to be struggling with my toddler?

[Magicalmrsmoy]

He's 15 months and driving me INSANE. Just whinges and complains at me from the minute he wakes up to the minute he goes to bed (thank fuck he sleeps through the night for the most part). I can't do anything while he plays near me - I have to be interacting with him 1:1/physically holding him at all times or he goes ballistic. The only thing that keeps him content is a breastfeed but I'm trying to keep that to morning and bedtime only as he would never be off it otherwise.

He's not ill, not teething and he naps well and eats well. It's just him. I don't remember my older DS (7) being anywhere near this much hard work at the same age.

AIBU to be going round the twist?

I have one child who was like that and one who isn't. My child who was like that is now 3.5 and it has got easier. She now plays independently and although there are many emotions, she is actually comforted by me in an easy way, like a hug or some kind words instead of having to carry her round everywhere I go. I saw a big improvement in terms of independence and emotional regulation around 2.5 and it's gradually just got better and better since.

I imagine it must be harder when your second is like this rather than the other way around.

What's he like when DH or DS1 are around? And when you're out and about? Is he literally at you all day no matter who's there and what's going on, or is it more when you're at home just the two of you?

Yabu

If I'm in view he's relentless. If I go out then he's absolutely fine with both of them. If I'm at a group or out with him (which I do pretty much every day) he's no different.

Feel free to elaborate.

Yanbu - apart from breastfeeding, my little boy (22 months) is the exact same. Doesn’t play independently at all and wants to be picked up and carried around a lot of the time! It’s tough and a struggle when you have other things you need to do! I LOVE playing with him, but I genuinely didn’t think he would need 100% of my attention in waking hours 😂 … I saw a post the other day about a mum feeing guilty because she had doomed scrolled on her phone for an hour while her 2 year old played with her kitchen and I just CANNOT get my head round how that’s even possible - if I try and check the weather on my phone he will immediately kick off. Don’t even get me started on how hard it is to make any food 😫

Do you work? Send him to childcare? Sounds like you’re both in bad habits.

tThat sounds like my older child, now in his 30s. I feel for you. It’s really exhausting and I was always comparing him to his peer group at the time, and felt quite down about it. Accept it , some babies / young children are more clingy than others. Your child needs you now but it won’t be forever. If there’s anyone who can offer you a break from time to time, grab it! Having time to myself while MIL helped out one afternoon pw was a lifesaver!

I completely sympathise with you and hope you have help as this all may be feeling too much for you; but I think you need to try to go with the flow of him. Feed him more, play with him more, carry him more and then he’ll relax more when he is a bit older. It is as though he might be feeling you don’t want him.

Could you go and stay with family to get extra help and more rest?

Yes. He goes two days a week and has a half day with grandparents.

I can't imagine he would feel I don't want him when he basically spends 12 hours a day attached to me (literally!).

Same!! I struggle to even make myself a piece of toast or a tea without him completely losing the plot!

I am so sorry if I missed the point of what it
he is really like. Of course it is much easier to dish out advice than face the reality myself. I so hope you can get help.

My daughter was/is like this. Full on, no breaks, demanding constant interaction. I wonder if he's bright, my daughter is talking in full sentences at 23 months and I often wonder if this is why she was so full on. I think they get better as they get older and can play more independently, but I remember the struggle. All my friends babies and toddlers seems to sit around like blobs while they managed to get on with things, not mine! I know its against the rules but the only way I get a breakis by putting the TV on for her. It doesnt seem to have affected her development as shes wel ahead for her age, and sometimes have to get some cooking or houseworks done....

People with easygoing babies and toddlers just dont understand, they have no concept of how full on it is so dont listen to people making stupid suggestions like he like he needs to be held more 🙄.

Mine is 22 months but doesn’t have many words - so I think it’s just his personality! He won’t even watch TV unless I sit next to him - “sit down” is one of the few phrases he can say 😂

I feel your situation. One of mine was just like that. It will pass, you will get through it!

@Gmary22i have 2 of the exact same children. My 9yo is largely still the same but much better.

My 3yo is intense. Dh and I joke about her being my stalker. She is obsessed with me. Mimics everything I do and say.
But she is incredibly advanced and only well and truly engaged with something if it’s very stimulating. You’re right about those kids who sits around like blobs, or play for ‘hours’ with one random toy. My kids would never.

You've got to stop being scared of the tantrums. Put him in his playpen, get your tea or lunch or whatever, eat it across the room, talk to him nicely but don't go back to picking him up until you're ready. Toddlers do "go ballistic" sometimes - it's just how they are. Demonstrate kindly but firmly that you're not going to let it rule your life. Even if it takes a long time for it to tail off...well, you got a break (and your lunch).

I do this daily or I would never get anything done ever. It's simply very very stressful.

Why do you think that is? Have you absorbed a message that not giving in to every demand from a child is abusive / cruel / neglectful?

I think that’s what it is these days . Too much media . Mothers are confused unfortunately.

My youngest has always needed me within arms reach and would quite happily crawl back under my skin if he could. My biggest saviour was wraps and carriers - just having him close but on my back meant I still had time and energy for my older one.

I dunno, it might just be more about the natural instincts of a parent - you hear crying (which can often sound like real pain or terror when it's not at all) or see a tiny child that seems distressed and it's hard not to feel that there really is something wrong with them and you're being a crap neglectful parent if you can't make it stop. It can be very hard to shake that feeling. Sometimes you have to accept that babies and toddlers are going to wail at nothing much sometimes (some more than others, obviously) and you have to learn to just let it wash over you sometimes, or you'd never get anything else done. But it's hard to learn to do that and not feel stressed by it.

(edited because I quoted the wrong post - this was more in response to the next message that said something along the lines of "why do you think this bothers you...")

I don't necessarily think it has to do with misplaced feelings of distress (although personally I don't agree with that anyway). Some people are more affected by noise than others and to have to listen to that daily might drive someone to distraction whilst someone else would barely bat an eyelid. People are different.

@Magicalmrsmoy Get him a sibling 😜.
I'm half joking but the most efficient way to get our eldest to "unglue" was to give him a little sister to play with! They're 18 months apart and now they're glued to each other instead, it's great for us!

Be warned this come with another set of frustrations, like the constant bickering and the exponential increase in stupid ideas they can come up with whilst playing...