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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Inappropriate schools being consulted with

69 replies

Whatsthisscotchmist · 30/10/2025 10:15

I’ve posted on the SEN board but I’m going out of my mind here so hoping someone will be able to advise me a bit quicker if that’s ok.

My son has ASD/ADHD and I have just received the list of SEN schools that are being consulted with for him. They are all inappropriate for him - two of the schools mention supporting children who have SEMH issues due to trauma for example. This is not my son’s profile, his EHCP is very clear that he requires a school specialising in supporting academically able autistic children with communication difficulties. He has no SEMH needs. I am so beyond worried about this. What happens if these schools agree to take him, where do I stand then? If I refuse to send him there, does that mean I have to home school him? The school I have listed as my preference has agreed they can meet need but have said they aren’t able to advise on whether they have space until spring.
I am so stressed, if anyone could please advise I would really appreciate it. Thanks x

OP posts:
PoppySaidYesIKnow · 30/10/2025 16:15

The LA will consult with all possible settings, but parental preference has a large influence. If he really doesn’t present with any challenging behaviour, I’m surprised an EHCP has been sanctioned. Would a mainstream school with resource provision be a better option? You need to visit the schools they’re consulting to at least be able to rule them out.

Whatsthisscotchmist · 30/10/2025 16:17

Thankyou for all of your replies.

His current school are a tiny village primary. Not inclusive. Not following his EHCP. View him as a nuisance. Don’t do basic interventions such as sensory circuits but will then complain he has been running around. They said at his annual review they can’t meet his needs and it’s snowballed from there with an SEN placement being sought.

The school I have listed as my preference and that said they could meet need but don’t know if they will have space until spring is a wholly independent so my understanding is they have to offer a place, the rule around being full not being a reason not to name the placement is void if it is wholly independent - is that right?

Thanks again for all your replies, I appreciate the advice and insight x

OP posts:
Bootsies · 30/10/2025 16:18

SomethingInnocuousForNow · 30/10/2025 15:57

And yet, I've worked in SEMH schools (obviously not all of them) and there were children who badly injured staff, fighting, full restraints, highly explicit and racialised language, extensive property damage, children climbing on the school roof. Not all the SEMH schools are like this, but many are because they need placements with highly experienced staff to take children with these exceptional needs. I'm also not saying that these behaviours never occur in mainstream but it's the frequency and severity of incidents that requires the small ratios and trained staff of an SEMH school.

I really don't think it is unreasonable for OP to be concerned at these consultations for a child with no behavioural difficulties. I do, however, like other posters wonder why OP's DS can't go to a mainstream school with additional help, proper tackling of any bullying and good reasonable adjustments. Not blaming OP at all but it's a bit pathetic that a mainstream school can't meet the needs of a bright child with no behaviour difficulties and keep him safe and included.

I am not debating that there are some SEMH schools who have students with challenging behaviours. But that isn't the standard. I found the suggestion offensive that all pupils in an SEHM must be badly behaved. There is a huge variety. By the sound of it, OP didn't even bother to visit these school as she seems to 'know' enough about them.

SomethingInnocuousForNow · 30/10/2025 16:30

Whatsthisscotchmist · 30/10/2025 16:17

Thankyou for all of your replies.

His current school are a tiny village primary. Not inclusive. Not following his EHCP. View him as a nuisance. Don’t do basic interventions such as sensory circuits but will then complain he has been running around. They said at his annual review they can’t meet his needs and it’s snowballed from there with an SEN placement being sought.

The school I have listed as my preference and that said they could meet need but don’t know if they will have space until spring is a wholly independent so my understanding is they have to offer a place, the rule around being full not being a reason not to name the placement is void if it is wholly independent - is that right?

Thanks again for all your replies, I appreciate the advice and insight x

"The school I have listed as my preference and that said they could meet need but don’t know if they will have space until spring is a wholly independent so my understanding is they have to offer a place..."
Correct - they must offer a place to be named as they are wholly independent. They cannot be forced (whereas other schools can).

...the rule around being full not being a reason not to name the placement is void if it is wholly independent - is that right?"
I don't quite understand this. There is actually no rule about being full. Most schools will just fire back that they are "full" (using justification of 'incompatible with the efficient education of others') but there is no legal definition of too full. Take a look at https://www.ipsea.org.uk/pages/faqs/category/case-law

Case summaries

You can click on the topic below to see summaries of the relevant cases and follow the links from the case names to read a more detailed description of the case.

https://www.ipsea.org.uk/pages/faqs/category/case-law

Chafing · 30/10/2025 16:32

Whatsthisscotchmist · 30/10/2025 16:17

Thankyou for all of your replies.

