I think I just need to vent but going for AIBU anyway as I’m so angry and upset with DS. Not sure much can be done about it but open to suggestions.
Teen DS has consistently displayed behaviour veering on the selfish side. I don’t just mean typical thoughtless teen behaviour, which I recognise as normal and all part of growing up - such as leaving mess/rubbish/dirty laundry/crockery/food/wrappers all over the place; leaving drawers/cupboard doors open etc. without consideration of how it impacts others.
I mean he’ll only do something if there’s something directly in it for him (a reward/treat/money/activity/food/trip or somewhere only he wants to go) and if I ask a simple thing like can you just give me a hand with this, it’ll be a no or a full on ignore.
If I challenge him, or ask him why he can’t just come and help, he’ll come out with several excuses, none of which make sense, and obviously the more excuses added to the first original one, the less it becomes plausible - e.g. I didn’t hear you followed by I was busy doing something else followed by I thought younger sibling was helping. That sort of thing.
My younger kids don’t have this trait, and will just say ok, give me a hand and go back to what they were doing, no biggie.
They’ll also offer to share if they have a bag of sweets or make me a cup of tea. Those things are really lovely and I appreciate them doing them as it signals kindness and maturity.
I don’t know what else to do. I can’t change him. I can only explain to him the importance of just helping your family out and it being just something you do rather than it being a means to receiving a reward. Not exclusively of course but ffs just bring the fucking shopping in or take the bags from me while it’s pissing with rain and my arms are falling off.
Makes me so cross but what can I do?
YANBU - he needs to learn to help his family out as an altruistic thing you do
YABU - he’s just a teen, give him a break