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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU for not wanting my sister to spend time with my ex

32 replies

Wonderingwanderer99 · 30/10/2025 22:00

I live with my parents at the moment with my baby after leaving my ex. It wasn’t a normal breakup there was serious emotional and sexual harm involved.

My sister and her husband decided to meet up with my ex at a soft-play centre with their kids and the baby on a day he has her. They didn’t tell me before planning this. I only found out afterwards when her husband phoned my dad to say tell him and said he'd call me later to tell me. I felt sick.

I’d already told my sister I needed distance and asked her not to have any contact with him, especially not involving the kids. She ignored that and later said her children “keep asking to see him” and that she had to put their wellbeing first. I think that’s a poor excuse — they aren’t suffering without him; she just didn’t want to say no.

I told her she could have spoken to me first, and that her choice has destroyed our relationship. She replied with a thumbs-up emoji and nothing else.

AIBU here to feel that I'm not sure I can ever forgive her for this.

OP posts:
euff · 18/11/2025 06:42

She hasn’t just stuck the knife in, she’s twisted it too. I hope you are getting more support from your parents. If she had been seeing him with the baby for another reason such as watching them to safeguard baby that would be different. It very much seems she has decided to support him.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 18/11/2025 06:50

Jfc.

I'm so so sorry. What a headwreck for you...

Wtf is wrong with her?
When was the last time she invited you over for dinner?
Did yout parents share the log?
What did she say?
Where are your parents in all this?
Does bil umderstand the batshit rationale?

So many questions

💐💐💐 for you

SparklyGlitterballs · 18/11/2025 06:57

Wow, your sister has basically chosen your ex over you. What a disgusting person she is. I too would be extremely upset and would find it hard to forgive.

NET145 · 18/11/2025 06:58

Your sister is unforgivable. I would strongly suggest supporting charges because if not it also (wrongly of course) suggests the abuse may have not been so bad and this sense could impact child arrangements

Takeoutyourhen · 18/11/2025 07:08

Sockdays · 31/10/2025 10:02

OP, the accusation alone and reporting him to the police will put the spotlight on the scum he is.

I am so sorry that your sister is similar scum to him.
Completely unforgivable.
Do not tell her anything about your life and plans.
Complete information diet.

She is dangerous to you.
She certainly doesn't wish you well.

I'm so sorry.

Absolutely this.
Grey rock with sister.
her behaviour is completely unacceptable but since you say she is the golden child / narc, I’m unsurprised that something that so terrible that happened to you has still to be seen as impacting her and she needs to be the centre of attention.
When these things happen, they are showing their true colours, even if you knew it before, this kind of behaviour should truly cement it.
I have also had a similar experience. Consequently it has impacted my relationship on those family members. It’s taken years and years for them to listen to me and seem to come round to his behaviour but at the time, when I needed them most of all, they put him first.
Sadly, some people, like your sister is enjoying this.
Consider charging him.
Wishing you all the best.

MairOldAlibi · 18/11/2025 07:21

I’m presuming he is a coercive control type as well as the other stuff he did? Because forcing estrangements from family is a big theme in victimising someone. Presumably he spent your relationship working out everyone’s weak points ready to use, should it be required to keep you in line. It’s the same technique used to reach children: keep the ‘protective’ adults in thrall or under the thumb.

Don’t let your parents share anything else with your sister. This is probably all deliberate so you’ll a) reveal your hand, b) suffer emotionally, and c) fail in court. There’ll also be an element of punishing her for helping you escape him, and of needing a replacement set of victims to emotionally hoodwink, bully and manipulate.

Sockdays · 18/11/2025 08:38

Wonderingwanderer99 · 18/11/2025 06:15

Update, she's since had him over for dinner with our child.

Oh and is now threatening not to come to Christmas because it's awkward because I'm upset. But also hasn't tried to talk to me at all.

OP, your relationship with her is over.
She is toxic.
She 100% wants to hurt you.
Please consider reporting him to the police.

Her threat regarding Christmas is more drama.
This is very deliberate behaviour.
Stand your ground with your parents and her.

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