His current school are a tiny village primary. Not inclusive. Not following his EHCP. View him as a nuisance. Don’t do basic interventions such as sensory circuits but will then complain he has been running around. They said at his annual review they can’t meet his needs and it’s snowballed from there with an SEN placement being sought.

The school I have listed as my preference and that said they could meet need but don’t know if they will have space until spring is a wholly independent so my understanding is they have to offer a place, the rule around being full not being a reason not to name the placement is void if it is wholly independent - is that right?

Thanks again for all your replies, I appreciate the advice and insight x

I really would fight that. Look for an inclusive mainstream school and a tight EHCP. Please don't let your very small child be put in a specialist unless there is no way a mainstream could meet his needs without support. There's a lot to be said about being part of a community and whilst specialist schools can be the right choice for many kids, especially those who need a different level or pace of curriculum, I really think you would be shocked at the level of need of the other 5 year olds who have found their way into special school. What peer group will he have? That's a very important question to ask.

PennywisePoundFoolish · 30/10/2025 16:38

Whatsthisscotchmist · 30/10/2025 16:17

Thankyou for all of your replies.

His current school are a tiny village primary. Not inclusive. Not following his EHCP. View him as a nuisance. Don’t do basic interventions such as sensory circuits but will then complain he has been running around. They said at his annual review they can’t meet his needs and it’s snowballed from there with an SEN placement being sought.

The school I have listed as my preference and that said they could meet need but don’t know if they will have space until spring is a wholly independent so my understanding is they have to offer a place, the rule around being full not being a reason not to name the placement is void if it is wholly independent - is that right?

Thanks again for all your replies, I appreciate the advice and insight x

You must have an offer of a placement from a wholly independent, because tribunal do not have the power to order them to admit.

SEMH is a broad-term, and there will be schools that do not take pupils with challenging behaviour that fall under that umbrella, I can think of a couple in my county that don't.

Also ADHD tends to get coded as SEMH by a lot of LAs, but that's not a legal thing.

elliejjtiny · 30/10/2025 16:47

My youngest has autism and emotional development delay. He's 11 and in mainstream secondary school. It's not been without its problems but on the whole he is doing well.

MrsImtheProbleM · 30/10/2025 16:48

Chafing · 30/10/2025 16:32

I really would fight that. Look for an inclusive mainstream school and a tight EHCP. Please don't let your very small child be put in a specialist unless there is no way a mainstream could meet his needs without support. There's a lot to be said about being part of a community and whilst specialist schools can be the right choice for many kids, especially those who need a different level or pace of curriculum, I really think you would be shocked at the level of need of the other 5 year olds who have found their way into special school. What peer group will he have? That's a very important question to ask.

I agree with this poster, and wholly support SEND and SEMH schools. Your boy sounds like he would be better suited to a nurturing mainstream setting- at least throughout primary school. I’d revisit the idea of a specialist provision when he reaches secondary age. It is true that the majority of children who have managed to gain a place in a SEN school at such a young age, will have significant needs and I can’t see how it would support his social and communication skills.

Totally846 · 30/10/2025 17:01

Robotindisguise · 30/10/2025 14:57

Well, this provides an interesting insight into how the people at local authorities who obfuscate, dissimulate and otherwise keep disabled kids from an appropriate education justify to themselves what they do to make a crust.

It’s bullshit, of course. Local authorities weaponise bureaucracy as a money-saving measure. It’s understandable in some respects, as there isn’t enough money to meet need, but it is inevitable that if you make forms as long as possible, and refuse everything asked of you in contravention of the law (which you do, that’s why you lose all your tribunals), the only people left standing are those with the education and resources to keep on going. You do that. The fact that there are a few bruised, burned out players on the pitch throwing their life savings at giving their child a fair shot in life doesn’t mean we’re weaponising anything. It’s you with the weapons.

I couldn't agree more with this post 👏

MrsKateColumbo · 30/10/2025 17:02

I would also recommend a SEN friendly MS.

I have met with many SENCOS, some are definitely "we dont want sen kids", but many are really inclusive and well run. ds' MS for e.g. offers sensory circuits for anyone (ie ehcp or not) that needs it every morning and has a special "detox from sensory overload" room full of lava lamp/bean bag chair/etc

theresapossuminthekitchen · 30/10/2025 17:05

Beryls · 30/10/2025 12:12

If your son is academically able and can socialise day to day etc I dont understand why the school have said they cannot meet his needs? It's a high bar to get over for a school to say they can't meet his needs and I dont see how just not understanding some social cues would trigger a referral to a SEND school? Is there more to this OP? What happens when he doesn't understand a social cue?

