So this year I’ve been to three weddings and started a new job. I must have been asked 30+ times if I’m single. A fair few people will say things like “why not, pretty girl like you blah blah”.
I just say it’s not what I want right now. But the truth is it’s not really a choice. I have terrible mental health. Extremely bad generalised anxiety and depression. Plus I’m in recovery from an eating disorder which has its ups and downs (I’m in a down phase right now).
I’m 30 and sure there are aspects of a relationship I miss. But I have zero spare capacity. I can’t imagine having to factor another variable into my life. I need simplicity. Relationships set my anxiety into overdrive and it’s just not something I can do right now.
I was speaking to my mum and she basically said you don’t want to be left on the shelf. And that many people with mh struggles date. I’m being far too rigid.
It just made me question whether I am being too black and white. My mh struggles are not under control. I regularly break down in tears. I don’t want to share my issues with anyone or make anyone have to take them on in a way.
im quite literally a classic case of a high achiever who has crashed and burned.
I can only do what feels right. I can’t imagine adding a bf into the mix.