To ask if anyone actually knows how to deal with men?

[FluentCyanExpert]

Sometimes I wonder… is it about patience, boundaries, humour, strategy, understanding or luck? Do you feel like you’ve figured men out or are we all just learning (and re-learning) with every new relationship? Serious answers, funny answers… I’m curious!

Best bet is to ignore them imo.

Keep them locked in a room with food and water, let them out for exercise for one hour a day. Works for me.

Such a sexist post. All men are different like all women are. How do you handle women?
My DH is amazing. I don’t need to ‘deal with him!’
Maybe you’ve had some bad luck or maybe it’s you?!

I didn’t mean it as a dig at men at all, more just an honest question about how people navigate relationships. I completely agree, everyone’s different. I think it’s more that certain patterns or misunderstandings come up a lot, so I was curious how others approach them. Sounds like you and your DH have a great rhythm, which is lovely to hear.

Men? They’re all individuals like women. I think it’s unhelpful to put half of humanity into a category as if they’re homogeneous.

I work with a lot of men.

Sweeping generalisation but the only thing I do differently with men than women is that I only ask one question at a time.

If I ask 2 together, I will only get a response to the one that's easiest to answer.

Cannot think of any other difference.

If you actually post the problem and examples, you will get better responses.

I imagine a man making a joke about keeping a woman hostage would be branded a pig.

I am old and I know how to deal with men and boys. I understand what makes them tick and I know, for example, that most of them need a lot of praise and recognition for the work they do and the stories and jokes they tell. So I can bring out the best in them if I need to, but mostly I no longer bother.

The problem is that it is not us really who deal with them. 90% of the time is them dealing with us

Does anyone actually know how to deal with women?

I mean, if you are in a same sex relationship, you've already figured everything out because you are the same sex?

are we all just learning (and re-learning) with every new relationship?
do you want to date robots or actual individual and learn about them as you go?

I am straight woman, do I even want to be with someone who "knows how to deal with me" in a relationship? Sounds disgusting.

I don’t mean to lump half the population together! I guess I was thinking more about recurring dynamics or differences in communication styles that come up in dating or relationships, not assuming everyone’s the same. I’m always interested in whether people feel they’ve learned “what works” over time or if it’s just trial and error.

I think this could apply to "parenting" because you both learn as you go along, with kids and with each other.

In a relationship, it's your standards. Some people you are compatible with, some you are not. No dynamic or communication style, that's individual. (So is parenting, but that you have to work on, you can't do anything but compromise when it's your kids)

I didn’t mean “deal with” in a controlling way, more like understand or navigate relationships with. I think most of us are always learning how to communicate better, no matter who we’re with. The post was just meant to spark a bit of reflection (and humour!) about what people have learned along the way.

The post was just meant to spark a bit of reflection (and humour!) about what people have learned along the way.

I 've learned more about how I could NEVER live with so many MN posters than having relationship in real life 😂

I never even knew some behaviour existed until I read about them, never been an issue with real-life people.

I recommend being a lesbian. You get to see the good side of men without dealing with any of their shite! They tend to treat you like a guy who they can talk to about emotional things.
As for men who aren’t mates - ignore them. There’s really no reason to spend much time or energy on those ones…

You deal with men by treating them as human beings and equals.

I am not a lesbian, but that's my experience with most men too!

It's not a joke about that though - it's a joke about the OP talking about half the human race like they're a different species.

I don’t try to hint with my husband, or try to make him guess how I’m feeling. If I want something I ask. If I say I’m ‘fine’ he believes it; so if I’m not fine I need to tell him if he asks if I want him to know.
If I ask what he’s thinking it is often not at all what I thought, or what I’d be thinking if it was me. I’m more ‘long term worry’; he’s short term (so when DS went to uni, I worried that he would not enjoy his degree and what his job prospects would be and DH worried about what he would have for tea and whether he’d drink too much.
I’ve also found that if I tell him about a problem, he wants to fix it. So I either start with ‘this is just a rant but….’; or don’t tell him. Also if someone upsets/ hurts me, it is much harder for him to forgive them because they’ve hurt me and he cares about me. He’s quite black and white and ‘one strike and you’re out’; doesn’t see why you would waste time with someone who treated you like that.

We have different love languages; I’m more ‘words and cuddles and flowers’ and he’s ‘defrost the car I’ve made your lunch’ doing stuff for me.

Yes it doesn't take much intelligence to realise or do this, mind you each year it seems less and less in society

Duplicate post

The only way I’m different with men is that I don’t flatter their ego or pander to any inflated view of themselves. I won’t tolerate male privelege or pompousness. I am lovely and smiley if they’re direct and respectful.

I've spent my whole life working with more men than women and I would say the only thing they have in common is that they're all different.

I have however discovered the key difference between men and women.

Women will eventually have enough gravy on their plate. A man will always be happy to have more.

Castration? Dealing with testosterone must be miserable, look how happy dogs are!

Agree with this. I just deal with people all the same regardless of gender.