behind the messages, just that he was continuing to message in the same style as times gone by.
I have had jealousy/insecurity issues in past relationships and have low self esteem. Reading this back I feel like I don't want to end a relationship that at times is so good. But am plauged by insecurity and what if's and it can be exhausing. I also can't believe that I'm writing this at my age - hardly a spring chicken!!!! I also swing from accepting people have affairs for various reasons v. not trustworthy.