Why do I feel like this?

[Nomotivationanymore50]

So just recently turned 51. Had a very challenging 5 years nursing both parents until they passed away, financial worries and just life in general. Now I have every evening free and I just crawl into bed as early as I can get away with and sleep on and off until the morning.
I feel constantly tired, miserable and flat. What I find hard to get my head around is that I was never ever like this. I used to be in a running club and go twice a week, dance classes every week and then maybe a tea out with a friend. Since losing my parents I almost feel like what's the point of it all.

I am on hrt and almost 12 months period free so I think I'm finally coming through the otherside of menopause. I am on antidepressants which I've been on for years now and although I would say I've never been clinically depressed, I am a lot more anxious when I've tried to come off them.

Just what is wrong with me? I keep seeing adverts on social media for say a book club or new fitness type class and go as far as messaging the organiser but never end up going. It's like the head is willing one minute and then the next I'm talking myself out of it.

I hate to think that this is my life now. Where have I gone?

Oh OP it sounds like depression has caught you - to be expected with everything you’ve gone through. Please don’t try and ride the storm alone. Please visit your GP. You’re in the thick of the storm now but brighter days will come and you’ll get your spark back with the right support. 💐

It sounds a lot like grief and burnout.

You have had a lot to deal with over the last 5 years, caring responsibilities, grief, financial concerns etc.

It's been both mentally & physically exhausting and is a lot in a relatively space of time.

How about trying to ease yourself into it?

Make plans for at least one evening a week, something low effort, good for a walk, a handy class or club or meeting a friend for a coffee?

Just start with one thing and try increase it over time. If it's not working, then depression may be a possible and you should chat to your GP.

It's not at all uncommon for carers to feel like this once those they cared for have died. Much of your life has been centred around your parents needs and comfort and your brain is telling you that you've lost your purpose. You are also undoubtedly suffering from mental and physical exhaustion. I know it's a cliche, but fresh air and walking often helps. Swimming too. I don't need to tell you that the more you "retreat" the more you actually want to. You're crawling into a safe space. I know, I've done it myself.

So you should fight the desire to retreat to some degree? And force yourself to do things? I struggle with knowing the line between resting and pushing yourself but gentle exercise is helping me when I feel exhausted

You need to go and see your GP - you have depression

Go to your gp and ask for a thorough health check.

I felt exactly like that at about the same age, and it turned out I had breast cancer. Check vitamin levels, thyroid function etc. Depression?

When was the last time you took a holiday? And by that I mean two weeks away with your work phone turned off and someone else cooking your food etc.