I let a man waste away my fertility and I’m struggling

29 replies

Ungap11 · 31/10/2025 20:25

I had a baby with my ex, unplanned a couple of years in. He was adamant he wanted kids with me but not yet. He eventually stepped up to being a day around 18 months in. We got back together (I know, I don’t know why). He said he absolutely wanted more kids, was a great dad to our child and kept saying next year next year. I reached late 30s and said it’s now or never and he said he wouldn’t accept an ultimatum. I then ended it. This was 4 years since he promised he wanted more children.

I still feel sad and confused about it all. I ended it in June and haven’t met anyone. Haven’t really been trying. Just feel so sad that I gave up so much of my life to him. I can see now looking back that he was never going to have dc with me and probably wouldn’t have had our first if it hadn’t been an accident. It’s ok for him, he can go off and have more children in years to come. I can’t. I don’t know how to move on from it.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ungap11 · 31/10/2025 22:12

PJsandbiscuits · 31/10/2025 22:07

I understand how you are feeling. I had a child with my exH and he refused to discuss having another child. I found out later that he told everyone around us that we were only having one and not to talk to me about it. the marriage ended for many reasons, including his gambling and cheating but that one thing really hurt. I’d always wanted at least 2 children.

I was in my late-ish 30’s when my marriage ended and a year later I met my now-husband. One of the things that made me open to a relationship was that he initially said he would like children. But then he felt he was too old, he’s almost 10 years older than me. He and my son have a wonderful relationship, but he didn’t think he could have one of his own at his age. It took me a long time to adjust to that, and I went to counselling for it. For a while I seriously weighed up whether to stay or go. I stayed as he is a really good man, we have a great relationship and he loves being a dad to my son. We’ve been together almost 20 years now. My son adores him, and considers him his father.

The only regret I have in life is not having more children. I’ve had disappointments and ups & downs of course, but that is the only true regret. What is has meant is that I have focused on giving my son the best life I could. And he and I have a very strong relationship. I am so grateful that I am a mother and that I get to be his mother.

So I understand the pain of not having the family I had hoped to have. Especially if you feel your partner has strung you along. But it gets easier over time. And I have been able to give my son experiences as well as support when he has needed it, at various times in his life, that I may not have been able to do as easily if I’d had another child.

@PJsandbiscuits thank you so much. I’m so glad you met someone so great, too.

OP posts:

oviraptor21 · 31/10/2025 22:14

You don't need a partner to have another child but sperm banks aren't an easy option and are not cheap. But the possibility is there.

ComfortFoodCafe · 31/10/2025 22:14

Ungap11 · 31/10/2025 20:29

@ComfortFoodCafe I don’t think he ever had any intention of having a second. I don’t think it was a case of changing his mind. I’m also already 40 so the ship has sailed for me given I’m not even in a relationship

Show quote history

Never say never op. A friend of mine was single her entire life, met her husband at 41 had two kids by the time she was 45. Just find someone stable for the sake of your exsiting child & cherish the fact you were lucky enough to have one healthy child, many don’t get that chance.

Hedgehogbrown · 31/10/2025 22:27

Ungap11 · 31/10/2025 20:55

@Hysterectomynext thank you so much for your lovely words. I am 40 now so think it’s unlikely. I almost feel too drained to even find someone. I need some time to re set and that’s hard to do with a young child. I have thought about fostering or adopting but I don’t think I would be good at it. I feel like he’s stolen a life from me by not being honest.

Show quote history

No he will never change his mind. It's good you left him. He fucked off and left his baby until they were 18 months? What an absolutely shithead of a Father. Stop saying it's over. I'm 42 having my second. Yes it's too late to meet a man, especially as you have questionable taste and having a baby with a dickhead is really hard (as you know) but get yourself down to the sperm bank if you really want to.

Flip

1 2