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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that when men make you ashamed it almost always involves sex?

8 replies

Dappy777 · 31/10/2025 12:17

Feeling a bit low about the men in my life atm. Is it just me, or whenever good men let you down does it always involve sex? I'm not talking about horrible or creepy men (I'd expect nothing less). I mean the men you considered good. The following examples were committed either by men I knew personally or by men other women have told me about. In every case we thought they were good people:

  • Caught viewing indecent images of children.
  • Caught arranging to meet an underage girl.
  • Caught not just visiting escorts but writing reviews of his experiences on a website.
  • Prosecuted for historic child abuse (a pre-pubescent girl).
  • Caught having sex with a woman at a party when she'd passed out.
  • Overheard in a pub saying that he goes to Thailand because of the underage girls.
  • Caught filming women sunbathing in a park.
  • Sacked from his job as a teacher for telling a 16-year-old pupil he was in love with her.
  • Confronted by an angry father for staring at his young daughter while she played on a slide.
  • Marrying a pretty girl from a very poor country who was 30 years younger than him (he not only thought he'd done nothing wrong but considered himself heroic for having 'rescued her').
  • Caught importing a sex doll that looked like a child.
  • Offering rooms on a "sex for rent" basis to young women.

When good women have let me down, it has almost never involved sex. Instead, it has usually involved jealousy or bitchiness. It's sad, but I just don't trust the vast majority of men when it comes to sex. It's like the male sex drive overpowers everything and turns good men into monsters.

OP posts:
MyFlabbersAreGasted · 31/10/2025 12:28

Ugh. Men.

TheZanyZebra · 31/10/2025 12:30

I don't know ANY man who has been taking part in any of the behaviour you listed.

I am not saying it doesn't exist, and if people around me are involved in it, I know nothing about it, but it's a weird list to have and a lot of weirdos to be involved with.

What kind of job do you have that you get in contact with such a bunch of creeps?!

JHound · 31/10/2025 13:20

Jesus! Goodness OP I feel awful for you finding out you know men like this. It’s horrifying.

JHound · 31/10/2025 13:22

It's like the male sex drive overpowers everything and turns good men into monsters.

Hash tag Not. All. Men but I do think a lot of men are ruled by their sex drives. To a much greater extent than women are anyway.

PermanentTemporary · 31/10/2025 13:23

My goodness are those all different men?

I can’t imagine even one of the men I know reasonably well doing any of those things.

5128gap · 31/10/2025 13:30

I think its fairly well understood that men are many times more likely to behave inappropriately, unethically and criminally where sex is concerned than women. So it isn't surprising that the list of things in your OP were done by men not women. I think your list is possibly longer than average though, suggesting you may have been either very unfortunate in your relationships or be in a position where you discover a lot of things that men keep hidden.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 31/10/2025 13:35

It's like the male sex drive overpowers everything and turns good men into monsters

Don't agree with this statement at all.

It's perfectly commonplace to have an extremely healthy, active libido, and yet still conduct yourself in a perfectly respectable and decent manner.

Men who would do the sort of things you list in the OP have a fundamentally broken moral compass. It's not about sex-drive, it's about the fact they'd contemplate doing these things at all. The sex-drive doesn't over-rule "common sense", they have an inherently broken self-control in the first place, often due to some historical event/events in their own lives or never having had concepts of decency implanted. A lot of behaviour is taught and learned, if you don't have a good example to follow, or the examples you are given are poor, then it's going to have consequences for your own behaviours in adulthood.

They are not "good men" turned bad, they were never "good" to begin with.

NomoneyNoprospects · 31/10/2025 13:38

Christ alive, are these all separate men? How many people do you know? That's a long list. One of the GPs at our surgery got jailed for being a perv decades ago but with the exception of him I can't think of any others I know, first or second hand.

I'm not saying it's doesn't happen, i expect a lot of what you've described is never uncovered, sadly.

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