I find this interesting too - is this a postcode lottery at play? I know schools where there are Year 1 children causing classroom evacuations due to violent behaviour, or others where a child is completely non-verbal with significant additional needs and yet no referral to other settings - needs ‘can be met’ in mainstream (except clearly they can’t).

PoppySaidYesIKnow · 30/10/2025 20:23

Whatsthisscotchmist · 30/10/2025 16:17

Thankyou for all of your replies.

His current school are a tiny village primary. Not inclusive. Not following his EHCP. View him as a nuisance. Don’t do basic interventions such as sensory circuits but will then complain he has been running around. They said at his annual review they can’t meet his needs and it’s snowballed from there with an SEN placement being sought.

The school I have listed as my preference and that said they could meet need but don’t know if they will have space until spring is a wholly independent so my understanding is they have to offer a place, the rule around being full not being a reason not to name the placement is void if it is wholly independent - is that right?

Thanks again for all your replies, I appreciate the advice and insight x

The local authority generally cannot “name” an independent setting against their will, but they can with a local authority maintained
school. The independent setting can’t be forced to go over numbers in the same way a LA school can.

Hankunamatata · 30/10/2025 20:27

Have you been to the schools being considered, talked to them and looked around?

mamagogo1 · 30/10/2025 20:31

Can you not request a trial at a mainstream but better suited school? Most able children with asd but no behavioural needs attend mainstream primary but with a support worker if required, my dd had no support worker even. Those who were placed at Sen school young had very high needs and mostly were either disruptive or had medical needs that mainstream school couldn’t support

CleverButScatty · 31/10/2025 19:44

Whatsthisscotchmist · 30/10/2025 10:24

Because he doesn’t have behavioural issues

Work in this field.
SEMH schools are social emotional mental health, not behavioural.
Some will focus on children presenting with challenging behaviours.
Many focus on a trauma informed approach for children/young people with anxiety,EBSA, mental health difficulties. These are very common in learners with autism/ADHD.

Edited as I realised you have already answered re age.

If your preferred school does not have space, the LA have a duty to consult more widely to secure a setting. If he is academically able, the traditional maintained SEND schools are unlikely to have a suitable curriculum offer. I think you have made your own link that SEMH schools are for misbehaving child. That realm isn't true. Most independent special SEMH schools won't touch a child with significant behaviours with a barge pole (sadly, as these children are very difficult to place).

I would honestly go and look at the other schools with an open mind. It is likely many will be focusing on emotional literacy and regulation, overcoming anxiety etc.

Is you preferred school a maintained school or independent?

CleverButScatty · 31/10/2025 19:57

Totally846 · 30/10/2025 17:01

I couldn't agree more with this post 👏

I'm really not seeing that from this post. It's horrible as a parent when you see something that's perfect for your child and it's out of reach. I work in LA SEND and an a mum of 3 autistic kids.

The system is in crisis and some LAs are navigating this better than others. My own son was caught in the failings of our local LA unable to attend for nearly a year and without a secondary place for the September. (Not the LA I work in).

However in this case it sounds like the LA have listened to your preference, consulted, but not got the answer you were hoping for. They are exploring other options. They are not insisting that he stays at the mainstream. I'm not sure what else you want them to do.

Theoretically LAs can direct a maintained SS to admit a child, but over a year you might get a couple of hundred requests for them to be named and they might have an intake of 12. So they LA will still frequently have to decide not to do this and to look for an alternative suitable option (of which there were not nearly enough).

CleverButScatty · 31/10/2025 19:58

As an aside, I would make a formal complaint to the school that they are not following his EHCP. if they are struggling to meet his needs they can request additional funding from the LA.

CoffeeCup14 · 31/10/2025 20:08

It's worth going to visit any schools that are offered. SEN provision seems to vary massively depending on how the LA delivers it. Where I live it's mainly independents and there are some brilliant SEMH schools which are great for children who are academically bright but need a different approach to learning.

A lot of autistic children experience trauma from the social interactions they have at school. It doesn't mean it's necessarily going to be full of children with extreme behaviour, but it does mean they'll be looking at what's behind any behaviour rather than just implementing consequences and rewards.

I visited all the schools consulted with to see what would be a good fit for my child. You may be surprised and find you like some of them, and if you don't, you will have a better basis for refusing them.

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