AIBU or should he have spent the day with us (me) yesterday?

[Spellingchallenge]

I've had a really difficult week.

My DF has terminal cancer, he was diagnosed two years ago and given 6-18 months, so he's done so well and gone through some pretty gruelling chemo.

Wednesday we got the unfortunate news that they will now be stopping treatment as the cancer has spread and his body is not responding to treatment. Although 'expected' at some point this was really difficult as he'd been doing so well.

Obviously I was devastated, I'm really close to my family. I was pretty distraught Weds evening and when I told him he simply held me. He didn't really say anything to me a d I just said I needed to go to bed. He brought me a drink which was a kind gesture but other than that didn't really offer any support.

Thursday I was a mess, I went to work but had to leave and I managed to get a doctor's appointment and they prescribed me tablets to help. I also took Friday of work.

Yesterday (Saturday), he was meant to have someone come and look at his car at 10. They cancelled 10 mins before which pissed him off as he's spent the morning cleaning it etc. He came in and sat down and told nez then said suddenly 'do you kind of I pop out?' I said no and asked where he was going. He went to his friend down the road. Ok. Except he spent all day there leaving me with the children. I really could have done with him here and I know I'm probably being unreasonable because I said he could go but I feel really upset that he doesn't even consider I might need some support.

I had to go to my second job last night and didn't get in til 1.20am and he's at work all day today.

He asked if you minded him going out and you said no. Surely you just say actually I could really use some support/to have you around today. Maybe it's because my husband is ND but I find just being transparent about what you want and need leads to a lot less resentment when your uncommunicated wants are not met.

Who is he? Your partner? Is he the children’s father?

You need to be clear with him how he can best support you. Some people like space others need lots of attention many fall in between.

Sorry yes DP, children's father.
I said yes because he said he was popping out but that turned to the day. But yes I can see I was being unreasonable if said yes I didn't mind!

It's extremely unreasonable to say he was going to " pop out" , which generally means for a very short time, and then stay away all day. I do think before you said you didn't mind it should have been established how long he expected to be out. And that would have given you the opportunity to say you didn't mind provided it was for a short time.

It sounds as though he is a bit out of his depth as regards being a supportive partner. I mean you would think seeing you so upset and knowing you have such a demanding life - two jobs plus children is extremely demanding- plus dealing with your DF's illness he would have some idea that you needed him to offer practical, even if not emotional support.
But apparently not.

I'm afraid you are going to have to spell it out to him. Tell him how you are feeling. And tell him what you need from him. And pulling his weight as regards parenting his children is the bare minimum he should be doing .

I'm realky sorry about your DF .

Popping out is different from spending the whole day at his mates house,he mis directed you with his "Popping out" no he isn't a mind reader etc but he needs to.be clear imo. Talk to him tell him you are needing him for support physically and emotionally and why did he think it was alright to stay out the whole day.

Spell it out - I am feeling very sad and need you to be around a bit just now.

I am sorry to hear about your father.