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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Made uncomfortable at work

14 replies

Cupofteaforyou · 29/10/2025 13:57

Sorry for a long one. This situation is now resolved in that I left the company. But it keeps coming in my mind and I wanted to know if I was being unreasonable in being uncomfortable.

I started a job in an admin role and was fine for the first week. It was a small company with 9 staff, all female.

Then one of the bosses had a chat about the amount of time I was away from my desk. In the main I was going to the toilet or getting files. I take a diuretic for blood pressure which means I wee a lot (tmi sorry) but it didn't occur to me at the time of the convo. She asked if I smoked and I said I vaped, and I realised belatedly she was asking if I was going out to vape all the time. I wasn't! It made me feel weirdly watched tbh, there was no issue with my work as far as I knew.

Then the following week she took me aside and asked me to make sure I "clean the toilet" as they were a clean toilet firm and it had been left in a state. She was quick to say it may not have been me (it wasn't!) But AFAIK she didn't speak to anyone else. Again I felt weirdly under surveillance.

Then another day, still quite early on, she sent me a passive aggressive email about eating at my desk, saying I was giving younger staff a bad impression of how to behave in the office I had only had a mid morning cereal bar, but fair enough. I stopped doing it. But I noticed everyone else was eating at their desks except the bosses and no one was to my knowledge pulled up on it.

Then I got another passive aggressive email about recycling "pop bottles". Again I felt very under surveillance.

None of these things seem like a big deal but it was more this insidious way of sniping at me. I'm in my 40s and professional.

It was all part of my decision to quit, and when I did resign the boss emailed me to tell me to remove a "pop" bottle from my desk drawer on my last day. Which I would have done. But again I felt constantly watched and was glad to leave.

Am I being oversensitive?

OP posts:
DiscoBob · 29/10/2025 14:35

I would've laughed and said 'You want me to clean up someone else's shit?'

I'm laughing at 'we are a clean toilet firm'. Did a special inspector come round and issue them with a plaque and a rosette?!

Obviously most companies are well known as being officially classed as 'filthy stinking shite smeared toilet firms.'?!

Stupid cow. Good on you for leaving.

Moonnstars · 29/10/2025 14:44

Sounds bizarre. Be glad you are leaving.

Catpiece · 29/10/2025 14:49

Rings a bell for me. I was temping at an office supplies company many years ago. I was mid 20s. Some of the most weird and horrible people I’ve ever had to work with. The girl I shared an office with was obviously asked to find out more about me. I told her that I’d like to have children in the future. She ran back and told the woman in charge who told me what she’d heard and sacked me on the spot. Oh and also I was told you can’t eat beef flavour crisps because so and so’s a vegetarian. Absolute bunch of cunts.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 29/10/2025 14:54

This is how constructive dismissal works. You did well to get out of there. Try not to dwell on it, I promise it’s not you who is the problem here.

BauhausOfEliott · 29/10/2025 15:06

I'm laughing at 'we are a clean toilet firm'. Did a special inspector come round and issue them with a plaque and a rosette?!

I had the same reaction to this. I can imagine a committee being set up and everyone having strive towards Clean Toilet Firm accreditation, like a village that's going for Britain In Bloom.

Cupofteaforyou · 29/10/2025 15:26

Thank you! You've injected some humour in it which I needed! You're completely right, it was like they had their own "clean loo" award 🤣

OP posts:
PinkElephants356 · 29/10/2025 15:31

I can’t believe in this day and age such poor management still exists.

It is always the result of inexperience and incompetence. Unfortunately not many firms realise that just because someone is good at a job, it doesn’t mean they would be good at managing people who do that job and unfortunately people get promoted into management roles that they simply don’t suit. Managing is a different skill set!

With poor managers you see them “managing” the people they feel are easiest to “manage” I.e. the newest, most approachable, youngest etc. They do this because they think they will not get away with that management style with everyone else and they are probably right about that. That in my opinion is why they singled you out.

Totally not your fault, definitely a good decision to leave.

Andregroup · 29/10/2025 15:32

Small companies where everyone's been there for years are often awful. I had a similar experience back in my early 20s. Twice actually. One I stayed at for three months. The other I left after 3 days. Wouldn't work for a small company ever again tbh.

InSpainTheRain · 29/10/2025 15:41

You sound well out of that one OP! I love the "pop bottles" and "we're a clean toilet firm". Does anyone work for a "dirty toilet firm"!?) Boss sounds a bit controlling to be honest. My advice for the future though would be to stick up for yourself! I say be saying "What are you speaking to me about this? I absolutely have never left the bathroom in a mess!" and I'd point out "I was getting files" or whatever. Hope the next role is better for you though.

PS you absolutely should have microwaved some fish on the last day and ate it at your desk. Boss would have had a fit!

Cherrysoup · 29/10/2025 15:57

She sounds like a crazy bully. Good for you getting out of there!

HillOf · 29/10/2025 16:01

BauhausOfEliott · 29/10/2025 15:06

I'm laughing at 'we are a clean toilet firm'. Did a special inspector come round and issue them with a plaque and a rosette?!

I had the same reaction to this. I can imagine a committee being set up and everyone having strive towards Clean Toilet Firm accreditation, like a village that's going for Britain In Bloom.

😀

Cupofteaforyou · 29/10/2025 16:48

Thank you so much for all the supportive comments, I'm really glad I wasn't just being oversensitive! You've all cheered me up too!

OP posts:
leakycauldron · 29/10/2025 17:31

Personally think you missed an opportunity.

You should have sent them an official notice from the official "clean toilet society", stating their accolade of being a clean toilet firm was being revoked after a visit from an inspector.

You sound well out of it and no you weren't the problem!

Sholderpad · 29/10/2025 17:33

Jesus what weirdos.

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