Do you feel you’ve wasted your time on threads where the OP never updates?

[Toydrum]

Isn’t it a waste of time and energy? It’s a shame really because I see some really considerate and caring replies.

At what point do you give up on a thread?

Sometimes when OPs don't engage/ continue, the thread may be of use to other people in similar situations.

If it's something more niche or lengthy, I'll check "see all OP's" posts to see how the thread progressed.

There was one this morning asking about older sibling looking after younger siblings that was started a few days ago and lacked useful information like how long for. No point in engaging when half the information is missing.

Sometimes just by posting, it helps sort people's thoughts and the replies may not be the essential part (to the OP)

It's up to people responding what they can invest in the thread.

I think it’s spot on. It’s a public forum. You don’t know these people and you’re not entitled to anything from them.

Meh… its not Eastenders and you’re not entitled to constant updates.

I actually find it really annoying when people get ridiculously over invested and keep coming back to say: “Any news OP?”.

Particularly on the threads which involve suspected infidelity. There’s something a bit creepy to my mind about the people who are so involved in the breakdown of an anonymous person’s marriage that they can’t tear themselves away.

Threads have general value because they raise interesting moral and philosophical questions and issues. Take them as they come.

I once opened a thread about work problems. I was on the floor and people helped and I thanked the ones who did in one post because I didn’t have the energy to thank them all and was crying too hard. I then left the thread and was happy afterwards I didn’t go back as when I searched it when I’d changed jobs two people had decided I must be an idiot, was ruining life for my work col, was similar to their work colleagues (who were also idiots and cunts apparently!) and needed to stop ruining everything for everyone and just learn quicker and start trying because I obviously wasn’t. If I had read that at the time I honestly would have fallen apart. Had I answered them I couldn’t have put my point across well enough to have not been eaten alive. So bear in mind that sometimes an op has gotten something off their chest but just doesn’t have the ability to say anything

It isn’t up to you to say whether MN is for others or not.
Needlessly rude comment and the sort of thing which puts people off posting.
I have often noticed this type of nastiness is the first reply which makes me wonder if some people lie in wait for an opportunity to be horrible and hope to encourage a pile on.
MN has said it does not like this and advised such posts should be reported so that frequent offenders can be monitored so I have just done so.

YANBU, if it's a long thread, I check if the OP has come back. If not, I don't add to the thread.

I think people either

(i) don't like the responses and do a flounce (cough Asda own brand juice cough)
(ii) are in a bad place and can't face replying, especially when there are loads of posts
(iii) can't be bothered

https://www.kentonline.co.uk/ashford/news/spiked-reform-councillor-when-i-collapsed-the-bedroom-doo-329693/#:~:text=A%20visit%20to%20his%20GP,take%20control%20of%20your%20body.%22
@Toydrum this is the guy I thought of with the other thread

I do similar. Annoying when it happens though.

If someone asks for advice because they are in a difficult situation they should not feel beholden to update. Probably shit is going on in their lives.

OP didn't say that OPs must return to their thread.

She is talking about her leaving a thread because of the lack of engagement from the OP, which is perfectly valid.

If you hang around on a thread waiting for the OP, then I suggest you're the one who is over-invested. Leaving a thread is perfectly fine.

I do feel a bit sorry for OPs when the thread has not gone how they’ve wanted so they disappear (I assume). But tbh I tend to see that as the main kind of thread where op doesn’t come back. I quite enjoy threads where the discussion is taken along without the op and an interesting debate occurs - but it’s only interesting if you’re there when it’s happening. Not enjoyable to arrive to a 15 page thread of others debating when you’d like to join but know it has moved on.

I think it depends. When someone has asked for active advice on something (how do I get stains out, etc) I think it's common courtesy to come back and thank those giving advice. When it's something more emotional with lots of variations and degrees of answer and emotions are clearly running high - then I tend to think that if the OP doesn't come back , at least the answers might be of use to someone else in the same boat. It's not a running commentary on life, it's a momentary snapshot.

I sometimes feel really guilty when I post something, go to work and come back to loads of replies that I couldn't answer, even when it was an observation rather than a question, and I'm happy to see that other posters have gone off on tangents and are having conversations among themselves!

If I'm late to a long thread I always check the ops posts first and if s/he hasn't replied i don't generally bother adding anything.

I’ve taken to checking if poster replies before reading all the replies

Can you try ‘watch thread’.

I agree with this - it bothers me when the post is about something really shit and then after about 3 hours people start piling on demanding updates. The OP is probably busy dealing with the shit situation!

You said in your previous comment that his friends spiked him. Thats not what it says in the article. He says he couldn't rule out that it was someone known to him but he doesnt know. Someone known to him could literally be anyone. He had stayed on after his friends left to chat to some local people. He also acknowledges that a woman being spiked and possibly being sexually assaulted is much worse than that happened to him. He is working to raise awareness. Did you even read the article?

I do agree with this, if anything can help anyone it’s a bonus. I think I’m looking for optimism and if not a good ending, then, at least, the OP has come to an understanding of how best to proceed in the most positive way for themselves.

Yes, there is that too, I can accept that.

You can save individual posts. Click 3 dots and then 'Save'.

Yes, I take this on board too.

I probably do get a bit invested, but don’t worry if the OP doesn’t come back. Sometimes you can help someone, sometimes nothing comes of it. If you’re going to be bothered if OP doesn’t vime
back then it’s probably better not to post. I stick around for those threads where someone is genuinely helped and supported. It’s a bit of positive in a world full of negatives.

I think this is the best attitude tbh.

No. You’re giving advice based on a wildly biased snippet of a situation. The OP can then think about it and see if it’s relevant but they don’t owe an explanation or action. Those giving advice often get quite aggressive and absolutely hammer the OP into doing the ‘right’ thing. It’s all slightly absurd. I think people need to more see posts as conversation starters. Most of the meaningful engagement comes between those commenting not the OP.

Are you attempting to recreate your missing threads here?

You're being way too specific for this thread.