Am I overreacting?

[Ihatehusbsnd]

I am really fed up with my husband. Just this morning for context: I slept in my daughters room last night as I knew he would be late (no message to confirm or even any communication but knew as it was 9:30 last night and no sign of him. To make sure I didn’t have another night of being woken up I slept in DD’s room. I was woken up briefly at around 12ish when he must have come home.

I woke up early to get chores done before kids wake up to find the front door unlocked! So he came in and not even locked the door after him (we live in London, not a good part so there is real danger to what he did). This is not the first time: many times he’s left the keys IN the door. I decided not to let this make me angry so went to get ready to find he has left the toilet filthy, not even flushed it away! At this point I was so angry and I told him to at least flush the bloody toilet! He’s ignoring me which is making me angrier. Also not the first time he has done this, we have 3 toilets but he chooses to have his late night number 2’s in the en-suite toilet we are sleeping in. I’ve just come off the phone to my mum whose saying “it’s not that bad”

I’m just so fed up.

He is showing you exactly what he thinks about you.

Everyone makes mistakes, no one’s perfect. He wouldn’t have left the door unlocked intentionally.

Possibly but how do you excuse not flushing the toilet?

Either absolutely wasted drunk or contemptuous of his partner.

There's got to be more to this?

He's out, you sleep in DC room. I'm not sure why.
He's home at midnight.
He doesn't flush a toilet - probably trying to be quite and not wake you.

Not locking the door is poor. I would change the lock to one that locks when it closes

Or he just forgot. Maybe he’s absent minded. I have a sister like this who’s incredibly forgetful and always preoccupied, often leaves her keys in the door, but she tries very hard not to be. She knows it’s frustrating for others sometimes, but it’s never intentionally done.

If this is a one off then yes you’re overreacting. Not locking the door is bad, but you weren’t burgled? My ex used to do this sober and it drove me mad. He moved out when we split and his house and car were broken into multiple times. He never learned. But it’s done now so no point stewing over it.

But we never flush the toilet at night, it wakes people up. Criticising him for using the closest toilet to where he’s sleeping is also a bit much.

He’s ignoring you because you’re angry. Not surprising.

I’m going to assume there are a lot of other issues in your relationship and this is the camel’s straw? Have you had relationship counselling? Discussed unacceptable behaviour and committed to work at things?

In our house all of this would just be one of those irritating things. I’ve also done the leaving my keys in the front door on occasion (including when perfectly sober) and DH has treated it as the accident it was. We’ve both forgotten to flush the loo once or twice over the years. This stuff is human. But if your relationship is already rocky and little niggles like this are creating real contempt, it’s time to really tackle the underlying problems.

That's really annoying. I'm presuming when you say door unlocked, it's one where you could just push the handle and door opens? Rather than the type that sits on a public road and would be 'locked' to an extent just by being closed?