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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sister affair/new relashionship

11 replies

Abdhille · 01/11/2025 17:55

My sister flirted with a man in my mums tiny village 250 miles away from where she lives with her children. She left her husband and now has the kids week on week off. On her weeks off she drives a 500mile round trip to see this man. This is a tiny village and my mum knows everyone. There is one pub. My sister has lied about when the relashionship started.
my mum had recently been diagnosed and was having treatment for breast cancer at the time and was obviously feeling vulnerable. She felt deeply uncomfortable about the whole thing, she feels uncomfortable going in the tiny local village pub as my sister turns up whenever she wants with this new man. This man also knew she was married with two children which also adds to my mother’s uncomfortable feeling.
my sister has fallen out with my mum and myself because we think the whole thing is just odd.
this man also never visits my sisters place because of his job so it is her who drives the 500 mile round trip to see him every other week.
she has told everyone in the village who will listen that my mum is judgemental and unreasonable. She can be very charming and manipulative and so now my mum is also paranoid that everyone in her tiny village is against her.
i feel like i’m slightly losing my grip on sanity.
Is my sister being selfish or is my mum over sensitive?
help!

OP posts:
TheCurious0range · 01/11/2025 17:57

Your sister's relationship is nothing to do with you or your mum, she chose to leave her husband for this new partner not sure why that would reflect on either of you badly.

Abdhille · 01/11/2025 18:11

And on paper I can kind of see that, but for months she used my mums house as a base to sneak around to go see him and was extremely drunk and all over this man while still married, and continuously lied to my mum. She could see the upset this caused and knowing my mum was ill from treatment. I don’t know what is best way to make them ever get along?

OP posts:
FuzzyWolf · 01/11/2025 18:13

Presumably the people in the village have known your mum for years and know what she is really like.

ExtraOnions · 01/11/2025 18:17

You don’t think much about the people in the Village. Your belief is that they will judge you, and your mum, because of who your sister is dating … if the villagers are that awful, I am surprised you care what they think.

In reality, nobody is arsed - it’s a side-eye bit of gossip, that no one is losing any sleep over. Nobody cares.

thepariscrimefiles · 01/11/2025 18:23

ExtraOnions · 01/11/2025 18:17

You don’t think much about the people in the Village. Your belief is that they will judge you, and your mum, because of who your sister is dating … if the villagers are that awful, I am surprised you care what they think.

In reality, nobody is arsed - it’s a side-eye bit of gossip, that no one is losing any sleep over. Nobody cares.

OP is worried because her sister is going round the village and telling people that her mum is judgemental and unreasonable. That is hardly condusive to a stress-free convalescence and hopefully recovery from breast cancer.

Her sister sounds pretty awful.

Abdhille · 01/11/2025 18:32

FuzzyWolf · 01/11/2025 18:13

Presumably the people in the village have known your mum for years and know what she is really like.

Yes FuzzyWolf she has friends of her age range in the village. I think that’s the only thing giving her a bit of comfort. My sister goes to the younger generation in the pub and gets them on her side. She has been very drunken, loud and said very embarrassing things while in this tiny pub, which my mum begged her to stop doing, but she says she’s an adult and can do what she wants. Our dad did have a real go at her about the stress to my mum while in recovery all the sneaking around with the man was causing. She now won’t speak to him and tells everybody he is a horrible bully.
i used to be best friends with my sister but i just don’t recognise her anymore

OP posts:
Abdhille · 01/11/2025 18:34

thepariscrimefiles · 01/11/2025 18:23

OP is worried because her sister is going round the village and telling people that her mum is judgemental and unreasonable. That is hardly condusive to a stress-free convalescence and hopefully recovery from breast cancer.

Her sister sounds pretty awful.

It’s so tough as she just seems like a different person. She has always been my very close sister, but her drive to go and get what she wants seems to not take others feelings into account

OP posts:
BoredZelda · 01/11/2025 18:34

thepariscrimefiles · 01/11/2025 18:23

OP is worried because her sister is going round the village and telling people that her mum is judgemental and unreasonable. That is hardly condusive to a stress-free convalescence and hopefully recovery from breast cancer.

Her sister sounds pretty awful.

If her mother’s character can be debased by her daughter talking about her once a fortnight, her place in the village wasn’t very secure anyway.

To be fair, it sounds like she is being judgemental. Her daughter’s relationship is none of her business and she should butt out.

Abdhille · 01/11/2025 18:36

TheCurious0range · 01/11/2025 17:57

Your sister's relationship is nothing to do with you or your mum, she chose to leave her husband for this new partner not sure why that would reflect on either of you badly.

Even though she was still married and was drunkenly falling all over this man and using my mums house as a base to sneak around with him? I get it, I know others will see it a different way and I appreciate your input.

OP posts:
Abdhille · 01/11/2025 18:40

BoredZelda · 01/11/2025 18:34

If her mother’s character can be debased by her daughter talking about her once a fortnight, her place in the village wasn’t very secure anyway.

To be fair, it sounds like she is being judgemental. Her daughter’s relationship is none of her business and she should butt out.

Even though she was married, and everyone in the village knew she was married? I’ll also mention she is a very bad drunk and can say pretty terrible things. She’s shown people gold rings on her finger and told them she got them from ‘putting out’ for her husband. This is another reason my mum is uncomfortable

OP posts:
Goldengirl123 · 02/11/2025 08:50

Believe me when you live in a small village this is very important. I feel for your mum

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