Newborns don’t need your cuddles and kisses

[Worriedmumma2025]

Just out of hospital with my 6 week old DS who has been really poorly the past week with viral meningitis. He was so ill he nearly needed to go to intensive care. Thanks to the amazing docs and nurses he is now home. It was a really scary time.

They found the virus in his spinal fluid and it was a cold virus he caught from well meaning family members who wanted to cuddle and kiss him. One had recently recovered from a cold but had others with a cold in their household. So he must have caught from this.

I’m posting because from time to time you see threads from mums who are concerned about their newborn babies and ask relatives not to kiss. Or they want to cocoon for a few weeks. And their concerns are always met with nonsense about newborns needing to build immunity or be socialised. Building immunity should come later in a few months when they are more robust and licking the floor. We should support families to do what they want with their vulnerable newborn babies. There is plenty of time for cuddles when they are stronger.

If I had my time back I would have stuck to my guns about allowing cuddles and kisses from extended family.

I'm so sorry you've been through this. In the vast majority of cases when babies catch a cold it does not lead to viral meningitis. You were incredibly unlucky, and while it's totally reasonable to expect people who are ill to not cuddle the baby I think a blanket ban on any physical contact until the baby is crawling around the floor (at what, eight months?!) is an overreaction to a statistically small risk. It's just very unfortunate your child got so ill, but most won't.

As someone who went through similar when my child was 10 weeks old, I remember the rage at those who I was convinced gave my child their cold and made him seriously ill.

But the reality is who you have no idea where it came from. Unless you and your partner are not going out at all and are home all the time, you could have a virus and be asymptomatic.

Glad your DC is on the mend and hope you recover from the trauma too.

You have obviously had a really horrible time but most newborns get lots of cuddles from famy members and dont get meningitis
That said he's your son and you dont have to have anyone around of you dont want to .

It’s not reasonable or healthy to ban anyone from holding or touching your child until they are crawling. No kisses is sensible though. I’m glad your baby is recovering OP, my DD developed sepsis as a baby and it was a very scary time, but once he has recovered I’d recommend reconsidering banning physical contact with all family members for several months. Ban kisses and ask people to stay away when they no they are ill though absolutely.

The baby could have got it from you or the other parent.

You could have touched something, brushed your face and then touched or kissed your baby.

Can speculate but you were extremely unlucky, and you ll never know.

Would this also apply to older siblings who are the biggest germ factories?

Yes I forgot that. Young children don't practice.Hand hygiene and are always sick. A newborn will be living with one of these germ factories, and there's nothing you can do.

My first born had viral mengitis within a week of being born.

We spent next week and a half in an isolation unit. We dont blame anyone. It literally could have come from any source.

You are completely unreasonable to blame a family member as your allegations are completely unfounded

I am very sorry that you’ve had such a fright with your baby.
I’m afraid that your reaction is understandable but also irrational. You’ve no idea where he caught the virus. Not allowing loving family to hold him would be unkind to both them and him.

Newborns absolutely do need cuddles.

I’m sorry your child was unwell, it must have been very scary, but you can not keep them in isolation or protect them from everything. All sort of viruses are airborne and lots of people get viruses are asymptomatic.. including you, the baby’s dad and anyone you may have have come in to contact at the supermarket or at an antenatal check.

Thanks everyone. I think on reflection you are right in that a blanket ban until crawling age is neither realistic nor healthy. Once we are over this I’m sure we will relax again and start behaving reasonably. This has been such a terrifying time that we want to prevent it from happening again. Had no idea that a cold virus could cause such a nasty reaction in a newborn but the paediatric doctors said they see it all the time in newborns (but not so much older babies although they do get bronchiolitis etc)

and just to say we aren’t angry/there is no bad feeling towards this family member who we love very much. It’s more that we should have been stricter ourselves with our tiny baby who was born slightly prematurely and is still very small and vulnerable

It's common sense that anyone who is loaded with cold shouldn't kiss and cuddle a small baby. Besides that, I don't know how realistic it is to 100% ensure a baby is protected from every potential virus. What if there is an older sibling who attends school- they inevitably bring all kinds home. Viruses can be passed on by a person before they even have any symptoms and it's perfectly possible for one of the parents to be that person.
You've had a scary time but a little perspective is probably needed.

We went through this when ds was 6 weeks old, so I sympathise with how scary and distressing it must have been. But I had other children and the reality is they bring bugs home, my dh works in a hospital, so God knows what he brings home! It doesn’t necessarily take cuddles or kisses for them to catch a virus, you could just be pushing the pram in a shop when someone sneezes. I suppose I’m trying to say we have to keep a sense of perspective.

I'm so pleased your baby is safe and well now, it must have been so scary for you. I do, however, think it unfair to blame a particular family member. The cold virus could have come from anywhere, it is so viral that even if someone didn't look like they had a cold, they may have been carrying it. It could be from popping to get milk in the supermarket, from someone delivering something to you or anyone anywhere you've been really.

That said, you've had a scare and you are bound to be extra cautious, it's only natural and no one should judge you for that after what you've just been through.

Your baby, your rules @Worriedmumma2025 You are entitled to not want family and friends etc slathering over your newborn, and if they don't like it, tough shit. Ignore anyone who mocks or derides you for being 'over-protective.'

I remember a story from a few years ago, about a newborn getting herpes - from someone kissing them (the person had a coldsore.) The baby died as a direct result of the infection spread from the kiss.

I hope your baby is OK now, and I'm sorry for what you (and your baby) have been through.

And never EVER apologise for wanting to keep your baby safe.

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I understand that he's your precious new born i remember my now nearly 19 year old having a cold as a newborn and trying to syringe milk into his mouth as he didn't want to drink to much plus you have been through a horrible experience things will hopefully calm down for you. .

Mine was hospitalised with a horrible infection in the first week of life and it was over lockdown so we hadn't seen anyone outside the home

They must have been very scary. Do you think the infection was picked up from the hospital at the time of birth? (Assuming you didn’t have a home birth)
i agree you can never be sure where these come from

I am so sorry your baby was unwell, it must have been a traumatic time for you all. I can understand your feelings however as you have reflected it is unreasonable and unrealistic to keep your baby from getting illnesses. Part of having children is accepting they will get unwell and we can't ever 100 % protect them from risk. To do, would mean putting them in a locked room, away from everyone parents included. There is nothing worse than seeing your child ill and wanting to protect them is a natural instinct.

I understand first hand how scary it is and I’m glad your LO is ok. My baby was hospitalised mid January with Rhinovirus (common cold). It was awful, he was a newborn and so poorly.

He’s got a big brother who goes to nursery and short of removing his brother and not leaving the house there was no way to stop him catching anything else. I was on edge for a while but ultimately carried on with cuddles from family, going to baby groups (where other babies frequently had snotty noses) and didn’t outwardly freak out when people decided they to touch him (this happens way too much!)

Do whatever you’re most comfortable with but I have to say I’m glad I didn’t start to stop cuddles from others.

Newborns do need cuddles, and your family need to bond with your newborn too. Looking at a child across a room until they're old enough to crawl to you doesn't lead to healthy relationships. You are right to say no kisses, but somebody giving you a hug and then you going home to your baby is no different than if they gave the baby a hug themselves. The world is scary and full of germs and it absolutely is the best way to build immunity to immerse yourself in it - take it from somebody with a Covid baby who is now poorly constantly having had no germs at all for the first 6 months!