To think that most people think they’re “kind” just because they occasionally do something convenient for someone else?

[MyAmusedOpalCrab]

It feels like real kindness is rare these days. Most people seem to believe they’re “good people” simply because they hold the door open, smile at someone once in a while or send a supportive text when it’s easy and costs them nothing. But real kindness often involves effort, sacrifice or inconvenience and a lot of people don’t actually want to go that far.

AIBU to think that most people mistake being polite when it’s convenient for being genuinely kind?

I think you're mixing good and kind up they mean 2 very different things. I also think most people are kind but have limits and boundaries to what that means. I also think life is very busy and people genuinely don't have the time and energy they once had x

My mum always says she’s kind. I think she’s the opposite. She will do something occasionally because it suits her and probably because it looks good, but generally she’s unkind about others including her own children, is very reluctant to help out, disrespects other people’s boundaries, and can’t take any feedback or disagreement. It drives me mad that she touts herself as being kind 24/7 when really she’s not.
The other day I said it would be rude to turn up at my brothers house 45 minutes early when he had guests from another country and specifically requested we visit at a certain time and she didn’t talk to me for 24 hours!

Well it’s not a quantifiable thing is it? Kind or unkind? You will have your definition and it might be different to mine. Is yours a sort of self effacing religious purity where everything is done out of pure altruism?

Most people are decent I think. If they’re allowed to be. It’s when life is very hard that humans have to be more selfish.

I’m not talking about sainthood or “pure altruism”, more about the difference between comfort kindness and costly kindness. I agree most people are decent but I meant the sort of kindness that still shows up when it’s inconvenient - when you’re tired, busy or there’s nothing in it for you. That’s the one I see less of these days.

I think many people opt to be kind when they ultimately know ow they'll get something in return for. That can be attention -virtual signaling- or compliments.

I find people who do things to be kind to others with no expectations of receiving anything in return very rare.

I would deem an action as kind but not attach it to a person.

I would deem myself as a decent person in that I give a lot of my time to my various voluntary commitments but I wouldn't martyr myself by saying I'm a kind person.

From this it clearly sounds like you class yourself as one of the Truly Good And Kind People that the rest of us can only aspire to be?

Perhaps you could bestow upon us the exact qualifications you feel are necessary to join your level?

I wouldn't label myself as kind or unkind, but I can be a bit anti-social at times. I also don't do small talk that well, so maybe the chatterers see me as unkind.

Women are often too kind. Give us some examples of where we are lacking?

Really? I often make charity donations online. I don’t care if anyone knows it or not, I do it to help the charities and I don’t virtue signal or even talk about it particularly. My DH is the same. This post isn’t an intended virtue signal either, my point is I’ve always assumed lots of people do this or similar things to help others without expecting a pat on the back for it?

I think it's unreasonable to expect people to,be kind. Kindness is vague and subjective. It's more important to protect the vulnerable and weak imo